The Closet Reconfiguration

The Big Bang Theory 6×19

& Bernadette: What you doing?
    Howard: You said clean up. I’m cleaning up.
    Bernadette: You can’t just throw everything in the closet.
    Howard: Hey, you can tell me what to do or you can tell me how to do it, but you can’t do both; this isn’t sex.

& Howard: You know what we should do? We should show the closet to Sheldon.
    Bernadette: Why?
    Howard: Are you kidding? He’s like a savant at organizing. Everything in his apartment has a label on it. Including his label maker, which has a label that says “Label Maker.” And if you look really close at that label maker label... you’ll see a label that says “Label.”

& Bernadette: He’s our guest; we can’t just ask him to straighten our closet.
    Howard: No, we wouldn’t ask him. We’d just show him the closet and let the goblins in his head take it from there.

& Raj: These spring rolls are amazing. Good job, Bernadette!
    Bernadette: That’s the takeout that Sheldon brought.
    Raj: Oh, well, I’m sure they wouldn’t have tasted nearly as good if I hadn’t tried your food first.
    ...................

& Sheldon: Howard, did you want your clothes arranged seasonally or by color?
    Howard: Color’s fine.
    Sheldon: Wrong, they’ll be arranged seasonally.

& Sheldon: Howard, I have a few questions. I found three bowling pins. Now, do you juggle these, or are you missing seven?

---

& Howard: I just... couldn’t sleep.
    Bernadette: Told you you shouldn’t have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big, but it’s not worth it.

& Sheldon: What can I do for you ladies?
    Amy: You have something we want!
    Sheldon: Oh, dear... My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.

& Howard: Check out nine-year-old Howie with cornrows... Neither race was happy to see me with those.

& Sheldon: When you left, you weren’t sure whether or not you wanted to know what was in your dad’s letter, so we came up with kind of a cool solution.
    Howard: Oh, yeah, what’s that?
    Sheldon: It’s simple, really. It occurred to me that knowing and not knowing can be achieved by creating a macroscopic example of quantum superposition. The-the principle that a physical system exists partially in all its possible states at once.
    Penny: We were all thinking it, really. It was kind of the elephant in the room, so...

& Sheldon: I realize if we each present you with an account of what your father wrote to you, only one of which is true, and then we don’t tell you which one it is, you will forever be in a state of epistemic ambivalence.
    Penny: Yeah. And I said if it wasn’t epistemic, we might as well not do it.

& Penny: This turned out pretty well, huh?
    Leonard: I agree.
    Raj: That is, if you’ve never been to or heard of a party before.
    Amy: If you’d let me pierce your brain with a hot needle in the right place, you’d be happy all the time.

& Sheldon: Uh, Penny, I-I have a couple of questions about your closet. Is there any reason you’re keeping this dead goldfish?
    Penny: Damn, I forgot to feed him!.. And that I had him!
    Sheldon: Well, now, did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy.
    Penny: Party’s over! Party’s over!

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On the IMDb

++ Vanity Card # 411!