I Think You Offended Don

Two and a Half Men 6×13

& Alan: What happened to your money?
    Charlie: Good question. You know how easy Texas Hold ’Em looks on TV when you can see the other guys’ hole cards?
    Alan: Yeah.
    Charlie: Very different in real life.

& Charlie: Oh, hey, a calendar... What’s “JMC” stand for?
    Alan: Nothing.
    Charlie: Oh, come on. John Mellencamp Cougar?
    Alan: No.
    Charlie: Jumping Methodist... Cougar?
    Alan: No.
    Charlie: Then I give up.
    Alan: Well... if you must know, it stands for “Judith’s menstrual cycle.”
    Charlie: Get out.

& Alan: Just thought I’d stop by and see if you needed any help with the baby’s room.
    Herb: Thanks, I’m painting today.
    Alan: Oh, great. Just call me Vincent Van “Gogh-ing” to help you. ... Funnier in my head. Let’s go.

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& Charlie: How about I tell you something embarrassing about myself first?
    Jake: Like what?
    Charlie: Well, let’s see... All right, about 15 years ago, I was in Bangkok.
    Jake: What?!
    Charlie: Bangkok. ..... It’s a real place, you nimrod!
    Jake: Still funny though.

& Jake: How do I look?
    Charlie: She already likes you, right?
    Jake: Yeah.
    Charlie: Then you look great.

& Charlie: What the hell is that cologne?
    Jake: Air freshener from the toilet. I figured I was spraying it anyway.

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