The Matrimonial Momentum

The Big Bang Theory 9×1

& Sheldon: Leonard, have you gotten married yet?
    Leonard: No. Why?
    Sheldon: Good. Don’t do it!
    Leonard: Why not?
    Sheldon: Some important new information has come to light. Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts, but I was wrong. No piece of paper ever cut me this deep.

& Sheldon: Is Penny crying?
    Leonard: No.
    Sheldon: No, of course not. They thrive on our suffering.

& Leonard: Is there anything I can do?
    Sheldon: Yes. If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me like I do to you when you say dumb things.

& Sheldon: And why wasn’t I invited to this?
    Amy: Maybe because the two of us being there would make them feel awkward.
    Sheldon: We make everyone feel awkward. That’s our thing!

& Bernadette: For God’s sake, Sheldon, what are you doing?
    Sheldon: I didn’t want to come in. I was told it would make everyone feel uncomfortable. So I’ll just stay out here and pretend that I don’t have to go to the bathroom.

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& Leonard: «Penny, we are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled 14 billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.»
    Penny: Wow.
    Minister: Penny?
    Penny: Right. Um... okay. Leonard, I mean, you’re not only the love of my life. I mean, you’re my best friend, and... you’ve got a friend in me. You got troubles. I got ’em, too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together, and we can see it through, ’cause... you’ve got a friend in me.
    Minister: Is that the song from Toy Story?
    Penny: He loves that movie.
    Leonard: I do.

& Sheldon: Amy, I don’t understand, are we broken up or not? It’s like you can’t make up your mind.
    Amy: It’s because you’re not giving me any space to think.
    Sheldon: Well, you should think fast, because men can sire offspring their entire lives, but those eggs you’re toting around have a sell-by date.
    Amy: You know what, Sheldon, you’ve made this really easy.

& Leonard: Okay, l-look, instead of fighting, why don’t we dim the lights, um, get naked and make a baby?

& Mary: Are you sure it’s over for good?
    Sheldon: It’s over for me. I’m done with women.

& Mary: You want to tell me what happened?
    Sheldon: Are you going to say it’s all part of God’s plan?
    Mary: Good chance.
    Sheldon: Then no, thank you.

& Leonard: Okay, listen, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift!

& Sheldon: Knock, knock, knock, Penny?.. Knock, knock, knock, Penny? Knock, knock, knock, Penny?

& Sheldon: Turns out, being sweet isn’t enough to keep a girl these days. I blame Madonna.

& Penny: I told her to be true to herself and do what makes her happy.
    Sheldon: Do what makes her happy?! She plays the harp and her car is paid for. How much happier can she be?

& Sheldon: Would you mind opening the door and then angrily slamming it behind me?.. And slam it hard, because I am pretty steamed.

& Sheldon: Would you like to hear another reason why men are better than women?
    Leonard: Sure, let’s make it an even hundred.
    Sheldon: You would never kiss me and make me say «I love you» and then break up with me.
    Leonard: I wouldn’t.
    Sheldon: And you know why? ’Cause you’re a man. The champagne of genders.

& Leonard: Can’t believe I’m spending my wedding night with you.
    Sheldon: Really? I never imagined it any other way.

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