& Dad: Bumpers are for kids! What are you, two years old? You don’t want the bumpers. Life doesn’t give you bumpers. ...
Mason: Last time I went bowling, we had bumpers and it was a lot more fun!
Dad: You don’t want the bumpers, all right? You bowl a strike with the bumpers and it doesn’t mean anything. Trust me.
& Samantha: Dad, these questions are kind of hard to answer.
Dad: What is so hard to answer about what sculpture are you making?
Samantha: It’s abstract.
Dad: Okay. Okay, that’s good. See, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know you were even interested in abstract art.
Samantha: I’m not. They make us do it.
& Mason: Dad? There’s no, like, real magic in the world, right?
Dad: What do you mean?
Mason: You know, like elves and stuff. People just made that up.
Dad: Oh, I don’t know. I mean, what makes you think that elves are any more magical than something like a whale? You know what I mean? What if I told you a story about how underneath the ocean, there was this giant sea mammal that used sonar and sang songs and it was so big that its heart was the size of a car and you could crawl through the arteries? I mean, you’d think that was pretty magical, right?
Mason: Yeah. But, like, right this second, there’s, like, no elves in the world, right?
Dad: No. Technically, no elves.
& Dad: Open it up. I call that the Beatles Black Album. What it is, is the best of John, Paul, George and Ringo, solo, post-breakup.
Mason: Thanks.
Dad: Basically, I put the band back together for you. Whenever you listen to too much of the solo stuff, it kind of becomes a drag, you know? But you put them next to each other, right, and they start to elevate each other, and then you can hear it. It’s The Beatles, you know?
Mason: I don’t know. I think I always just liked Paul the best.
Dad: It doesn’t matter, you know, you’re missing the point. There is no favorite Beatle! That’s what I’m saying. It’s in the balance. That’s what made them the greatest fucking rock band in the world, okay? And there’s this decade of music out there that’s been scattered, all right, and now it has been carefully found, arranged and ordered for you by your loving father.
Annie: Very arranged and very organized, over and over again by your loving father.
Dad: Yes, yes, yes. So, I mean, look at that, look at that. Uh, top of Volume II, first four tracks, you’ve got Band on the Run into My Sweet Lord into Jealous Guy into Photograph. Come on! It’s like the perfect segue. You got Paul, who takes you to the party, George who talks to you about God, John is just, «No, it’s about love and pain,» and then Ringo who just says, «Hey. Can’t we enjoy what we have while we have it?» It’s a good record. I shit you not.
Mason: Cool.
& Mason: I don’t usually even try to vocalize my thoughts or feelings or anything. I don’t know, it never sounds right. Words are stupid.
& Mom: This house is too big for us... It’s too expensive. I’m done.
Mason: Why did you even buy it in the first place then?
Mom: Because I really enjoy making poor life decisions, keeping us on the brink of poverty. I’ve spent the first half of my life acquiring all this crap, and now I’m gonna spend the second half of my life getting rid of all this stuff.
Mason: Really? Like what?
Mom: Well, I got rid of a couple husbands, now I’m gonna get rid of a mortgage, some maintenance, the tchotchskes, the homeowner’s insurance, the property tax, the plumbing... You know what? From now on, I am gonna be Mommy Monk. Simple. Celibate.
Mason: Don’t be gross, Mom.
Mom: Fine. I’ll be a poor whore with a big house. Is that better? Hmm?
& Mason: I finally figured it out. It’s like when they realized it was gonna be too expensive to actually build cyborgs and robots. I mean, the costs of that were impossible. They decided to just let humans turn themselves into robots. That’s what’s going on right now.
Sheena: Oh, right now?
Mason: Yeah! I mean, why not? They’re billions of us just laying around, not really doing anything. We don’t cost anything. We’re even pretty good at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly. And as it turns out, we’re already biologically programmed for our little cyborg upgrades.
Sheena: How?
Mason: Seriously. I read this thing the other day about how... When you hear that ding on your inbox, you get like a dopamine rush in your brain. It’s like we’re being chemically rewarded for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed. How evil is that? We’re fucked.
