— I thought this was supposed to be a comedy. That was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen!
— Just horrible. This is a disgrace.
— I just don’t get it. I think the guy’s losing his mind.
— Something wrong with him. He’s out of balance.
— He’s not funny anymore.
— $12 million for that garbage? What self-indulgence!
— We can take the film away from him, we can reshoot it, we can recut it. Maybe we can salvage something.
— He’s pretentious. His filming style is too fancy. His insights are shallow and morbid. I’ve seen it all before.
— They try to document their private suffering and fob it off as art. What does he have to suffer about?
— Doesn’t the man know he’s got the greatest gift, the gift of laughter?
— What are you thinking about when you look out there?
Sandy Bates: Just, you know, all those people and... You know, how unhappy most of them are and... Those terrible things they do to each other and, you know... Everything’s over so quickly, and you don’t have any idea of was it worth it or not.
Sandy Bates: I’ve never seen such a sexy classical violinist before. I mean it. Usually they’re escaped Hungarians.
Fan: Your films are always psychological, never political. Where do you stand politically?
Sandy Bates: Sandy Bates: What can I say to that? I’m for total, honest democracy. And I also believe the American system can work.
Fan: A lot of people have accused you of being narcissistic...
Sandy Bates: I know, people think I’m egotistical and narcissistic, but it’s not true. As a matter of fact, if I did identify with a Greek mythological character, it would not be Narcissus.
Fan: Who would it be?
Sandy Bates: Zeus.
Sandy Bates: I don’t want anybody going to Jazz Heaven. That’s a nitwit idea. You know, the whole point of the movie is that nobody is saved.
— Sandy, this is an Easter film! We don’t need a movie by an atheist.
Sandy Bates: To you, I’m an atheist. To God, I’m the loyal opposition.
Sandy Bates: You can’t control life. It doesn’t wind up perfectly. Only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Fan: Do you really feel there’s such a thing as a perfect mate? I mean, don’t you think the basis of any mature relationship is really compromise?
Sandy Bates: I think any relationship is not based on either compromise or maturity or perfection or any of that. It’s really based on luck. You know, that’s the key thing. People don’t like to acknowledge that, because it means a loss of control, but you really have to be lucky.
Sandy Bates: Dorrie was great. She was bright, she was quick... She had a perfect personality. She was completely self-conscious out of bed, and when you got her in bed she was completely unselfconscious. It’s a perfect balance.
Sandy Bates: What do you want me to say? I was the kid in the neighbourhood that told the jokes, right? So we live in a society that puts a big value on jokes, you know? .... It’s luck. It’s all luck. I was lucky. I’m the first to admit I was a lucky bum. If I was not born in Brooklyn, if I had been born in Poland or Berlin, I’d be a lampshade today, right? It could happen just like that. So, you know, be thankful that you’re not Nat Bernstein.
Jerry Abraham: Nat Bernstein?
Sandy Bates: Yeah, wasted away. Incurable disease.
Fan: Are you Sandy Bates?
Sandy Bates: No.
Fan: Yes, you are.
Sandy Bates: No, no, no.
Fan: My mother buys meat in the same butcher’s your mother does.
Sandy Bates: Great.
Fan: Can I have your autograph?
Sandy Bates: Oh, jeez!
Fan: Could you write, «To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch»?
Sandy Bates: When I was a kid, the thing that I always wanted was an elephant. I could never convince my mother to get one for me.
Sandy Bates: Obviously if you don’t have enough to eat or something, that becomes a major problem, the issues become very clear-cut. But what happens if you’re living in a more affluent society and you’re lucky enough to not have to worry about that, you’re surviving? So then your problems become how can I fall in love, or why can’t I fall in love, more accurately, and why do I age and die, and what meaning can my life possibly have? The issues become very complex for you.
Sandy Bates: I’m not a depressive. I have a good time. I have laughs.
Daisy: Do you?
Sandy Bates: Why? Do you not think so?
Daisy: I don’t know. Like what do you do, for example, for laughs?
Sandy Bates: What do I do? The usual, you know. Read, walk, communicate, all that stuff. Get undressed and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on a loved one.
UFO Follower: Mr Bates? Excuse me. What have you got against intellectuals?
Sandy Bates: Intellectuals? Nothing. Why?
UFO Follower: Mr Bates, I’ve seen all your films. You really feel threatened by them.
Sandy Bates: Threatened? You’re kidding. I’ve always said they’re like the Mafia. They only kill their own.
Sandy Bates: You guys got to tell me, why is there so much human suffering?
Aliens: This is unanswerable.
Sandy Bates: Is there a God?
Aliens: These are the wrong questions.
Sandy Bates: Look, here’s my point. If nothing lasts, why am I bothering to make films, or do anything, for that matter?
Aliens: We enjoy your films. Particularly the early funny ones.
Sandy Bates: But shouldn’t I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?
Aliens: Let me tell you, you’re not the missionary type. You’d never last. And-and incidentally, you’re also not Superman; you’re a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.
Nurse: It’s a shame. Poor fool, he’s dead. And he never really found out the meaning of life.
Psychoanalyst: He saw reality too clearly. Faulty denial mechanism. Failed to block out the terrible truths of existence. In the end, his inability to push away the awful facts of being in the world rendered his life meaningless. Or as one great Hollywood producer said, «Too much reality is not what the people want.»
Fan: It’s amazing, Rash. From this he makes a living? I like a melodrama, a musical comedy with a plot.
