1 июн. 2012 г.

Two and a Half Men 3x22

Just Once with Aunt Sophie

& Alan: So, what’s going on in school?
    Jake: Nothing.
    Alan: ... Nothing? You just sit there all day and stare at the wall?
    Jake: That’s where the clock is.
    Alan: I got it... Well, I find it hard to believe that you just watch the clock all day.
    Jake: Have you seen my report card?

& Alan: I hope he’s not setting himself up for disappointment...
    Charlie: Hey, you know what they say. A man’s reach must exceed his grasp, or what’s a penis for?
    Alan: Who says that?
    Charlie: Okay, I might be paraphrasing.

& Jake: She wasn’t gonna invite me. Danny Palmer told Amy Sherlack I didn’t like her. But I told Peter Calahan to tell Ellen Meisner that I kind of did.
    Alan: I see.
    Charlie: You do?! He lost me at Amy Sherlack.


& Charlie: So this is your first party with girls, huh?
    Jake: Maybe.
    Charlie: Maybe? You’re not sure? You got some cross-dressers in sixth grade? Playing a little pin the tail on the tranny?
    Jake: Shut up.

& Jake: Hey, can I get leather pants?
    Charlie: No.
    Alan: No.
    Jake: Why not?
    Charlie: Because you need something that lets the farts out.

& Alan: I believe childhood should be a time of innocence.
    Charlie: I agree. Childhood should be a time of innocence. And Bambi’s mother shouldn’t die. Lap dances should be complimentary after the fifth cocktail. But that’s not the world we live in. This party tonight is the initial round... in a lifelong process of sexual elimination.
    Alan: Oh, really?
    Charlie: Think of it as musical chairs. But when the music stops, the guys who have a clue... are sitting on a woman instead of a chair. The guys who have no clue, they’ll spend their teenage years... Well, I certainly don’t need to tell Dungeon Master Alan.

& Alan: Dad was gone, there was no one to teach me. You know how I found out about French kissing? Mom sliced a plum in half and stuck her tongue in it.
    Charlie: You could have taken that secret to the grave.
    Alan: And that’s not all she showed me. To this day, I can’t eat plums, dried apricots or bananas...

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

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