& Charles: Holy Moses!
Jean: What’s the matter?
Charles: That perfume.
Jean: What’s the matter with it?
Charles: It’s just that I’ve been up the Amazon for a year, and they don’t use perfume.
& Jean: I thought you were in the beer business...
Charles: Beer? Ale!
Jean: What’s the difference?
Charles: Between beer and ale?
Jean: Yes.
Charles: My father’d burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There’s a big difference. Ale’s sort of fermented on the top or something. And beer’s fermented on the bottom. Or maybe it’s the other way around. There’s no similarity at all.
& Charles: The trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he “brewed-ed” or whatever you call it, you’re supposed to know all about something you don’t give a hoot about.
& Charles: You see, I don’t like beer. Bock beer, lager beer or steam beer.
Jean: Don’t you?
Charles: I do not! And I don’t like pale ale, brown ale, nut brown ale, porter or stout, which makes me “ulp” just to think about it. Ulp! Excuse me.
& ’Colonel’ Harrington: Three brandies... Washington and Valley Forge!
Charles: Dewey and Manila.
Jean: Napoleon and Josephine!
& Jean: Are you always going to be interested in snakes?
Charles: Well, snakes are my life in a way.
Jean: What a life...
& Jean: You have a right to have an ideal.
Charles: Oh, I guess we all have one. What does yours look like?
Jean: He’s a little short guy with lots of money.
Charles: Why short?
Jean: What does it matter if he’s rich? It’s so he’ll look up to me, so I’ll be his ideal.
Charles: That’s a funny kind of reasoning.
Jean: Well, look who’s reasoning.
& Jean: And when he takes me out to dinner, he’ll never add up the check. And he won’t smoke greasy cigars or use grease on his hair, and... Oh, yes, he won’t do card tricks.
Charles: Oh!
Jean: Oh, it’s not that I mind your doing card tricks, Hopsie. It’s just that you naturally wouldn’t want your ideal to do card tricks.
Charles: I shouldn’t think that kind of ideal was so difficult to find.
Jean: Oh, he isn’t. That’s why he’s my ideal.
& Jean: What’s the sense of having one if you can’t ever find him? Mine is a practical ideal... you can find two or three of in every barber shop getting the works.
Charles: Why don’t you marry one of them?
Jean: Why should I marry anybody that looked like that? When I marry, it’s going to be somebody I’ve never seen before. I won’t know what he looks like or where he’ll come from or what he’ll be. I want him to sort of take me by surprise.
Charles: Like a burglar.
Jean: That’s right.
& Jean: Ohhh! You better go to bed, Hopsie. I think I can sleep peacefully now.
Charles: I wish I could say the same.
Jean: Why, Hopsie!
& Waiter: Fruit, cereal, bacon and eggs, eggs and sausage, sausage and hot cakes, hot cakes and ham, ham and eggs, eggs and bacon, bacon and...
Muggsy: Give me a spoonful of milk, a raw pigeon’s egg and four houseflies. If you can’t catch any, I’ll settle for a cockroach. I’ll be on deck.
& Muggsy: You the purser?
Purser: Yes. What is it, please?
Muggsy: I want to ask you a “hypothermical” question.
Purser: Maybe that would be better to ask the doctor.
Muggsy: Never mind the wisecracks.
& Pearlie: My dear girl, you have to be English.
Jean: I’ve been English before. I shall be as English as necessary.
& Jean: I’ve got some unfinished business with him. I need him like the ax needs the turkey!
& Jean: Do you know why he didn’t recognize me?.. I hardly recognized him myself. He seemed shorter and bonier. It’s because we don’t love each other anymore. You see, on the boat we had an awful yen for each other, so I saw him as very tall and very handsome. He probably thought I had big melting eyes and a rosebud mouth... and a figure like Miss Long Beach, the dream of the fleet.
& Charles: The union of two people for life... that is, marriage... shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Jean: How wise you are!
Charles: Men are more careful in choosing a tailor than they are in choosing a wife.
Jean: That’s probably why they look so funny.
& Jean: I wonder if now would be the time to tell you about Herman...
Charles: Herman. Herman? Who was Herman?! ... Vernon? I thought you said Herman!
Jean: Vernon was Herman’s friend.
Charles: What a friend! .... Cecil?
Jean: It’s pronounced “Ceh-cil.” .... What did you say, dear?
Charles: “How do you mean Hubert or Herbert?”
Jean: They were John’s twin cousins.
Charles: John! Who was John?
& Jean: Will you forgive me?
Charles: For what? Oh, you mean on the boat. The question is, can you forgive me?
Jean: What for? Oh, you still don’t understand...
Charles: I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to know. Whatever it is, keep it to yourself. All I know is, I adore you. I’ll never leave you again. We’ll work it out somehow. There’s just one thing... I feel it’s only fair to tell you. It would never have happened except she looked like you.
& Charles: I have no right to be in your cabin!
Jean: Why?
Charles: Because I’m married.
Jean: But so am I, darling. So am I.
& Muggsy: Positively the same dame!
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
Σ Nice and pretty.
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