--
++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks
— Just horrible. This is a disgrace.
— I just don’t get it. I think the guy’s losing his mind.
— Something wrong with him. He’s out of balance.
— He’s not funny anymore.
— $12 million for that garbage? What self-indulgence!
— We can take the film away from him, we can reshoot it, we can recut it. Maybe we can salvage something.
— He’s pretentious. His filming style is too fancy. His insights are shallow and morbid. I’ve seen it all before.
— They try to document their private suffering and fob it off as art. What does he have to suffer about?
— Doesn’t the man know he’s got the greatest gift, the gift of laughter?
— What are you thinking about when you look out there?
Sandy Bates: Just, you know, all those people and... You know, how unhappy most of them are and... Those terrible things they do to each other and, you know... Everything’s over so quickly, and you don’t have any idea of was it worth it or not.
Sandy Bates: I’ve never seen such a sexy classical violinist before. I mean it. Usually they’re escaped Hungarians.
Fan: Your films are always psychological, never political. Where do you stand politically?
Sandy Bates: Sandy Bates: What can I say to that? I’m for total, honest democracy. And I also believe the American system can work.
Fan: A lot of people have accused you of being narcissistic...
Sandy Bates: I know, people think I’m egotistical and narcissistic, but it’s not true. As a matter of fact, if I did identify with a Greek mythological character, it would not be Narcissus.
Fan: Who would it be?
Sandy Bates: Zeus.
Sandy Bates: I don’t want anybody going to Jazz Heaven. That’s a nitwit idea. You know, the whole point of the movie is that nobody is saved.
— Sandy, this is an Easter film! We don’t need a movie by an atheist.
Sandy Bates: To you, I’m an atheist. To God, I’m the loyal opposition.
Sandy Bates: You can’t control life. It doesn’t wind up perfectly. Only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Fan: Do you really feel there’s such a thing as a perfect mate? I mean, don’t you think the basis of any mature relationship is really compromise?
Sandy Bates: I think any relationship is not based on either compromise or maturity or perfection or any of that. It’s really based on luck. You know, that’s the key thing. People don’t like to acknowledge that, because it means a loss of control, but you really have to be lucky.
Sandy Bates: Dorrie was great. She was bright, she was quick... She had a perfect personality. She was completely self-conscious out of bed, and when you got her in bed she was completely unselfconscious. It’s a perfect balance.
Sandy Bates: What do you want me to say? I was the kid in the neighbourhood that told the jokes, right? So we live in a society that puts a big value on jokes, you know? .... It’s luck. It’s all luck. I was lucky. I’m the first to admit I was a lucky bum. If I was not born in Brooklyn, if I had been born in Poland or Berlin, I’d be a lampshade today, right? It could happen just like that. So, you know, be thankful that you’re not Nat Bernstein.
Jerry Abraham: Nat Bernstein?
Sandy Bates: Yeah, wasted away. Incurable disease.
Fan: Are you Sandy Bates?
Sandy Bates: No.
Fan: Yes, you are.
Sandy Bates: No, no, no.
Fan: My mother buys meat in the same butcher’s your mother does.
Sandy Bates: Great.
Fan: Can I have your autograph?
Sandy Bates: Oh, jeez!
Fan: Could you write, «To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch»?
Sandy Bates: When I was a kid, the thing that I always wanted was an elephant. I could never convince my mother to get one for me.
Sandy Bates: Obviously if you don’t have enough to eat or something, that becomes a major problem, the issues become very clear-cut. But what happens if you’re living in a more affluent society and you’re lucky enough to not have to worry about that, you’re surviving? So then your problems become how can I fall in love, or why can’t I fall in love, more accurately, and why do I age and die, and what meaning can my life possibly have? The issues become very complex for you.
Sandy Bates: I’m not a depressive. I have a good time. I have laughs.
Daisy: Do you?
Sandy Bates: Why? Do you not think so?
Daisy: I don’t know. Like what do you do, for example, for laughs?
Sandy Bates: What do I do? The usual, you know. Read, walk, communicate, all that stuff. Get undressed and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on a loved one.
UFO Follower: Mr Bates? Excuse me. What have you got against intellectuals?
Sandy Bates: Intellectuals? Nothing. Why?
UFO Follower: Mr Bates, I’ve seen all your films. You really feel threatened by them.
Sandy Bates: Threatened? You’re kidding. I’ve always said they’re like the Mafia. They only kill their own.
Sandy Bates: You guys got to tell me, why is there so much human suffering?
Aliens: This is unanswerable.
Sandy Bates: Is there a God?
Aliens: These are the wrong questions.
Sandy Bates: Look, here’s my point. If nothing lasts, why am I bothering to make films, or do anything, for that matter?
Aliens: We enjoy your films. Particularly the early funny ones.
Sandy Bates: But shouldn’t I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?
Aliens: Let me tell you, you’re not the missionary type. You’d never last. And-and incidentally, you’re also not Superman; you’re a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.
Nurse: It’s a shame. Poor fool, he’s dead. And he never really found out the meaning of life.
Psychoanalyst: He saw reality too clearly. Faulty denial mechanism. Failed to block out the terrible truths of existence. In the end, his inability to push away the awful facts of being in the world rendered his life meaningless. Or as one great Hollywood producer said, «Too much reality is not what the people want.»
Fan: It’s amazing, Rash. From this he makes a living? I like a melodrama, a musical comedy with a plot.
--
++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks
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