I Changed My Mind About the Milk

Two and a Half Men 10×1

& Alan: What are you giving her?
    Walden: The rest of my life.
    Alan: Beg your pardon?
    Walden: I’m gonna ask her to marry me.
    Alan: Are you serious?!
    Walden: Absolutely.
    Alan: Wow. Wow. That’s, uh... Um...
    Berta: What he’s trying to say is: Once you’re married, where’s he gonna live?

& Berta: If I looked like him, I wouldn’t take myself off the market.
    Alan: Is that so?
    Berta: Oh, yeah. I’d be out there every night wearing my penis down to a nub. It’d look like a golf pencil.
    Alan: Hey, a golf pencil does a lot of scoring, lady.

& Walden: Zoey Hyde-Tottingham-Pierce. Will you do me the honor of becoming... Zoey Hyde-Tottingham-Pierce-Schmidt?

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& Berta: Oh, my stars! Michael Bolton. I have a vibrator named after you.

& Walden: Saying yes to someone who loves you more than life itself... is not complicated.
    Zoey: Fine. Do you really want to know?
    Walden: I really wanna know.
    Alan: Oh, hang on, hang on. Okay, okay. This is an example of what I was talking about. When a woman says, “Do you really want to know?”, you think you want to know, but trust me, you don’t.

& Alan: So listen, um... would we be, uh, having sex like guys do?
    Walden: Oh, I would. You’d be having sex more like a woman does.
    Alan: Hmm.
    Walden: Problem?
    Alan: No, I’m open to it.

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