& Daniel: I’m strong! I’m big! I’m hot!
& Daniel: My name is Daniel Lugo. And I believe in fitness.
& “ED”: The events you are about to see took place in Miami, Florida, between October 1994 and June ’95. Unfortunately, this is a true story.
& Daniel: We all start out equal, little blobs of blood and muscle. It’s a setup of awesome potential. Most people never develop that potential. I knew early on I was not most people. Because if you’re willing to do the work, you can have anything. That’s what makes the US of A great. When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it’s the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet.
& Daniel: The way to prove yourself is to better yourself. That’s the American dream. I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It’s sickening. It’s worse than sickening. It’s unpatriotic.
& Victor: Arnold-fucking-Schwarzenegger, am I right? I was never a big fitness guy. I know it’s important, but you know what I really don’t like about weights?
Daniel: What’s that?
Victor: They’re so heavy!
& Victor: I’m a self-made man, Dennis. And my self is not ashamed to say it’s made a lot of money.
Daniel: Maybe your self ought to spend some of it on a salad.
Victor: You know who invented salad? Poor people.
& Daniel: You set high goals for yourself and nail every one. But the hardest thing about changing yourself is changing how other people see you.
& Daniel: Michael Corleone didn’t become the Godfather by folding towels. He did it by keeping a gun behind the toilet and knowing what he wants. And I know it might sound strange, I just want a big fat lawn that I can mow until the sun goes down.
& Johnny Wu: I was like you. You work hard. You do what you’re told. And what does life serve you? A shame sandwich with a side order of shit! You deserve better! Every person in America is either a do-er, or a don’t-er. A do-er or a don’t-er. And if I can get you to learn one thing today, one take-home point, it would be this. Don’t be a don’t-er. Do be a do-er.
& Johnny Wu: Well, it’s simple. I don’t know why God gave us 10 fingers, because we’s only gonna need three. Get a goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!
& Paul: Know why habit rhymes with rabbit? ’Cause your whole life disappears down a bunny hole, while you grow long sensitive ears to better hear the sound of sirens coming for you.
& Paul: You know, the Son of God knew how to just say no. I guess you could say He’s my role model.
& Daniel: Do you know what fear is?
Paul: False Evidence Appearing Real?
& Daniel: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt, right? Physically hurt? No, man! This is a straight-up kidnapping, that’s all! It’s like a snatch-and-grab. Very simple. We snatch him, we grab him, he signs a few signatures, we give him a protein shake and we show him the door. He doesn’t even know what happened!
Ω Right.
& Paul: I think I can help you.
Victor: That would be great! That would be great. How? I mean, how so?
Paul: Victor, do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
& Paul: Damn it! Why’d you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities!
& Paul: Jesus Christ Himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
& Sorina Luminita: Danny tells me I’m with you now. We work together, we play together. For king and country.
Paul: Playing together sounds good.
Sorina: Very good.
Paul: I still have no idea what you’re talking about right now.
Sorina: Oh, it’s okay. I know who you are.
Paul: Well, you should, ’cause we’ve met. Tell me about the playing again?
& Victor: No, this wasn’t heaven. I wasn’t transported to some celestial space given my newfound bullshit Christianity. This isn’t that kind of story. But you know how I knew these monkeys were rank fucking amateurs? Because I was still alive. You can beat me, rob me, hang me like dry cleaning, burn my fucking hair off, but don’t tell me you’re taking me to the airport when really you’re going to kill me. And if you are going to kill me, you damn well better do it!
& Victor: Oh, funny thing, when a man’s blindfolded, electro-shocked, beaten with sex toys, and hung like dry cleaning, he tends to sign just about anything.
& Carolyn: Your back? This is from your trip to the gym, isn’t it?
Ed DuBois: No, I just want to lie here and think about the case.
& Mese: Victor, I feel horrible about this, okay? Let me swing by there and make it right. What’s your address?
Victor: You got a pencil? I’m at 143 Fuck You Avenue on the corner of Blow Me and Die.
& Mese: What do we do now?
Daniel: Star 69 him.
Mese: You want me to have sex with him?
Daniel: Press the star key, press the six and press the nine!
Motel clerk: Seven Seas Motel.
Mese: How did you do that?!
& Carolyn: So Mr. Kershaw called. He said, “This is how you protect me, you pussy son of a bitch? Fucking thugs come to murder me and where the fuck are you?” And then he left an address.
& Daniel: Okay, this is now a salvage op! Let’s go!
Paul: What does that even mean?
Daniel: It means I’m getting that car and stuff in the safe.
& Paul: In AA, they teach you to sit with your feelings. Look under the bed and see for yourself that there’s no monster under there. But the problem is, sometimes the monster is there. And sometimes, you’ve just got to fucking run.
& Daniel: Son of a bitch.
& THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY.
& Daniel: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you got to chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
& “ED”: They say truth is stranger than fiction. And no one tells the truth like a pissed-off wife.
& Robin: Well, I’ve been working in the penis industry for 19 months. I think he lifted weights to try to compensate for the fact that he had a very tiny penis. It was bent on a 25 degree angle, like a boomerang. You see, erectile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about but being an unfaithful lying shit who I know for a fact tried to finger bang his paralegal in the interview room, that’s a little shamey. But being in the medical profession, I prefer not to judge. But that lady’s a whore.
& Carolyn: You know? Some people just don’t know a good thing when it’s staring them in the face.
