The In-Laws

Citizen Khan 3×2

& Shazia: What are you wearing?
    Mr. Khan: Smoking jacket. Good, eh?
    Shazia: The trousers are a bit tight.
    Mrs. Khan: Told you not to buy them on eBay.
    Mr. Khan: They were ten seconds to go. I had to put a bid in. Sophisticated, isn’t it?

& Mr. Khan: ...and then we ring gong for dinner...
    Amjad: The what?
    Mr. Khan: Gonnnnnnggg...! Dinner is served.
    Amjad: Actually, it’s «bong» not «gong».
    Mr. Khan: All right, Miss Camilla Parker Know-It-Alls! I think I know more about etiquette than you do.

& Mr. Khan: ...And then, after dinner, we can play charades.
    Shazia: Why are we doing that?
    Amjad: It’s Dad’s favourite game. He practises at home all the time.
    Shazia: How?
    Amjad: Mum never lets him say anything.

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& Mr. Khan: Blimey, are we expecting someone with three sets of arms?
    Mrs. Khan: Starter, soup spoon, main course, dessert.
    Mr. Khan: And if you forget how to use your knife and fork, just remember you’re Pakistani, and eat with your fingers!

& Mrs. Khan: What are you doing?
    Mr. Khan: You want everything to be perfect. This is how they do it on the Downton Abbey. Knife and fork must be exactly... 12 inches apart.
    Mrs. Khan: Are you sure?
    Mr. Khan: Of course! If you haven’t got your 12 inches, you can’t be laid properly.
    Mrs. Khan: I wish someone had told me that before...

& Mr. Khan: Isn’t this fun, eh, smashing plates? All very Greek, isn’t it? A right Mrs Khanopolopolis, isn’t she?

& Shazia: We don’t want some great big Pakistani wedding.
    Mrs. Khan: No, beti. Just a small do, only 300 people.

& Mr. Khan: Salaam aleikum, officer. Mr Khan, community leader — K, H for Hat, A for Asian, N for Knowledge — they all know me.

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On the IMDb