& Fielding Mellish: I’m not suited to this job. Where do I come off testing products? Machines hate me. I should be working at a job that I have some kind of aptitude for. Like donating sperm to an artificial insemination lab.
& Fielding Mellish: Why did I quit college? I could’ve been something today.
Paul: So, what would you have been if you had finished school?
Fielding Mellish: I don’t know. I was in the Black Studies program. By now, I could’ve been black.
& Paul: I don’t know what I’m gonna do tonight...
Fielding Mellish: Get a date. We’ll double.
Paul: OK, I’ll call Barbara.
Fielding Mellish: All right, have her bring a friend.
& Semple: Hey, Ralph, how much is a copy of Orgasm?
Fielding Mellish: Just put ’em in a bag, will you?
Semple: Orgasm. This man wants to buy a copy. How much is it?
Fielding Mellish: Doing a sociological study on perversion. I’m up to advanced child molesting.
& Nancy: Oh, would you like to volunteer for the Volunteers for San Marcos?
Fielding Mellish: Is it possible to discuss that over dinner tomorrow night? Doesn’t have to be tomorrow night. I’m wide open for the next six years.
& Fielding Mellish: Erm... the night after tomorrow?
Nancy: That’s... No, I can’t. I have a meeting of my women’s liberation group.
Fielding Mellish: You’re not... You don’t have hostility to the male sex?
Nancy: Oh, women’s rights do not automatically mean castration.
Fielding Mellish: Oh... don’t say that word! Now I’ve got to walk around like this for two days.
& Fielding Mellish: I love you. I love you.
Nancy: Oh, say it in French. Please say it in French.
Fielding Mellish: I don’t know French.
Nancy: Oh, please. Please.
Fielding Mellish: What about Hebrew?
& Fielding Mellish: I... I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I... They very rarely hit... I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They started beating me on the 23rd December 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of ’44.
& Nancy: Something missing. I don’t know what it is.
Fielding Mellish: Is it personality or looks?
Nancy: Well, no.
Fielding Mellish: Am I not smart enough?
Nancy: No.
Fielding Mellish: Is that what you’re saying?
Nancy: No.
Fielding Mellish: You mean... It has nothing to do with height?
Nancy: No, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re short, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re not bright enough. And it has nothing to do with the fact that your teeth are in bad shape.
& Fielding Mellish: Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’m like a cat. I’ll always wind up on my feet.
& Diaz: And now, as is our annual custom, each citizen of San Marcos will come up here and present his Excellency with his weight in horse manure.
General Emilio M. Vargas: Horse manure? I thought they were diamonds.
Diaz: We are an agrarian country.
General Emilio M. Vargas: Yes, but horse...
Diaz: You will fertilize your personal crops. Sometimes food is more valuable than gold.
& Esposito: Vargas has told everyone that you are dead. That we killed you. It is in all the newspapers.
Fielding Mellish: Yeah, well, I’m very much alive, and I mean to lodge a formal complaint.
Esposito: A complaint?
Fielding Mellish: Yes, you cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department.
& Esposito: You have a chance to die for freedom.
Fielding Mellish: Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you’re dead, it’s a tremendous drawback to your sex life.
Esposito: Are you such a snivelling dog?
Fielding Mellish: Depends what you mean by «such». I mean, I’m a good-sized snivelling dog.
& Esposito: History sometimes chooses strange ways. Today you are fearful. Perhaps one day you will be a tiger.
Fielding Mellish: Don’t hold your breath. If you ever need a squirrel, call me.
& Fielding Mellish: Me?!
Luis: The men have a growing respect for you. It is a chance to prove yourself.
Fielding Mellish: Oh, look, I don’t wanna prove anything.
Luis: You will fight a hero, and if necessary, you will die a hero.
Fielding Mellish: You’d better get some rest, Luis. You’re beginning to talk gibberish.
& Fielding Mellish: We need money. What is the chief export of San Marcos?
Luis: Dysentery. We grow bananas.
Fielding Mellish: Bananas, bananas.
& Prosecutor: And you remember Fielding Mellish?
Officer Dowd: He’s got a record. He was always being picked up at one demonstration or another. He’s a bad apple, a commie. A New York Jewish intellectual communist crackpot. I mean, I don’t wanna cast no aspersions.
& Priest: You stick to New Testament cigarettes, and all is forgiven.
Cigarette Commercial Man: Thank you, Father.
