Warning, It's Dirty

Two and a Half Men 7×11

& Jake: Do I look okay?
    Charlie: Jake, she waved at you. She smiled. Clearly, her standards aren’t that high.
    Jake: Right. Thanks.

& Charlie: Hey, Berta. Merry Christmas.
    Berta: Thank you, Charlie. You’re very generous.
    Charlie: Well, I just want you to know... that I appreciate your hard work.
    Berta: And I appreciate you pretending I work hard.

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& Jake: There she is again. What do I do?
    Charlie: Just text her back, “Thinking of you,” which you are, so you’re not lying.
    Jake: That’s good.
    Alan: This may be your house... but this is my son.
    Charlie: You’ve been living here seven years... which makes us a common-law couple, which makes him our son.
    Marty: Homos with a kid! A great idea for a sitcom.
    Jake: It worked! She wrote back, “Merry Christmas. I miz you.”
    Charlie: Then write back, “I miz you too.” Man, you are good... Look at that. Our little boy is growing up. How would you feel about us having another child?

& Evelyn: Forty years ago, you asked for a little brother for Christmas. Happy?

& Marty: Would you like a lick?
    Berta: Not of that.

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