The Toast Derivation
Season 4, Episode 17
& Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I’m having dinner with Priya at Raj’s. I think Howard’s going to be there. You want to join us?
Sheldon: But tonight’s Thursday. On Thursdays, everybody comes over here and has pizza. Or a reasonable facsimile prepared by someone claiming to be Luigi, but who sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.
& Leonard: Can’t we make a one-time exception for tonight?
Sheldon: We could. We could also stop using the letter “M,” but I think that idea is isguided and oronic.
& Leonard: Just come with me to Raj’s.
Sheldon: Well, I don’t want to go to a party.
Leonard: It’s not a party. It’s the same group of people who hang out here hanging out over there.
Sheldon: I’m sorry, but five people eating and chatting is a party.
Leonard: How come it’s not a party when we do it here?
Sheldon: Because we don’t throw parties.
& Sheldon: Oh, dear!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Raj’s television. I just realized we’re about to spend an evening watching a plasma screen with a cluster of dead pixels in the upper left-hand corner.
Leonard: So don’t watch TV. Read a book.
Sheldon: And be a social pariah? Oh, you know that’s not my style.
Leonard: Ugh!
Sheldon: The audible sigh is a show of exasperation, right?
Leonard: Right.
Sheldon: Is it about me or the dead pixels?
& Sheldon: Oh, look. it’s Harry Potter and 98% of The Sorcerer’s Stone.
& R: Okay, we’ve got fajitas with all the fixins, so you make your own.
Sheldon: Wonderful. Dinner, some assembly required.
& Priya: Do you want a margarita, Sheldon?
Sheldon: A Margarita?! Where are we?! What is happening?!
& Penny: Oh. Hey, Sheldon. What can I get you?
Sheldon: Water. Neat*. With a little umbrella.
& Penny: Where are all your friends?
Sheldon: Sadly, Penny, this evening, I am the Dark Knight
, roaming these mean streets alone. A windbreaker for my cape
, and a stern expression for my cowl*.& Amy: Hi, bestie.
Penny: Oh. Hi, Amy. How you been?
Amy: Fine. From this angle, I can see up your nose.
& Amy: Penny, I’m sorry you got dragged into this. I know you’re devastated that your ex-boyfriend has found an exciting new lover with flawless, caramel-colored skin.
& Amy: Sheldon, look at me. I think it’s time to face the fact that Leonard is the nucleus of your social group. Where he goes, the group goes.
Sheldon: Leonard the nucleus?! That makes no sense. I’m the whimsical* elf that everyone looks to for a good time.
Amy: I’m not saying that you’re not fun. You’re the most fun person I know.
& Amy: What I am saying, Sheldon, is that your group is Leonard-centric. If it were a town, it would be Leonardville. If it were an Islamic nation, Leonardstan. If it were the birthplace of motion pictures, we’d all be singing “Hooray for Leonardwood.”
Penny: Ooh, I got one. If you guys were a band, you’d be called Leonard and the Leonerds.
Amy: So needy*.
& Sheldon: Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah?
Sheldon: We had a good run, you and I...
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: But change is a part of life.
Leonard: It certainly is.
Sheldon: Okay. I have guests coming. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.
Leonard: I am leaving.
Sheldon: Don’t make this harder than it is, Leonard.
Leonard: Good-bye, Sheldon.
Sheldon: And good-bye to you, sir. He’ll be back.
Leonard: Of course I’ll be back. I live here!
& Sheldon: Stuart?
Stuart: Um... Hi. I’m Stuart. I run a comic bookstore, which for financial reasons, I’m currently living in. And I guess what I’m hoping for most out of tonight is a hot shower.
Sheldon: It’s very nice, Stuart. Zack?
Zack: I’m Zack, and I’m, uh... Uh... Could you come back to me? {...} Okay, I’m ready. I’m Zach, and I’m, uh... Oh, crap, why is this so hard?
& Bernadette: We just thought you might want to go out and have a good time, maybe go dancing.
Penny: Oh. Gee, thanks, but I’m not really in the mood.
Amy: You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai.
& Zack: Anyway, after we get done snowboarding, I go back to the lodge and get in the Jacuzzi. There’s no one around, so naturally, I’m free-balling it. Next thing I know, this beautiful chick shows up, drunk out of her skull, wants to get in with me.
Sheldon: Question. Was it a Jacuzzi or a hot tub?
Barry Kripke: Really? That’s your question?
Zack: What’s the difference?
Sheldon: “Jacuzzi” is a commercial brand. “Hot tub” is the generic term.
Zack: I.E., all Jacuzzis are hot tubs, but not all hot tubs are Jacuzzis. Is that like all thumbs are fingers, but not all fingers are thumbs?
Sheldon: Surprisingly, yes.
Zack: Nice... Now, what exactly are toes?
Stuart: Can you please get back to the drunk girl? I’d like something to think about in the shower.
Zack: Oh, yeah. Right. Anyway, she takes off all of her clothes, climbs into the hot tub, and the first thing I notice...
Sheldon: The water level rose!
& Sheldon: Forgive me, but I think you’ll find my story is more interesting!
Kripke: Does yours have wet breasts in it?
Sheldon: Better. It has a gold crown.
& Zack: So, long story short, I nailed her.
Sheldon: When he finished, he shouted “Eureka!”
Zack: No, I always shout, “Holy moly!” Don’t know why. Just do.
& Priya: Sheldon is a bit quirky*, isn’t he?
Howard: Oh, please. That crazy bastard’s looking at quirky in the rearview mirror.
& Penny: So, where do you guys want to go dancing?
Bernadette: We were hoping you’d know a place.
Amy: Yes, perhaps somewhere packed tightly with young, beautiful bodies sweating and writhing against each other in a glorious orgy of the flesh.
& Penny: What do you think?
Amy: That should display enough of your bosom to attract a new mate, or a hungry infant.
& Penny: You know, for the first time in my life, I am not in a relationship, and I’m totally okay with it.
Amy: You know, if being on your own is new to you, I’d be happy to share some tension-relieving techniques for ladies I’ve perfected over the years. For example, do you have an electric toothbrush?
Penny: Um, no.
Amy: You should get one.
& Penny: Oh, screw it. I can deal with a little self-loathing. Let’s go find me a heinie to bite.
Amy: Outstanding. And if we fail, we can always stop at CVS and pick you out a nice toothbrush. I call mine “Gerard.”
Bernadette: That’s kind of creepy.
& Sheldon: All my friends. All my friends. All my friends.
Howard: I think it’s like Beetlejuice
. We said his name too many times.& Raj: I’d like to propose a toast to friends, no matter how quirky.
Sheldon: Priya, do you know why this is called a toast?
Chuck Lorre Vanity Card # 333
--- Dict:
Neat — неразбавленный
cowl — капюшон; ряса
whimsical — причудливый; эксцентричный; капризный
needy = Requiring attention beyond what is normative.
quirky — причудливый
On Imdb.
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