The Inherent, Unsullied Qualitative Value of Anything

You're the Worst 3×11

Jimmy: ....reevaluation. It's all up for review. I'm making a pros and cons list of everything in my life to work out whether I still need it or not.
Gretchen: Oh, boy.
Jimmy: It's the perfect post-emotional analytic tool to determine the inherent, unsullied qualitative value of anything. To whit. Stapler. Pros: petite, efficient, comely. Cons: literally no place for you in the digital world. Good-bye, old girl.

Gretchen: Fine, Jimmy. Do your insane, idiotic thing and get this over with. Gretchen pro-con list, go.

Gretchen: Here are two things to start off your pro list... Bam! Carpe those diems.

Gretchen: This is gonna be a waste of your time. The end result is gonna be, "Damn, she's awesome. That list was pointless. Wasted all that paper and ink. Sorry trees. Sorry squids."
Jimmy: Wait, is that how you think we get ink? From squids?

Gretchen: Who cares? We all have negative shit we think about everyone in our lives.
Lindsay: Yeah, but writing it down makes it real. Like Web sites or fortune cookies.

Jimmy: Okay. "I can't see having kids with her." Your turn.
Gretchen: ... I'm afraid you'll never be successful.

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