The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 1×1

Pilot

Miriam: Who gives a toast at her own wedding? I mean, who does that? Who stands in the middle of a ballroom after three glasses of champagne on a completely empty stomach... and I mean completely empt because fitting into this dress required no solid food for three straight weeks. Who does that?... I do.

Miriam: ...And yes, there is shrimp in the egg rolls.

Rose: I'm just afraid she's not a very pretty girl.
Miriam: Mama, she's a baby.
Rose: I just want her to be happy. It's easier to be happy when you're pretty.

Joel: Going on stage with holes in my shirt like a bum.
Miriam: It's downtown. If you have underwear on, you're overdressed.

Joel: Did you ever think you were supposed to be something, and, uh, and you suddenly realize you're not?
Miriam: Yes. Married.

Joel: Do you know what a dream is?... A dream is what keeps you going in a job you hate.
Miriam: Since when do you hate your job?
Joel: Do you know what I do, Midge?
Miriam: You're the vice president of...
Joel: No, no, no, no. Do you know what I do every day? Day in and day out, what the actual physical machinations of my job are?
Miriam: No.
Joel: Neither do I! I take meetings. I take phone calls. I shuffle paper around, and I have no idea of what the hell I actually do.
Miriam: Maybe if you did, you'd like it more.

Abe: When I agreed to send you to that fancy goyische college, what was the one thing I told you?
Miriam: They'll have terrible deli?
Abe: The important thing I told you.
Miriam: That was about deli, too.
Abe: The other important thing I told you!
Miriam: Don't pick a weak man.
Abe: Ah.

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Miriam: This isn't my fault!
Abe: Of course it's your fault. ... Everything we bring on ourselves is our own fault.

Miriam: This isn't fair.
Abe: Life isn't fair. It's hard and cruel. You have to pick your friends as if there's a war going on. You want a husband who'll take a bullet for you, not one who points to the attic and says "They're up there."

Miriam: You liked him.
Abe: I knew what he was.
Miriam: Why didn't you tell me, then?
Abe: I did tell you!
Miriam: When did you tell me?
Abe: When you first came home with him. That night. I looked at you. I asked, "Is this the choice?" And you said yes.
Miriam: That was telling me?
Abe: I have to spell it out for you?

Miriam: Now I'm just a single, gray-haired ex-con drinking hooch and eating old nuts in someone else's shoes.

Susie: I don't mind being alone. I just do not want to be insignificant. Do you? Don't you want to do something no one else can do? Be remembered as something other than a mother or a housewife or member of the Communist Party?
Miriam: When did I become a member of the Communist Party?
Susie: The minute you took that flyer.

Miriam: Shit. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's Yom Kippur. I'm supposed to be fasting, atoning for my sins in the eyes of God.
Susie: So?
Miriam: So I'm eating peanuts.
Susie: You showed your tits to half of Greenwich Village. You think the fucking nuts are what's going to piss Him off?

Lenny Bruce: It's a terrible, terrible job. It should not exist, like cancer and God.

Miriam: But do you love it?... Yeah. He loves it.

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