The Misinterpretation Agitation

The Big Bang Theory 8×7

& Bernadette: What would a one-celled organism have to be embarrassed about?
    Penny: Same as all of us, getting out of a car without underwear.

& Bernadette: I have some interesting news...
    Penny: Okay, if it’s sometimes Howie wears yours, Leonard already told us.
    Bernadette: He was being funny... I’m pretty sure.

& Penny: I think you should do whatever you want. You know, maybe if fashion magazines had female scientists in them, I would’ve become a theoretical physicist... Stop smirking at each other!

& Sheldon: Delivery men are the unsung foot soldiers of our nation’s commerce. It’s because of people like you, people like me can limit our human contact. I’d shake your hand, but, well, you know.

& Sheldon: Uh, extra peanut sauce?
    Leonard: No, but you can have mine.
    Sheldon: Eh, well, very well. Oh, and on the topic of sharing things that are yours, there is a gentleman caller bringing flowers to your fiancée as we speak.
    Leonard: What?! Why didn’t you say that first?
    Sheldon: Why didn’t you get extra peanut sauce? We can both play this game...

& Dr. Lorvis: Well, uh... I-I met her at my office, she winked at me. And, uh... I-I came hoping to initiate a romantic relationship.

& Dr. Lorvis: ...And then she touched my arm for two Mississippis. Like, you know, one Mississippi, two...
    Leonard: I got it, I got it!

& Dr. Lorvis: When will I learn? It’s just like the cute girl at the pet store all over again.
    Leonard: Excuse me?
    Dr. Lorvis: Oh, uh, she touched my arm for five Mississippis, and I bought a $2,000 iguana habitat.

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& Dr. Lorvis: I don’t like to brag, but, uh, you see, I’m kind of the doctor to the stars’ urinary tracts.
    — Wow!
    Dr. Lorvis: Uh, you, you want to see James Cameron’s kidney stone?

& Dr. Lorvis: Can I ask you a personal question?.. Um, I mean, you’re a guy like me, so how’d you get a girl like Penny?
    Leonard: Oh. Well, you know, just... being myself, really.
    Sheldon: Oh, please! You know, I’ll tell you how he did it. Implacable, relentless badgering. In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection. And she was a urethra that could not shake him.
    Leonard: I don’t know that I’d call myself an infection.
    Howard: A gallant man would defend his fiancée for being called a urethra...

& Dr. Lorvis: You touched my arm for two Mississippis.
    Penny: Oh. That’s why you were mumbling «Mississippi.»

& Sheldon: So what other celebrity genitalia have you handled?

& Leonard: Oh, my God!
    Sheldon: Leonard, I was wrong. Heaven does exist. And it’s in the basement of a urologist’s house in Sherman Oaks.

& Dr. Lorvis: Welcome to my Fortress of Solitude. This is where I go to get away from... all my other solitude.

& Howard: Oh, come on. It’s a replica.
    Dr. Lorvis: Original.
    Howard: Oh, I think I just cheated on my wife.

& Leonard: Wow, Donkey Kong! This-this was my game when I was a kid!
    Sheldon: Because it’s a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small, oddly-shaped man?

& Penny: Doc, you’ve got to see what you’re doing is-is a little creepy.
    Dr. Lorvis: You sound just like Sigourney Weaver when I followed her into a restroom.

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+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Billy Bob Thornton (remind Lorne Malvo type)!