Damn You, Eggs Benedict

Two and a Half Men 6×3

& Jake: You’re a great cook, Uncle Charlie.
    Charlie: It’s no big deal. Those chefs on TV act like they’re curing leprosy or something.
    Jake: Can you make meat loaf?
    Charlie: Does it come in a tube?
    Jake: No... God... it comes on a plate.

& Charlie: Another thing you need to remember is always answer a question with another question.
    Alan: What do you mean?
    Charlie: Exactly!
    Alan: What?
    Charlie: Great, you’re all set.

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& Charlie: Where’d you get the $20?
    Jake: It was a bribe from my father.
    Charlie: You’re kidding.
    Jake: I know. For a cheap guy, he can be surprisingly generous.
    Charlie: That’s true.
    Jake: Deep down I love him. And I love you, too.
    Charlie: Great. Everybody loves everybody.

& Charlie: You know, your body’s sending you a message.
    Jake: Yeah, it’s sayin’ I really should chew my food more. Look at that shrimp. You could wash it off and serve it again.
    Charlie: Your body is also telling you that alcohol is poison.
    Jake: If it’s poison, why do you drink it?
    Charlie: Because there are things inside of me I need to kill.

& Charlie: So... how ’bout a beer?
    Jake: Never... again!
    Alan: Me neither.
    Charlie: You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... You guys look at me and you think it’s easy. But what you don’t see is all the years of hard work and dedication it took to make me the happy-go-lucky, drunken, ass-wrangler I am today.

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