& Jenko (by Channing Tatum): Are you ready for a lifetime of being absolutely badass motherfuckers?
Schmidt (by Jonah Hill): Oh, I am.
& DC Hardy: One of these programs.. involves the use of young, immature-seeming officers.
Jenko: So, you’re saying, that you’re gonna send us into like a, child-sex-slavery thing or something?
Schmidt: Sir, if I have to suck someone’s dick... I will. But I prefer not to.
& Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple lady killers... But I promise you, we’ll be super professional on the job.
Captain Dickson: Clearly, I wasn’t talkin’ to you, big titties! You cherub-lookin’ motherfucker! I was talkin’ to your partner over here... fake-ass handsome with gig. When I’m talkin’ to him, I’m talkin’ to him, and when I say “shut the fuck up!”, I’m talkin’ to you!
& Schmidt: Hey, Korean Jesus... I don’t know if You only cater to Koreans, Christians, or... if You even exist, no offense. I just... really freak out. I’m going back to High School. It was just so fuckin’ hard the first time... I know we don’t made our first arrest, maybe I’m not the best cop, Korean Jesus, just make sure You don’t fuck this up. Sorry for swearing so much. THE END?.. I don’t really know how to end the prayer. “The End”?
Captain Dickson: Hey! Hey! Stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain’t got time for your problems, He’s busy with Korean shit!
& Schmidt: What makes you the expert?
Jenko: I was cool in High School, you aware?
Schmidt: Okay, that makes sense, continue.
Jenko: The three keys of coolness in High School... by Jenko: One, don’t try hard at anything. Two, make fun of people who do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.
& Sanders: You punch me because I’m gay?
Jenko: No! I... I didn’t punch him because he’s gay... I punched him, and he’s happened to turn out to be gay afterward.
Sanders: How dare you punch me!
Schmidt: In a weird way, it might have been homophobic not to punch you, just because you’re a gay.
Jenko: Right. ...
Principal Dadier: You punch a little gay black kid in the face?
& Principal Dadier: Which one of you is Doug? ... Let’s do that again, and pretend you guys are not weird. Which one of you is named Doug?
& Schmidt: Liking comic books is popular?.. Environmental awareness? Being tolerant? How was that for 10 years later, I would’ve been the coolest person ever!
Jenko: I know. It’s bullshit. You know what? I told you on the cause... Glee. Fuck you, Glee!
& Jenko: We have a pound of coke.
Schmidt: I’m trying to show a good time, not ruining their fucking life.
Jenko: A pound of marijuana?
Schmidt: Best party ever!
& Schmidt: Oh shit! When did I get stabbed?.. It’s awesome!
& Jenko: Is that it? You’re not gonna scream at us?
& Zack: Are you... you know what happened with the handsome guy like me in jail? It rhymes with “grape!”
& Schmidt: Let’s get ready for prom.
& Schmidt: Jenko... Will you go to prom with me?
& Molly (by Brie Larson): You lied to me! I’ gonna kill you! You’re a dammit fucking COP!
Schmidt: Hey you guys, she just called me “stupid fucking COCK.” It’s rude.
Molly: Dick head NARC, motherfucker!
Jenko: Did she just said, “nick head DARK motherfucker”? That was just racist.
& Tom Hanson (by Depp himself!): You boys are stupid!
Schmidt: Oh my God, we’re gonna die...
Tom Hanson: Goddammit! Tom Hansen, DEA! On your knees!
& Tom Hanson: You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate the gang like this? You see this nose? That is fake nose. You wanna wear a fake nose in your fuckin’ head, for like months run in... glue and shit?
Schmidt: Worst thing in the world!
& Tom Hanson: I know sometimes I was jerky. When we were undercover, I just, I don’t feel good about myself. All the stuff I wore, the bracelets, rings, the tight pants... It was just, so, that people would think I’m cool. The only approval, that I ever need it... was my best friend.
& Jenko: We gotta get out of here, man.
Schmidt: You’re telling me, you’re tired?
Jenko: Let’s do this!
Schmidt: Let’s make a baby!
Jenko: What?! What are you talking about?
Schmidt: I don’t know. That’s not cop’s sign.
& Mr. Walters: God, I love high school. Best prom ever!
& Jenko: No, stop! I’m not fuckin’ play. What you’re trying is stupid, would you stop! Just 2 seconds. You’re really hot, and your body’s awesome, but I got to shoot people right now!
& Jenko: Pop-Quiznos: What do you get... when lithium batteries react with potassium nitrate? That would be a covalent bond, brother. That when 2 atoms, they share electrons. You see, they both need what the other one had. That makes them stick together.
Schmidt: Are you saying, we’re the covalent bond?
Jenko: What? No! We’re not atoms, dude.
& Schmidt: Where did you learn how to do that, man?
Jenko: AP Chemistry, bitch.
& Schmidt: You pitting high school, motherfucker! ... Oh shit! I shot him in the dick.
Mr. Walters: You shot me in the dick!
Schmidt: Yes! Yes! Yes!
& Molly: Thank you for saving my life, ass-hole.
& Schmidt: We’re like in the end of Die Hard right now, but it’s in our actual life. That’s crazy.
Jenko: Number 1 or 2?
Schmidt: Three.
Jenko: Samuel Jackson dies, yeah!
& Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys... love to join booth, smoke weed wickee and fuck anything with the big ass and jeans... with a low self-esteem, I’m assign you to a place, where all that shit, is allowed.
Jenko: Oh, I love Disney Land!
Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches, are goin’ to college.
Schmidt: Yes!
Jenko: No!
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
Σ It seemed what more could be done on those topics — underachieving cops, high-school prom with school's queen, prime & lo... Turned out that it's possible.
Jonah Hill (who lost weight since the last time we saw him, BTW), Channing Tatum & Brie Larson 're our everything.
