The Future Perfect

American Horror Story. Double Feature: Death Valley

10×10

Richard Nixon: We need to stop this goddamn war!
Valiant Thor: The war is performing a very important function.
Richard Nixon: It's destroying my presidency.
Henry Kissinger: I have to agree, Mr. Thor. I can't see what we're accomplishing.
Valiant Thor: When you were little and you needed to get a needle, sometimes the doctor would distract you. He would show you a toy and then while you were playing with it, he'd jab you. If people are focused on the war, they won't be thinking about all of the Americans going missing.

Valiant Thor: We all understood that the creation of an alien-human hybrid was a complex task requiring generations of experimentation.
Henry Kissinger: How much more time do you need?
Valiant Thor: We are projecting that the first functioning hybrid will be born in approximately... 2021.

Henry Kissinger: Mr. Thor, the Vietnam War will never last 50 years.
Valiant Thor: Of course it won't. Which is why we have a full menu of distractions prepared.
Richard Nixon: You think I'm gonna sacrifice my entire career for one of your little distractions?
Valiant Thor: Just consider this... Distractions can come in many forms.

Mamie Eisenhower: Thanks to me, Americans are celebrating birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and I am not going to stop there. I am going to bring back a holiday that everyone has forgotten.
Dwight 'Ike' Eisenhower: Huh. "Happy Ed".
Mamie Eisenhower: No, silly, Evacuation Day. Even you don't remember it. It's the day the British evacuated Boston, and they still celebrate it in Massachusetts. When I'm done with it, it'll be nationwide, Oh, I can see it. Evacuation Day parades across the country. It'll be like the Fourth of July.

Richard Nixon: You see, they wanted me in the White House, and now I know why. Not just because I was gonna play ball. No, no, that's not it. You see... I was to be the ringleader of the circus when the tent caught fire.

Richard Nixon: Now, this Valiant Thor, he has an office at Watergate and I... I want it bugged. I wanna hear everything that they've got planned. Every line on the goddamn calendar. Comprende?
Gordon Liddy: I won't let you down, sir.
Richard Nixon: You'll be the first.

Mamie Eisenhower: I know everything. But before I say anything, we're agreed you're never to mention my name? To you, I'm just... Deep Throat. .....
Valiant Thor: Deep throat? You're joking.
Mamie Eisenhower: Not at all. It's from that filthy movie. I figured it's the last name anyone would ever believe I'd take.
Mamie Eisenhower: I've had a good run. I've accomplished more than anyone could ever dream. I got the world to appreciate the color pink. I freed Americans to celebrate their birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and if there's still work to be done on Evacuation Day, I can take up that fight for another year or so. I'd like a quiet death. And then, as you promised... I want to live forever.

Mamie Eisenhower: Tell me, do you like fudge?

Jamie Howard: You were right, Kendall. I can't believe we traded the best parts of being human... our freedom, curiosity, our need to explore... all for microchip technology and the ability to send memes around the world.

Theta: It takes some getting used to. It's best not to think of it as a person and more as...
Mamie Eisenhower: Livestock.
Theta: I was going to say a machine. Wonderful piece of technology that's going to save the world.
Mamie Eisenhower: Humans are not machines. We are not technology to be used against our will! Who runs your world now, Mamie? The people or the machines?...

Mamie Eisenhower: What if we fought back?
Calico: Look, I am no mathematician, but I do know a little something about gambling. And you plus me versus them? That would be like a pair of deuces versus a royal flush and the royal flush has an army with guns.

Mamie Eisenhower: It's what needs to be done.
Calico: It's just a baby.
Mamie Eisenhower: Would you take the chance to kill Hitler if he were just a baby? Stalin? An immoral act becomes moral when it's done in the service of all humanity. This is what's right.

Calico: Why do you get to decide what's right?
Mamie Eisenhower: Because I'm Mamie goddamn Eisenhower!

Theta: My humanity is my greatest shame. I will not help those who have destroyed this planet and its natural resources. Humans are hypocrites. Even if we wanted to live side by side with you, we couldn't. Because you're too selfish to share. You won't even open your doors to your own kind in their moment of need. Why would we think you would welcome us? It's our turn now. Our people will restore balance. Create a new world.

Calico: She's right. About people. I have seen them at their worst, and I've need them at their best. And I think maybe it's time we step aside and give someone else a chance.

Theta: Oh. Another perfect specimen.

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