& “ED”. It really is the simple things in life. Daniel just wanted to be like everyone. Everyone that wants the American dream.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack
& Daniel: My name is Daniel Lugo. And I believe in fitness.
& “ED”: The events you are about to see took place in Miami, Florida, between October 1994 and June ’95. Unfortunately, this is a true story.
& Daniel: We all start out equal, little blobs of blood and muscle. It’s a setup of awesome potential. Most people never develop that potential. I knew early on I was not most people. Because if you’re willing to do the work, you can have anything. That’s what makes the US of A great. When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it’s the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet.
& Daniel: The way to prove yourself is to better yourself. That’s the American dream. I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It’s sickening. It’s worse than sickening. It’s unpatriotic.
& Victor: Arnold-fucking-Schwarzenegger, am I right? I was never a big fitness guy. I know it’s important, but you know what I really don’t like about weights?
Daniel: What’s that?
Victor: They’re so heavy!
& Victor: I’m a self-made man, Dennis. And my self is not ashamed to say it’s made a lot of money.
Daniel: Maybe your self ought to spend some of it on a salad.
Victor: You know who invented salad? Poor people.
& Daniel: You set high goals for yourself and nail every one. But the hardest thing about changing yourself is changing how other people see you.
& Daniel: Michael Corleone didn’t become the Godfather by folding towels. He did it by keeping a gun behind the toilet and knowing what he wants. And I know it might sound strange, I just want a big fat lawn that I can mow until the sun goes down.
& Johnny Wu: I was like you. You work hard. You do what you’re told. And what does life serve you? A shame sandwich with a side order of shit! You deserve better! Every person in America is either a do-er, or a don’t-er. A do-er or a don’t-er. And if I can get you to learn one thing today, one take-home point, it would be this. Don’t be a don’t-er. Do be a do-er.
& Johnny Wu: Well, it’s simple. I don’t know why God gave us 10 fingers, because we’s only gonna need three. Get a goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!
& Paul: Know why habit rhymes with rabbit? ’Cause your whole life disappears down a bunny hole, while you grow long sensitive ears to better hear the sound of sirens coming for you.
& Paul: You know, the Son of God knew how to just say no. I guess you could say He’s my role model.
& Daniel: Do you know what fear is?
Paul: False Evidence Appearing Real?
& Daniel: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt, right? Physically hurt? No, man! This is a straight-up kidnapping, that’s all! It’s like a snatch-and-grab. Very simple. We snatch him, we grab him, he signs a few signatures, we give him a protein shake and we show him the door. He doesn’t even know what happened!
Ω Right.
& Paul: I think I can help you.
Victor: That would be great! That would be great. How? I mean, how so?
Paul: Victor, do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
& Paul: Damn it! Why’d you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities!
& Paul: Jesus Christ Himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
& Sorina Luminita: Danny tells me I’m with you now. We work together, we play together. For king and country.
Paul: Playing together sounds good.
Sorina: Very good.
Paul: I still have no idea what you’re talking about right now.
Sorina: Oh, it’s okay. I know who you are.
Paul: Well, you should, ’cause we’ve met. Tell me about the playing again?
& Victor: No, this wasn’t heaven. I wasn’t transported to some celestial space given my newfound bullshit Christianity. This isn’t that kind of story. But you know how I knew these monkeys were rank fucking amateurs? Because I was still alive. You can beat me, rob me, hang me like dry cleaning, burn my fucking hair off, but don’t tell me you’re taking me to the airport when really you’re going to kill me. And if you are going to kill me, you damn well better do it!
& Victor: Oh, funny thing, when a man’s blindfolded, electro-shocked, beaten with sex toys, and hung like dry cleaning, he tends to sign just about anything.
& Carolyn: Your back? This is from your trip to the gym, isn’t it?
Ed DuBois: No, I just want to lie here and think about the case.
& Mese: Victor, I feel horrible about this, okay? Let me swing by there and make it right. What’s your address?
Victor: You got a pencil? I’m at 143 Fuck You Avenue on the corner of Blow Me and Die.
& Mese: What do we do now?
Daniel: Star 69 him.
Mese: You want me to have sex with him?
Daniel: Press the star key, press the six and press the nine!
Motel clerk: Seven Seas Motel.
Mese: How did you do that?!
& Carolyn: So Mr. Kershaw called. He said, “This is how you protect me, you pussy son of a bitch? Fucking thugs come to murder me and where the fuck are you?” And then he left an address.
& Daniel: Okay, this is now a salvage op! Let’s go!
Paul: What does that even mean?
Daniel: It means I’m getting that car and stuff in the safe.
& Paul: In AA, they teach you to sit with your feelings. Look under the bed and see for yourself that there’s no monster under there. But the problem is, sometimes the monster is there. And sometimes, you’ve just got to fucking run.
& Daniel: Son of a bitch.
& THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY.
& Daniel: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you got to chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
& “ED”: They say truth is stranger than fiction. And no one tells the truth like a pissed-off wife.
& Robin: Well, I’ve been working in the penis industry for 19 months. I think he lifted weights to try to compensate for the fact that he had a very tiny penis. It was bent on a 25 degree angle, like a boomerang. You see, erectile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about but being an unfaithful lying shit who I know for a fact tried to finger bang his paralegal in the interview room, that’s a little shamey. But being in the medical profession, I prefer not to judge. But that lady’s a whore.
& Carolyn: You know? Some people just don’t know a good thing when it’s staring them in the face.
& “ED”. It really is the simple things in life. Daniel just wanted to be like everyone. Everyone that wants the American dream.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack
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