& Mason: That’s the thing, though, I’m not doing it for attention. I just wanna try and not live my life through a screen. I want some kind of actual interaction. A real person, not just the profile they put up.
& Mason: I mean, college? I mean, I like the idea of being away from home and gaining skills and getting better at photography. I just... I don’t know, I’m not counting on it being some big, transformative experience. I don’t think it’s that transformative. I just see it as the next step. But it’s like a preordained slot that’s already got your name and number on it. I don’t think it’s the key to my future. ’Cause, I mean, look at my mom. She got her degree and got a pretty good job. She can pay her bills.
Nick: I like your mom.
Mason: I like my mom, too. I just mean... Basically she’s still just as fuckin’ confused as I am.
& Dad: Am I your only ex at this party?
Mom: Yes. I’m not your only wife here, though.
& Mason: So, what’s the point?
Dad: Of what?
Mason: I don’t know, any of this. Everything.
Dad: Everything?! What’s the point?.. I mean, I sure as shit don’t know. Neither does anybody else, okay? We’re all just winging it, you know? The good news is you’re feeling stuff. And you’ve got to hold on to that.
& Mom: This is the worst day of my life.
Mason: What’re you talking about?
Mom: I knew this day was coming. I didn’t know you were gonna be so fuckin’ happy to be leaving.
Mason: I mean, it’s not that I’m that happy. What do you expect?
Mom: You know what I’m realizing? My life is just gonna go, like that. This series of milestones. Getting married. Having kids. Getting divorced. The time that we thought you were dyslexic. When I taught you how to ride a bike. Getting divorced again. Getting my master’s degree. Finally getting the job I wanted. Sending Samantha off to college. Sending you off to college. You know what’s next? Huh? It’s my fuckin’ funeral! Just go! And leave my picture!
Mason: Aren’t you jumping ahead by, like, 40 years or something?
Mom: I just thought there would be more.
& Nicole: You know how everyone’s always saying, «Seize the moment»?
Mason: I don’t know, I’m kinda thinking it’s the other way around. You know, like, the moment seizes us.
Nicole: Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Mason: It’s constant. The moment, it’s just... It’s like it’s always right now, you know?
Nicole: Yeah.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack
Σ Astonishing.
Mason: Last time I went bowling, we had bumpers and it was a lot more fun!
Dad: You don’t want the bumpers, all right? You bowl a strike with the bumpers and it doesn’t mean anything. Trust me.
& Samantha: Dad, these questions are kind of hard to answer.
Dad: What is so hard to answer about what sculpture are you making?
Samantha: It’s abstract.
Dad: Okay. Okay, that’s good. See, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know you were even interested in abstract art.
Samantha: I’m not. They make us do it.
& Mason: Dad? There’s no, like, real magic in the world, right?
Dad: What do you mean?
Mason: You know, like elves and stuff. People just made that up.
Dad: Oh, I don’t know. I mean, what makes you think that elves are any more magical than something like a whale? You know what I mean? What if I told you a story about how underneath the ocean, there was this giant sea mammal that used sonar and sang songs and it was so big that its heart was the size of a car and you could crawl through the arteries? I mean, you’d think that was pretty magical, right?
Mason: Yeah. But, like, right this second, there’s, like, no elves in the world, right?
Dad: No. Technically, no elves.
& Dad: Open it up. I call that the Beatles Black Album. What it is, is the best of John, Paul, George and Ringo, solo, post-breakup.
Mason: Thanks.
Dad: Basically, I put the band back together for you. Whenever you listen to too much of the solo stuff, it kind of becomes a drag, you know? But you put them next to each other, right, and they start to elevate each other, and then you can hear it. It’s The Beatles, you know?
Mason: I don’t know. I think I always just liked Paul the best.
Dad: It doesn’t matter, you know, you’re missing the point. There is no favorite Beatle! That’s what I’m saying. It’s in the balance. That’s what made them the greatest fucking rock band in the world, okay? And there’s this decade of music out there that’s been scattered, all right, and now it has been carefully found, arranged and ordered for you by your loving father.
Annie: Very arranged and very organized, over and over again by your loving father.
