The Big Bang Theory 6×18
& Sheldon: If you ask me, this whole thing is a waste of our time.
Leonard: Helping women?
Sheldon: Yeah, helping anyone. People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday, when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office? I’m not saying people can’t use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.
& Leonard: You don’t think it’s worthwhile to try to get more women working in science?
Sheldon: I think that’s incredibly sexist of you. I believe in a gender-blind society like in Star Trek, where women and men of all races and creeds work side by side as equals.
Leonard: You mean where they were advanced enough to invent an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone?
Howard: Oh, I did spend a lot of my shower time with Lieutenant Uhura...
& Howard: All right, I think we’ve really helped women today. Let’s fire up the old Xbox.
Leonard: Guys, please don’t make this a school project where I’m the smart kid doing all the work while the slackers sit back and watch.
Sheldon: No, we’re not. This time you’re the smart kid doing all the work while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.
Howard: So, you think I’m one of the smarter kids?
Sheldon: No, you’re a tool I was using to make my point.
& Leonard: Guys, our topic is “Encouraging Women in Science.” Can you at least play a less sexist game?
Sheldon: How is it sexist? My character wields a battle axe as well as any man.
Howard: Not to mention she has mammary glands that could nurse a family of 30. And have enough milk left over to open a Baskin Robbins.
& Sheldon: Oh, hold on. While I’m comfortable speaking about science, I’m not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren. Better Google it...
Howard: What exactly are you looking up?
Sheldon: “How do I get 12-year-old girls excited...”
Howard: No!..
Leonard: No!..
& Raj: Thanks again for letting me crash “girls’ night.”
Penny: Are you kidding? You brought fancy wine and made fondue. I’ve slept with guys for less. ........... It’s a joke... Based on real events.
& Bernadette: Why don’t you take her to Disneyland? You go on Space Mountain, you’re in the dark, she’s holding onto you.
Penny: Yeah, but you just have to remember, that ride is shorter than you think and they take a picture of you at the end, so make sure you got your clothes back on. ........... It’s a joke... Based on real events.
& Penny: So, blow off work, go on a weekday.
Hooky? I’ve never played hooky in my life. My mom said that’s how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music.
Penny: It’s more like how girls end up at a Best Western hotel with a 34-year-old guy named Luther.
Bernadette: Joke?..
Penny: I can laugh about it now.
& Penny: Wait, what was your problem again?
Raj: I am a man who can’t talk to women, trying to figure out how to go on a romantic date with a girl who suffers from such crippling social anxiety she can’t be around other people.
Penny: Yeah, that’s a toughie.
Bernadette: Let’s think....
Amy: Hmm. ........... We doing just Disney or California Adventure, too?
& Leonard: It’s nice of your old school to let us try out our science talk on some female students.
Howard: Well, they’re actually pretty excited. I’m their most famous alum. If you don’t count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes.
& Howard: Last time I was here, I was just a scrawny little nerd.
Leonard: And now you’re also an astronaut.
& Bernadette: So, you pick your princess... Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella... they give you hair, makeup, the works.
Penny: ... Guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
Amy: Oh, I want to be Cinderella, too!
Bernadette: Yeah... We can’t all be Cinderella.
Amy: Then how do we decide?
Bernadette: Well, it’s simple. This was my idea. I’m driving. I’m Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.
& Sheldon: Hello, female children. Allow me to inspire you with a story about a great female scientist. Polish-born, French-educated Madame Curie. Codiscoverer of radioactivity, she was a hero of science... until her hair fell out; her vomit and stool became filled with blood... and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery. With a little hard work, I see no reason why that can’t happen to any of you. Are we done? Can we go?
& Girl 1: Did you go to the moon?
Howard: No, but I did go to the International Space Station.
Girl 1: Did you fly the rocket?
Howard: No, but I was in the rocket. I didn’t actually...
Girl 1: So you just flew around? That’s kind of like my uncle. He’s a flight attendant.
Howard: No... I’m an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?!
& Raj: ’I still don’t know what you do for a living.’
Lucy: ’Web design.’
Raj: ’Anything I might have seen?’
Lucy: ’I don’t know. You ever look at porn Web sites?’
Raj: .......... ’No, never. What is porn?’
& Lucy: I’m gonna go. ... Maybe I could do one more scary thing before I go... and give you a kiss good-bye? You know, if that’s okay.
Raj: Okay.
Lucy: Panic attack! Maybe next time.
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