The Last Man on Earth 2×18
& Carol: I just want you to come home so that Yorbalinda or Bezequiel can meet their daddy.
& Phil: ... Mothers and fathers are the people who make little babies like you. Now, how do they do that? Simple... When a man and a woman share a special connection, the man takes his penis and...
Carol: Ooh! Baby’s asleep.
& Phil: There’s only one place he could have gone...
& Phil: This, my friend, is full of active fart.
Mike: So, you farted into a jar and you saved it?
Phil: Eh, this is not some whimsical pursuit, Mike. This is a valid scientific experiment and an important one at that. How long can a fart retain its unique smell composition in a sealed jar?
Mike: Yeah, well, I hate to burst your bubble, but if that thing’s been in there for 30 years, it’s long gone.
& Phil: What, were you a friggin’ analyst in NASA’s fartology and toots division?
& Phil: Like Capone’s vault...
& Gail: I’m just happy that it’s real and there’s nothing wrong with my brain chemistry, and I can, you know, glug, glug, glug again.
& Todd: That was another survivor out there. You just shot them in the face.
Melissa: No, Todd, we’re the survivors, and I’m trying to keep it that way.
& Mike: How long have I been out?
Phil: Mike... you’ve been asleep for four years.... JK, about three hours.
& Mike: You are the most childish, selfish person I have ever met! You made a mess of your whole life, and now you’re messing with my death!
& Mike: The only time you even came close to actually being special was when everyone died but you.
& Carol: There’s a life in there. It’s a life that’s never gonna know the pre-virus world we lived in... only this world... and this world... can’t suck. I won’t stand for it.
& Phil: Mike? Got something for you, too... These are my buddies. They got me through some hard times.
& Phil: Oh, dear God. Oh, dear God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, farts.
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