Infernal Guinea Pig

Lucifer 3×16

Lucifer: Once upon a time, there were two brothers... Kane and Abel. They fought, as brothers often do, over everything. ...

Pierce: Wait, back up. My brother is in Hell?
Lucifer: Yes, of course. In fact, he's our oldest tenant.
Pierce: I knew it! Do you know how many times I've tried to tell people Abel is the asshat? No one ever believes me.

Lucifer: Well, how much do you hate your brother on a scale of one to ten?
Pierce: One thousand, infinity plus one.

Lucifer: Enjoy the show, Dad...

Lucifer: Time to call the detective.
Pierce: Yeah, that's a great idea. "Hey, Decker. We broke Abel out of Hell, dropped his soul into the wrong body and lost him. Now he's on the lam in the body of the victim from your case. Also, I'm immortal."
Lucifer: There's no need to get snippy.

Linda: Your desire to win tells me you have a strong need for control.

Mazikeen: Oh, God, Abel. You never forget your first...

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Mazikeen: Did you know that Abel was the first soul in Hell?
Lucifer: Mm, an infernal guinea pig, so to speak.
Mazikeen: We all learned to torture by torturing him.

Chloe: Okay, we're gonna need to search your property. Extensively.

Amenadiel: Abel. Have you seen yourself lately?
Bree Garland: Oh. Are those bosoms mine? So that's why none of those menfolk heard a word I said.

Pierce: How do we find him?
Mazikeen: Well... Your brother's a predictable one. He always runs to food or boobs. Usually boobs.

Abel: Yes! Finally! Slayed you before you slayed me! Ashes to ashes, you bastard!

Kane: You're alive, brother.

Pierce: It's now time for Plan "C."

Chloe: So... what do I do now? What, cut all these wires willy-nilly?
Pierce: Damn movies. No. You have to get into the box and disconnect the trigger.

Mazikeen: Up your butt! That's where I want to shove this. And then, I'll press the button.

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