The Egg Salad Equivalency

The Big Bang Theory 6×12

& Sheldon: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was skeptical.
    Leonard: I can’t blame you... Tiny Twister was a complete bust.

& Leonard: I’m not gonna do anything about it. I love Penny. It’s just nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods.
    Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. This is Ryan Gosling all over again.

& Sheldon: Uh, in the past, I’ve reached out to each of you individually, but I believe my present situation requires the collective wisdom of the group, which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts I have dubbed... Sheldon Cooper’s Council of Ladies.
    Penny: What is happening?

& Alex: Is there a problem?
    Sheldon: Let’s not call it a problem. Let’s call it an opportunity... To solve a serious problem.

& Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
    Alex: ..... What?
    Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.

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& Alex: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
    Sheldon: Yeah, you and me both, sister.

& Sheldon: I don’t hold you responsible for your behavior because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you’re a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases? Let’s see here... Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy.

& Human Resources Department: Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace.
    Sheldon: Like what?
    Human Resources Department: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an “egg salad sandwich.” I don’t even know what that means, but I’m gonna go ahead and tell you you can’t say it.
    Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You’re a slave.
    [black] Human Resources Department: ....... I’m a what?

& Leonard: I’ll tell you a secret?
    Penny: What’s that?
    Leonard: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
    Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
    Leonard: Sure.
    Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we’re all gonna stop.
    Leonard: Message... received.

& Howard: Do you really think you should be drinking right now?
    Raj: How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady?

& Howard: Uh, little tip: turn off your “I Like Big Butts” ringtone before you go in.

& Penny: I decided I don’t need to be a scientist, I could just look like one. So I bought these.
    Leonard: Glasses?
    Penny: Mm-hmm.
    Leonard: I really don’t think that’s gonna change... Oh, my God! You look so smart and hot!
    Penny: I know, right? Watch this... Molecules.
    Leonard: Okay, come with me.
    Penny: Where are we going?
    Leonard: To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses... and maybe the boots.

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