14 сент. 2014 г.

Blended

& Tyler: ♪ This t-shirt’s on fire! ♪
    Lauren: Why is he singing that?

& Jim: I haven’t been on a date in 20 years.
    Lauren: I haven’t been on a date since senior year.
Ω ?!?!

& Lauren: You know... I’m curious. With so many possible reasons, which one’s the one your wife left you for?

& Jen: Try this on. This dress can change a woman from the kind a man cheats on to the kind a man cheats with.

& Jim: Do you have any other children, or just the masturbator?

& Lauren: Whoa. Are these for your daughter?
    Jim: Yeah. She’s 15, and her «friend» just paid a visit.
    Lauren: Okay. Well, these are for a much older «friend.» A much heavier «friend» staying in a much bigger «room» than your daughter has.
    Jim: You lost me... You found me. Oh.

& Lauren: Wait. How do you know where I live?
    Jim: I googled you and «closet queens» came up. You’re a lesbian?
    Lauren: No. We organize «closets.» And we’re the best, so we’re «queens.» «Closet queens.»
    Jim: Maybe the picture was confusing me...

& Jim: Mfana. Will you do us a favor? Just leave us alone for just two secs.
    Mfana: Kulungile, which means «of course.»

& Mfana: Here is where you make more theopotamuses.

& Brendan: What part of «not dating» does this bed fit into?


& Nickens: I would like to welcome you to our fourth annual blended familymoon week! Yebo!
    Hilary: What’s a blended family?
    Jim: I don’t know. It sounds painful, though.

& Mfana: Mr. Bellyflopolis, the crocodiles are fake!
    Jim: They’re fake?! Why would you make them look so realistic?!
    Mfana: Well, to scare the baboons away.
    Jim: You just scared a zebra stripe into my underwear!

& Espn: Mom’s sleeping there.
    Jim: Okay, can I sleep with her?
    Espn: No, you’ll crush her.
    Jim: No, I just... I could get in with her and spoon with her. It would be nice.
    Espn: I don’t wanna see that.

& Jim: Lou, will you wake up with daddy, please?
    Lou: In the name of Lucifer, let us sleep.

& Lou: He’s a good daddy. He just doesn’t have a bagina.

& Eddy: Emotional. Time passing. Changes.
    Jim: It’s... it’s... it’s hard.
    Eddy: You gotta let it go. Turning the page. Movin’ on.
    Jim: She was a little kid just a...
    Eddy: Processing it. Accepting it. The circle of life. Painful, though.
    Jim: It hurts, right?
    Eddy: Nah. Not for me. I got a boy. But you’re in the shithouse.
    Jim: Thanks.

& Jim: Spread ’em! Spread the legs!
    Lou: Her bagina!

& Tyler: Yes! Did you see that?! I killed it!
    Jim: Let’s do it a hundred more times.

& Mfana: The song. He took the word «splendid» and replaced it with «blended.» So clever. It rhymes!
    Jim: But the real word is «splendored.» So wouldn’t it be «blendored»?

& Mfana: Izithandane ziyafuna ukuba munye Mfana ngomoya nagemiza. «Lovers long for the moment their souls may blend in a whisper.» Mm. May this be your moment.
    Jim: Did you eat pork chops with... tuna fish today at lunch?
    Mfana: Yes, I did.
    Jim: I can tell.
    Mfana: Apologies. I will brush my teeth presently, Mr. Lollipopolis.
    Jim: I’d brush ’em twice.

--
On the IMDb

+ Soundtrack

Σ They could act better. They could!

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