13 февр. 2011 г.

The Big Bang Theory 4x15

The Benefactor Factor

Season 4, Episode 15


& Raj: Here’s what I wonder about zombies. What happens if they can’t get any human flesh to eat? They can’t starve to death... they’re already dead.
    Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on «How do vampires shave when they can’t see themselves in the mirror»?
    Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other... case closed.


& Dr. Siebert, the president of the university: Hey, there’s my favorite geniuses! How are we doing today?
    Sheldon: That depends... how much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder?
    Dr. Siebert: Sorry, Dr. Cooper, I forgot you have a touch phobia.
    Sheldon: It’s not a touch phobia, it’s a germ phobia. If you’d like to go put on a pair of latex gloves, I’ll let you check me for a hernia*.


& Dr. Siebert: So, listen, fellas, who’s up for a little party this Saturday night? Open bar, good eats, might even be a few pretty girls...
    Howard: Sounds great!
    Raj: I’m in!
    Sheldon: Hold on. Just because the nice man is offering you candy, doesn’t mean you should jump into his windowless van. What’s the occasion?
    Dr. Siebert: Just a little fund-raiser for the university.
    Sheldon: Aha! The tear-stained air mattress in the back of the van.


& Dr. Siebert: I understand your reticence, Dr. Cooper, and I sympathize, but the hard facts are, occasionally, we have to shake a few hands and kiss a few butts to raise money for our research.
    Sheldon: I don’t care; it’s demeaning. And I refuse to be trotted out* and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair. Which, by the way, is something you don’t want to attend wearing a Star Trek ensign’s uniform.


& Dr. Siebert: All right, let me put it this way. You’re gonna put on a suit, you’re gonna come to this party, and you’re gonna explain your research to a bunch of old people, or I swear to God, I’ll blind you with a hot spoon, like they did to that little boy in Slumdog Millionaire.
    Raj: Oh, you don’t want that.


& Raj: Oh, boy! Tator tots and a party invitation? What a great day!


& Penny: Oh, Howard, I can’t believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey*.
    Howard: Excuse me, my girlfriend doesn’t pick out my clothes. My mother does.


& Howard: Hey, put your tie back in your pants.


& Raj: Nice place. Reminds me of my parents’ house back in New Delhi.
    Howard: You’re kidding.
    Raj: No. We are very wealthy. But the only difference is, we have more servants.
    Howard: More than this?!
    Raj: More than we can use. You see, in India, we don’t make the mistake of letting our poor people have dreams.


& Dr. Siebert: Mrs. Latham, I’d like you to meet three of our outstanding young researchers. This is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali and Howard Wolowitz.
    Mrs. Latham: Well, what happened to you, Wolowitz? Couldn’t stick with it long enough to get your PhD?
    Howard: ... I’m an engineer. Most engineers don’t bother with a PhD. But you may be interested to know I designed the zero-gravity waste-disposal system for NASA.
    Mrs. Latham: Got it... you’re a space plumber.


& Amy: Well, normally I respect your macho rebellious attitude toward «The Man,» but, in this case, I think you’ve made a foolish mistake.
    Sheldon: Unlikely. But make your case. Keeping in mind that your critical attitude is ruining our Saturday night together, and I’m not above minimizing your window.
    Amy: Sheldon, like it or not, until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining orbiting satellite, equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on other members of the human race.
    Sheldon: That’s it. Prepare to be minimized.
    Amy: I’m not finished. All scientists have to fund-raise, Sheldon. How do you think I paid for my lab?.. I went to Saudi Arabia and met with a prince who had an interest in neurobiology.
    Sheldon: Your lab is funded by some Middle-Eastern dilettante?!
    Amy: Technically, Faisal is my fiancé. But I do have a state-of-the-art two-photon microscope and a place to stay in Riyadh for the winter.
    Sheldon: Well, that explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page...


& Leonard: On the bright side, I don’t think President Siebert will be making us go to any more fund-raisers.
    Howard: It was so much easier at my bar mitzvah... The old people just came up to you, pinched your cheek and handed you a savings bond.


& Leonard: Mrs. Latham, the first machine I turn on in the morning is the helium-neon laser, ’cause it needs to warm up.
    Mrs. Latham: I no longer care, dear. But don’t worry, I really enjoyed meeting you this evening.
    Leonard: You’re kidding. That was good for you? ’Cause I was sweating through my T-shirt.
    Mrs. Latham: Excellent! There’s nothing I like better than making smart people feel ill at ease.
    Leonard: Why?
    Mrs. Latham: Oh, I don’t know, it’s one of the fun things you get to do when you have lots of money. Watch. Hey! Who said you could eat that shrimp?! See?.. Fun.


