Neighbors

& Kelly: We’re gonna finish that.
    Mac: We will finish that.
    Kelly: FYI, we’re gonna do it in every room.
    Mac: And this time, I’m going to ejaculate.

& Kelly: Just because we have a house and a baby doesn’t mean that we’re old people.
    Mac: No. Fuck old people. Old people don’t fuck like we just did.
    Kelly: Baby, I nearly came.

& Mac: What’s nice about the house is that it looks like every penny we have is inside of it. So, at least it looks like it.
    Kelly: It’s legitimate, right?

& Kelly: So, how did you meet Teddy?
    Brooke: I saw him. He saw me.
    Kelly: .... Yeah. It’s a really romantic story.

& Mac: What do you got there, sweetie?.. Is that a balloon?.. Did you find a balloon?.... Oh, shit! That’s not a balloon!

& Mac: Their dicks bought a hot tub? My dick couldn’t buy a hot tub.
    Kelly: Hey. Your dick could buy more than a hot tub. Your dick bought me.
    Mac: Thank you very much.
    Kelly: I’m not a sizeist!

& Mac: Let’s do something crazy.
    Kelly: Why don’t I stick something up your ass?
    Mac: No, not tonight... Not tonight. Can I stick something up your ass?
    Kelly: No, I’m not that drunk.

& Kelly: Oh, my boobs. Oh, God. I gotta feed Stella. I’m more milk than woman.

& Mac: Oh, they’re hulking out! They’re gonna blow.
    Kelly: What is happening to me?
    Mac: Oh, gross! They look like my grandma’s legs. Okay, let me call my mom. She’ll tell us what to do right now.
    Kelly: Do not call your mother! Jesus! You Jews and your fucking mothers!

& Mac: What do I do?
    Kelly: Milk me.

---

& Kelly: Be a man and milk me!

& Pete: So, are we cool with what happened last night?
    Teddy: Bros before hos. Right?
    Pete: Yeah... Yeah, man.
    Teddy: Junk before trunk.
    Pete: All right, balls before dolls.
    Teddy: Compadres before I sleep with tu madres.
    Pete: Brad Pitt before grab clit.
    Teddy: Deez nuts before skinny sluts.
    Pete: Masturbate before I ask her to date.
    Teddy: Beef stew before watching the view.
    Pete: Male erection before one direction.
    Teddy: Mario and Luigi before Thelma & Louise-ee.
    Pete: Bert and Ernie before squirtin’ spermy.
    Teddy: Man purses before regular purses.
    Pete: Makes sense. Okay. Sports before genital warts... No, fuckin’. That’s bad.
    Teddy: That was a little weird.
    Pete: I’m fading a little bit.
    Teddy: John Madden before...
    Pete: Jasmine from Aladdin!
    Teddy: Jasmine from Aladdin!

& Mac: Why would they just break in and steal the airbags?
    Kelly: I don’t know. We should file a police report...
    Mac: What the fuck? ... Oh, shit! ... Found the airbags! There’s three left! ... Fuck! ... Two left!
Ω That’s it!

& Mac: We made a baby. Things have changed. Everything has changed.
    Kelly: Part of our life is just totally over.
    Mac: Yeah.
    Kelly: Just gone.
    Mac: Yeah.
    Kelly: It’s never coming back.
    Mac: No.
    Kelly: We’ll never not be responsible for someone until we’re so, so old.
    Mac: I think I like old people shit better than young people shit now.
    Kelly: I love brunch.
    Mac: Oh, yes!
    Kelly: And I get really excited when I smell freshly ground coffee.
    Mac: Me, too, because it’s awesome.
    Kelly: Like, way too excited.
    Mac: I want a tomato garden. How’s that?
    Kelly: I love going to the container store and buying containers.
    Mac: Me, too.....

& Mac: Do you think we’ll be good parents?
    Kelly: I think we’ll be good at it and bad at it.

& Kelly: This is gonna be the best calendar yet...
    Mac: All right. Let’s do it. Who’s my little Heisenberg? You are! She’s a little meth head.
    Kelly: No, she just makes it.
    Mac: Oh...

& Kelly: I feel completely comfortable missing that party.

>> Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

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