The Siege at Forli

The Borgias 2×7

& Rodrigo Borgia: So, now to our gift. Mmm. What have we here?.. Turds? You travel all the way to our ancestral homeland and back again to bring us turds?
    Juan: Smell them.
    Rodrigo Borgia: Why should we smell a turd?
    Juan: They are called cigarros. They are an exotic creation from the New World. I will happily demonstrate at your Holiness’s leisure.

& Rodrigo Borgia: So, we take a turd in our hand...
    Juan: Cigarro.
    Rodrigo Borgia: Yes, cigarro. Then what?
    Juan: You put it in your mouth.
    Rodrigo Borgia: What? All of it?

& Rodrigo Borgia: Ah! We are on fire!
    Juan: One more time...
    Rodrigo Borgia: What is this called?
    Juan: Smoking!
    Rodrigo Borgia: Smoking? Indeed, well, one is smoking.

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& Lucrezia: What is that in your mouth?
    Rodrigo Borgia: It’s a cigarro.
    Lucrezia: Hm. Not a turd?
    Rodrigo Borgia: No!
    Lucrezia: It smells like one.
Ω Exactly!

& Doctor: Your salvation may lie in this, uh, modest instrument. Allow me to demonstrate... This is inserted into the privy member. There will be pain. Once it is in place, I push on this gizmet, here... revealing the umbrella-like apparatus that does the work. The instrument is withdrawn and thus it will scrape clear the pus and discharge upon its exit. Are you ready?
    Juan: No.

& Micheletto: God’s children are knocking at the door.
    Machiavelli: God will follow later.
    Cesare: Would you care to answer?
    Micheletto: No. Would you?
    Cesare: No.
    Machiavelli: I hear no knocking.

& Rodrigo Borgia: Your indecision is a gift to our enemies. A folly! This could cost us our lives, our home, our all! You are marrying for all of us, Lucrezia, not just yourself. For family!

& Lucrezia: What more is to be said? Sell me to the highest bidder.

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