The Ricks Must Be Crazy

Rick and Morty 2x6

Morty: I-I'm pretty jealous.
Rick: Don't be, Morty. There's pros and cons to every alternate timeline. Fun facts about this one-- It's got giant, telepathic spiders, 119/118, and the best ice cream in the multiverse!

Rick: “Quantum carburetor“? Jesus, Morty. You can't just add a s-- sci-fi word to a car word and hope it means something.

Morty: I thought we were inside your car battery, Rick! T-T-This is like a whole p-planet or something.
Rick: Thanks, Morty. I'm pretty proud of this bad boy. Check it out. I put a spatially tessellated void inside a modified temporal field until a planet developed intelligent life. I then introduced that life to the wonders of electricity, which they now generate on a global scale. And, you know, some of it goes to power my engine and charge my phone and stuff.
Morty: You have a whole planet making your power for you? That's slavery.
Rick: It's society. They work for each other, Morty. They pay each other. They buy houses. They get married and make children that replace them when they get too old to make power.
Morty: That just sounds like slavery with extra steps.
Rick: Ooh-lala, someone's gonna get laid in college.

Rick: Morty, you gotta flip them off. I told them it means "peace among worlds." How hilarious is that?

Rick: I would love to see it.
Chris: Fuck You.
Rick: What did you say to me?!
Chris: "Fuck You." Y-You told me it means "much obliged."
Rick: Oh. Right. Uh, b-blow me.
Chris: No, no, no. Blow me.

Rick's Computer: Keep Summer safe.

Zeep: Wait a minute. Did you create my universe? Is my universe a miniverse?!
Rick: Microverse!
Kyle: Uh, teenyverse.

---

Kyle: Are they not really aliens?
Morty: Nah, they're just a couple of crazy, wacky scientists, you know?
Kyle: So he made a universe... and that guy is from that universe. And that guy made a universe. And that's the universe where I was born. Where my father died. Where I couldn't make time for his funeral because I was working on my universe.
Morty: Science, huh? Ain't it a thing.

Zeep: I crafted the guy that created the planet you're standing on!
Rick: Yeah, and I made the stars that became the carbon in your mother's ovaries!
Zeep: I didn't ask to be born!

Rick's Computer: My function is to keep Summer safe, not keep Summer being, like, totally stoked about, like, the general vibe and stuff. That's you. That's how you talk.

Morty: We have no leaders. We follow only the will of the forest.
Rick: Ooh. Wow. Gaaaaay.
Zeep: That is pretty gay.

Morty: You have to get us the fuck outta here. These people are backwards savages. They eat every third baby because they think it makes fruit grow bigger. Everyone's gross, and they all smell like piss all the time. I m-- I m-- I miss my family. I miss my laptop.

Zeep: I guess you're an okay proto recombinator.
Rick: I've certainly seen worse ionic cell dioxination.
Zeep: If this works, drinks are on me.
Rick: If drinks are on you, you're gonna need a second mortgage on that tower. I'm an alcoholic.
Zeep: Opium addict.

Morty: You guys are the fucking worst! Your gods are a lie! Fuck you, fuck nature, and fuck trees!

Zeep: I'll be back in a sec.
Rick: You know how long a second can take in a microverse?

Rick: Hey. Zeep. Happy Ricksgiving, biiiiiitch.

Rick: You quit school, but you still got some learning to do...

Rick: Class dismissed.

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