The Apartment

Seinfeld 2×5

& Jerry: My idea of the perfect living room... would be the bridge on the starship Enterprise. You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control... That’s why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. Just hurtling through space in your living room watching TV.

& Jerry: So it’s okay? She can have it?
    Harold: Sure. She’s getting a bargain too. It’s only $400 a month.
Ω !!!

& Jerry: I don’t know if you should sit for this or not. Sitting is good if you faint... but standing is good for jumping up and down.

& Jerry: I’m an idiot. You think you’re an idiot, but with all due respect... I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.
    George: Don’t insult me, my friend. Remember who you’re talking to. No one’s a bigger idiot than me.
    Jerry: Ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building?

& Jerry: My censoring system broke down. You know that little guy in your head who watches everything you say? He went for a cup of coffee. And, in that second, ruined my life.

& George: For that rent, she’d take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.

& George: I’d like to have a kid... Of course, you have to have a date first.

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& Jerry: You know, I used to think that the universe... is a random, chaotic sequence of meaningless events. But I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things.
George: What happened to you?
    Jerry: Religion, my friend. That’s what happened to me.

& Jerry: I love Elaine.
    George: Of course you do.
    Jerry: But, you know, not in the building.

& Kramer: Oh, come on. She’ll pay you back! What’s 5 grand between friends?

& Jerry: People don’t turn down money. It’s what separates us from the animals.

& Jerry: Let me explain something to you. You see... you’re not normal. You’re a great guy. I love you, but you’re a pod. I, on the other hand, am a human being. I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable... even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings. You wouldn’t understand.
    Kramer: Yeah. Because I’m a pod.

& Roxanne: So you’re Elaine’s hero.
    Jerry: Yes, it’s my life’s work.

& Roxanne: Oh, the marathon is great, isn’t it?
    Jerry: Oh, yes. Particularly if you’re not in it.
    Roxanne: I wish we had a view of the finish line...
    Jerry: What’s to see? A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya and 20,000 losers.

& Elaine: From a distance, you seemed to be coming on to her.
    Jerry: Oh, I’m a guy. It always looks like that.

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+ quotes on the IMDb