Dad: Yes, yes, yes. So, I mean, look at that, look at that. Uh, top of Volume II, first four tracks, you’ve got Band on the Run into My Sweet Lord into Jealous Guy into Photograph. Come on! It’s like the perfect segue. You got Paul, who takes you to the party, George who talks to you about God, John is just, «No, it’s about love and pain,» and then Ringo who just says, «Hey. Can’t we enjoy what we have while we have it?» It’s a good record. I shit you not.
Mason: Cool.
& Mason: I don’t usually even try to vocalize my thoughts or feelings or anything. I don’t know, it never sounds right. Words are stupid.
& Mom: This house is too big for us... It’s too expensive. I’m done.
Mason: Why did you even buy it in the first place then?
Mom: Because I really enjoy making poor life decisions, keeping us on the brink of poverty. I’ve spent the first half of my life acquiring all this crap, and now I’m gonna spend the second half of my life getting rid of all this stuff.
Mason: Really? Like what?
Mom: Well, I got rid of a couple husbands, now I’m gonna get rid of a mortgage, some maintenance, the tchotchskes, the homeowner’s insurance, the property tax, the plumbing... You know what? From now on, I am gonna be Mommy Monk. Simple. Celibate.
Mason: Don’t be gross, Mom.
Mom: Fine. I’ll be a poor whore with a big house. Is that better? Hmm?
& Mason: I finally figured it out. It’s like when they realized it was gonna be too expensive to actually build cyborgs and robots. I mean, the costs of that were impossible. They decided to just let humans turn themselves into robots. That’s what’s going on right now.
Sheena: Oh, right now?
Mason: Yeah! I mean, why not? They’re billions of us just laying around, not really doing anything. We don’t cost anything. We’re even pretty good at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly. And as it turns out, we’re already biologically programmed for our little cyborg upgrades.
Sheena: How?
Mason: Seriously. I read this thing the other day about how... When you hear that ding on your inbox, you get like a dopamine rush in your brain. It’s like we’re being chemically rewarded for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed. How evil is that? We’re fucked.
& Mason: That’s the thing, though, I’m not doing it for attention. I just wanna try and not live my life through a screen. I want some kind of actual interaction. A real person, not just the profile they put up.
& Mason: I mean, college? I mean, I like the idea of being away from home and gaining skills and getting better at photography. I just... I don’t know, I’m not counting on it being some big, transformative experience. I don’t think it’s that transformative. I just see it as the next step. But it’s like a preordained slot that’s already got your name and number on it. I don’t think it’s the key to my future. ’Cause, I mean, look at my mom. She got her degree and got a pretty good job. She can pay her bills.
Nick: I like your mom.
Mason: I like my mom, too. I just mean... Basically she’s still just as fuckin’ confused as I am.
& Dad: Am I your only ex at this party?
Mom: Yes. I’m not your only wife here, though.
& Mason: So, what’s the point?
Dad: Of what?
Mason: I don’t know, any of this. Everything.
Dad: Everything?! What’s the point?.. I mean, I sure as shit don’t know. Neither does anybody else, okay? We’re all just winging it, you know? The good news is you’re feeling stuff. And you’ve got to hold on to that.
& Mom: This is the worst day of my life.
Mason: What’re you talking about?
Mom: I knew this day was coming. I didn’t know you were gonna be so fuckin’ happy to be leaving.
Mason: I mean, it’s not that I’m that happy. What do you expect?
Mom: You know what I’m realizing? My life is just gonna go, like that. This series of milestones. Getting married. Having kids. Getting divorced. The time that we thought you were dyslexic. When I taught you how to ride a bike. Getting divorced again. Getting my master’s degree. Finally getting the job I wanted. Sending Samantha off to college. Sending you off to college. You know what’s next? Huh? It’s my fuckin’ funeral! Just go! And leave my picture!
Mason: Aren’t you jumping ahead by, like, 40 years or something?
Mom: I just thought there would be more.
& Nicole: You know how everyone’s always saying, «Seize the moment»?
Mason: I don’t know, I’m kinda thinking it’s the other way around. You know, like, the moment seizes us.
Nicole: Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Mason: It’s constant. The moment, it’s just... It’s like it’s always right now, you know?
Nicole: Yeah.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack
Σ Astonishing.
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