Priest: New Testament cigarettes. I smoke ’em. He smokes ’em.
--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
& Fielding Mellish: Why did I quit college? I could’ve been something today.
Paul: So, what would you have been if you had finished school?
Fielding Mellish: I don’t know. I was in the Black Studies program. By now, I could’ve been black.
& Paul: I don’t know what I’m gonna do tonight...
Fielding Mellish: Get a date. We’ll double.
Paul: OK, I’ll call Barbara.
Fielding Mellish: All right, have her bring a friend.
& Semple: Hey, Ralph, how much is a copy of Orgasm?
Fielding Mellish: Just put ’em in a bag, will you?
Semple: Orgasm. This man wants to buy a copy. How much is it?
Fielding Mellish: Doing a sociological study on perversion. I’m up to advanced child molesting.
& Nancy: Oh, would you like to volunteer for the Volunteers for San Marcos?
Fielding Mellish: Is it possible to discuss that over dinner tomorrow night? Doesn’t have to be tomorrow night. I’m wide open for the next six years.
& Fielding Mellish: Erm... the night after tomorrow?
Nancy: That’s... No, I can’t. I have a meeting of my women’s liberation group.
Fielding Mellish: You’re not... You don’t have hostility to the male sex?
Nancy: Oh, women’s rights do not automatically mean castration.
Fielding Mellish: Oh... don’t say that word! Now I’ve got to walk around like this for two days.
& Fielding Mellish: I love you. I love you.
Nancy: Oh, say it in French. Please say it in French.
Fielding Mellish: I don’t know French.
Nancy: Oh, please. Please.
Fielding Mellish: What about Hebrew?
& Fielding Mellish: I... I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I... They very rarely hit... I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They started beating me on the 23rd December 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of ’44.
& Nancy: Something missing. I don’t know what it is.
Fielding Mellish: Is it personality or looks?
Nancy: Well, no.
Fielding Mellish: Am I not smart enough?
Nancy: No.
Fielding Mellish: Is that what you’re saying?
Nancy: No.
Fielding Mellish: You mean... It has nothing to do with height?
Nancy: No, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re short, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re not bright enough. And it has nothing to do with the fact that your teeth are in bad shape.
& Fielding Mellish: Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’m like a cat. I’ll always wind up on my feet.
& Diaz: And now, as is our annual custom, each citizen of San Marcos will come up here and present his Excellency with his weight in horse manure.
General Emilio M. Vargas: Horse manure? I thought they were diamonds.
Diaz: We are an agrarian country.
General Emilio M. Vargas: Yes, but horse...
Diaz: You will fertilize your personal crops. Sometimes food is more valuable than gold.
& Esposito: Vargas has told everyone that you are dead. That we killed you. It is in all the newspapers.
Fielding Mellish: Yeah, well, I’m very much alive, and I mean to lodge a formal complaint.
Esposito: A complaint?
Fielding Mellish: Yes, you cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department.
& Esposito: You have a chance to die for freedom.
Fielding Mellish: Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you’re dead, it’s a tremendous drawback to your sex life.
Esposito: Are you such a snivelling dog?
Fielding Mellish: Depends what you mean by «such». I mean, I’m a good-sized snivelling dog.
& Esposito: History sometimes chooses strange ways. Today you are fearful. Perhaps one day you will be a tiger.
Fielding Mellish: Don’t hold your breath. If you ever need a squirrel, call me.
& Fielding Mellish: Me?!
Luis: The men have a growing respect for you. It is a chance to prove yourself.
Fielding Mellish: Oh, look, I don’t wanna prove anything.
Luis: You will fight a hero, and if necessary, you will die a hero.
Fielding Mellish: You’d better get some rest, Luis. You’re beginning to talk gibberish.
& Fielding Mellish: We need money. What is the chief export of San Marcos?
Luis: Dysentery. We grow bananas.
Fielding Mellish: Bananas, bananas.
& Prosecutor: And you remember Fielding Mellish?
Officer Dowd: He’s got a record. He was always being picked up at one demonstration or another. He’s a bad apple, a commie. A New York Jewish intellectual communist crackpot. I mean, I don’t wanna cast no aspersions.
& Priest: You stick to New Testament cigarettes, and all is forgiven.
Cigarette Commercial Man: Thank you, Father.
Priest: New Testament cigarettes. I smoke ’em. He smokes ’em.
--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
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