& Sheldon: No, no, no, I’m just here for your money. I don’t want to shake anyone’s germy hands. Explain it to them, Siebert. {...} I must confess I don’t understand you, President Siebert. First you say you want me to appear at your fund-raisers, but now you say you never want me to go anywhere near your fund-raisers.


& Sheldon: Good morning, Mrs. Latham. ... Well, yes, of course I remember you. A woman well past her prime seeking to augment* her social status by doling out her late husband’s ill-gotten gains. So, how much money are you going to give me? ... I’m not crazy... my mother had me tested. Well, if you’re not going to give me money, then why are you calling? ... She wants to talk to you. Who’s crazy now?


& Leonard: She wants to have dinner and talk about my research.
    Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research?!


& Howard: Hey. How was dinner?
    Leonard: Swell. I need a drink. Do we have any alcohol?
    Sheldon: No. But we have potatoes... I could make you vodka. It’ll take two weeks.


& Penny: Leonard, are you okay?
    Leonard: Um, I’m not sure.
    Sheldon: What’s going on?
    Leonard: Well, Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump...
    Howard: Yes!
    Raj: Oh, wow!
    Leonard: ...then she stuck her tongue down my throat.
    Sheldon: Why?!
    Penny: Okay, we can’t keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.


& Leonard: I was able to get out of there before anything else happened, but she wants to see me again tomorrow night.
    Sheldon: Excellent! What are you planning to wear?
    Leonard: What?!
    Sheldon: Penny, you’re an expert on trading sexual favors for material gain... walk him through this.


& Leonard: Well, forget it! It’s not gonna happen.
    Sheldon: Well, come now, Leonard, this may be your only chance to make a real contribution to science!
    Leonard: I repeat: Not-gonna-happen!
    Penny: Er... What was all that about me trading sexual favors for material gain?
    Sheldon: It was a compliment. I believe in giving credit where credit is due.


& Leonard: I won’t be too late; I’m just gonna make a final pitch for the funding and then say good night.
    Sheldon: Hold on, I have something for you.
    Leonard: What’s this?
    Sheldon: Just a few things you may need tonight. Baby oil, condoms and, uh... a little something I procured from the school of pharmacology. They say it is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.


& Leonard: Are you insane?! I’m not going to prostitute myself just so we can get some new equipment.
    Sheldon: Oh, come on! Why not? Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse, you might consider, just this once, using your genitalia to actually accomplish something!
    Penny: He still won’t shag the old lady, huh?
    Sheldon: No. But thank you for asking.


& Mrs. Latham: Leonard, I’m making the donation to your department regardless of what happens between us.
    Leonard: Really?
    Mrs. Latham: Well, of course. There’s no quid pro quo here. You and your colleagues are doing remarkable research, and you deserve the money.
    Leonard: Oh. Then what was last night about?
    Mrs. Latham: I took a shot; sue me.
    Leonard: Oh.


& Mrs. Latham: Just for the record... you’d remember a night with me for the rest of your life.
    Leonard: I’m sure I would. But why... why, exactly?
    Mrs. Latham: You’re a very smart man. How do you think I landed such a rich husband?
    Leonard: I hadn’t really given it much thought.
    Mrs. Latham: Well... think about it.


& Penny: Good morning, slut.
    Leonard: What?!
    Penny: Oh, please, I recognize the walk of shame when I see it. All you’re missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it.


& Sheldon: Are you just getting home?
    Leonard: Yeah.
    Sheldon: That’s a good sign, right?
    Penny: Oh, yeah.
    Sheldon: I’m so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
    Leonard: No, I didn’t do it for the money.
    Sheldon: She stiffed* you?
    Penny: I believe that’s what your roommate did to her.
    Sheldon: What?!
    Penny: Again, read the book we gave you.
    Leonard: No, I mean, I... I got the money first.
    Sheldon: Smart. Get paid up front. Yeah, I think you have a real knack* for gigolo work, Leonard.


& Leonard: I’m gonna go lie down.
    Sheldon: That’s a good idea; get your rest. There are a lot more rich old ladies out there, and Daddy needs a new linear accelerator. And I thought he didn’t learn anything from his relationship with you.
    Penny: Hey!
    Sheldon: Another compliment! Learn to recognize them.


& Dr. Siebert: Ah, there he is! The man of the hour! He took one for the team!
    Leonard: I didn’t do it for the money!
    Dr. Siebert: Keep telling yourself that... it makes it easier. Trust me, I know.
    Howard: How was she?



--- Dict:
hernia — грыжа
trotted out — щеголять; показывать
dickey — манишка
augment — увеличение; приращение; прибавление
stiffed — жадина; принужденный; до изнеможения
knack — ловкость; умение; сноровка


On Imdb.

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