Schmidt (by Jonah Hill): Oh, I am.
& DC Hardy: One of these programs.. involves the use of young, immature-seeming officers.
Jenko: So, you’re saying, that you’re gonna send us into like a, child-sex-slavery thing or something?
Schmidt: Sir, if I have to suck someone’s dick... I will. But I prefer not to.
& Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple lady killers... But I promise you, we’ll be super professional on the job.
Captain Dickson: Clearly, I wasn’t talkin’ to you, big titties! You cherub-lookin’ motherfucker! I was talkin’ to your partner over here... fake-ass handsome with gig. When I’m talkin’ to him, I’m talkin’ to him, and when I say “shut the fuck up!”, I’m talkin’ to you!
& Schmidt: Hey, Korean Jesus... I don’t know if You only cater to Koreans, Christians, or... if You even exist, no offense. I just... really freak out. I’m going back to High School. It was just so fuckin’ hard the first time... I know we don’t made our first arrest, maybe I’m not the best cop, Korean Jesus, just make sure You don’t fuck this up. Sorry for swearing so much. THE END?.. I don’t really know how to end the prayer. “The End”?
Captain Dickson: Hey! Hey! Stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain’t got time for your problems, He’s busy with Korean shit!
& Schmidt: What makes you the expert?
Jenko: I was cool in High School, you aware?
Schmidt: Okay, that makes sense, continue.
Jenko: The three keys of coolness in High School... by Jenko: One, don’t try hard at anything. Two, make fun of people who do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.
& Sanders: You punch me because I’m gay?
Jenko: No! I... I didn’t punch him because he’s gay... I punched him, and he’s happened to turn out to be gay afterward.
Sanders: How dare you punch me!
Schmidt: In a weird way, it might have been homophobic not to punch you, just because you’re a gay.
Jenko: Right. ...
Principal Dadier: You punch a little gay black kid in the face?
& Principal Dadier: Which one of you is Doug? ... Let’s do that again, and pretend you guys are not weird. Which one of you is named Doug?
& Schmidt: Liking comic books is popular?.. Environmental awareness? Being tolerant? How was that for 10 years later, I would’ve been the coolest person ever!
Jenko: I know. It’s bullshit. You know what? I told you on the cause... Glee. Fuck you, Glee!
& Jenko: We have a pound of coke.
Schmidt: I’m trying to show a good time, not ruining their fucking life.
Jenko: A pound of marijuana?
Schmidt: Best party ever!
& Schmidt: Oh shit! When did I get stabbed?.. It’s awesome!
& Jenko: Is that it? You’re not gonna scream at us?
& Zack: Are you... you know what happened with the handsome guy like me in jail? It rhymes with “grape!”
& Schmidt: Let’s get ready for prom.
& Schmidt: Jenko... Will you go to prom with me?
& Molly (by Brie Larson): You lied to me! I’ gonna kill you! You’re a dammit fucking COP!
Schmidt: Hey you guys, she just called me “stupid fucking COCK.” It’s rude.
Molly: Dick head NARC, motherfucker!
Jenko: Did she just said, “nick head DARK motherfucker”? That was just racist.
& Tom Hanson (by Depp himself!): You boys are stupid!
Schmidt: Oh my God, we’re gonna die...
Tom Hanson: Goddammit! Tom Hansen, DEA! On your knees!
& Tom Hanson: You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate the gang like this? You see this nose? That is fake nose. You wanna wear a fake nose in your fuckin’ head, for like months run in... glue and shit?
Schmidt: Worst thing in the world!
& Tom Hanson: I know sometimes I was jerky. When we were undercover, I just, I don’t feel good about myself. All the stuff I wore, the bracelets, rings, the tight pants... It was just, so, that people would think I’m cool. The only approval, that I ever need it... was my best friend.
& Jenko: We gotta get out of here, man.
Schmidt: You’re telling me, you’re tired?
Jenko: Let’s do this!
Schmidt: Let’s make a baby!
Jenko: What?! What are you talking about?
Schmidt: I don’t know. That’s not cop’s sign.
& Mr. Walters: God, I love high school. Best prom ever!
& Jenko: No, stop! I’m not fuckin’ play. What you’re trying is stupid, would you stop! Just 2 seconds. You’re really hot, and your body’s awesome, but I got to shoot people right now!
& Jenko: Pop-Quiznos: What do you get... when lithium batteries react with potassium nitrate? That would be a covalent bond, brother. That when 2 atoms, they share electrons. You see, they both need what the other one had. That makes them stick together.
Schmidt: Are you saying, we’re the covalent bond?
Jenko: What? No! We’re not atoms, dude.
& Schmidt: Where did you learn how to do that, man?
Jenko: AP Chemistry, bitch.
& Schmidt: You pitting high school, motherfucker! ... Oh shit! I shot him in the dick.
Mr. Walters: You shot me in the dick!
Schmidt: Yes! Yes! Yes!
& Molly: Thank you for saving my life, ass-hole.
& Schmidt: We’re like in the end of Die Hard right now, but it’s in our actual life. That’s crazy.
Jenko: Number 1 or 2?
Schmidt: Three.
Jenko: Samuel Jackson dies, yeah!
& Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys... love to join booth, smoke weed wickee and fuck anything with the big ass and jeans... with a low self-esteem, I’m assign you to a place, where all that shit, is allowed.
Jenko: Oh, I love Disney Land!
Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches, are goin’ to college.
Schmidt: Yes!
Jenko: No!
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
Σ It seemed what more could be done on those topics — underachieving cops, high-school prom with school's queen, prime & lo... Turned out that it's possible.
Jonah Hill (who lost weight since the last time we saw him, BTW), Channing Tatum & Brie Larson 're our everything.
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