Misfits 2x1

Episode #2.1

I see the rifles coming over the hill
And if you shout maybe they stop and won't kill...
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Rifles:

& Nathan: Ha-ha! You should see the looks on your faces. Classic! Hey, guess what? I'm immortal! Can you believe this shit? I told you I had a power. Oh! Looks like they saved the best for last, huh? Immortality. That's off the A list.


& Kelly: So if you're not dead, how come you smell so bad?
    Nathan: I appear to have shat myself.
    Kelly: Ugh!
    Alisha: Were you having a wank in there?
    Nathan: So what if I was? A man can't enjoy a quick shuffle in his own coffin? It's not like I was expecting visitors.


& Nathan: I should probably tell my mum I'm immortal. {...} So, my mum opens the door and she's like, "Argh!" I'm like, "I'm immortal!" Then she fainted. Face plants on the radiator. There's blood and teeth everywhere.
    Kelly: Is she all right?
    Nathan: Yeah, she's fine. She's fine. Apart from the whole face. Kinda put a downer* on the whole thing.


& Nathan: So did you cry at my funeral? I bet there was loads of girls crying, all wishing they'd shagged me while I was still alive. Too late, ladies. This ship has sailed.
    Kelly: You're such a dickhead.
    Nathan: Oh, I missed you too. ...... I'm no good at this... serious, girl stuff, and feelings and shit. I fancy* you.
    Kelly: Thanks.
    Nathan: And you obviously fancy me. So the question is, when are we going to... seal the deal? Because I'm thinking, it's going to happen. I know it. You know it. They know it.
    Kelly: Tonight.


& 'Kelly'-Lucy: What have you got down there? Let's have a look. Get it out.
    Nathan: Oh. You want to see the merchandise. I get it. Try before you buy.
    'Kelly'-Lucy: Is that it?
    Nathan: I haven't got another one.
    'Kelly'-Lucy: You call that a cock?
    Nathan: What would you call it?
    'Kelly'-Lucy: I'd call it pathetic. I don't shag guys with tiny cocks. Forget it.


& Kelly: I fucking hate you sometimes!
    Nathan: You started it! I have feelings. And so does my cock!

---

& Kelly: You hit him again, I'll kick your balls back into your stomach, mate.


& Nathan: Did someone kill our probation worker? Seriously? I spend a few hours in the toilet and I miss all that? Life is just passing me by.


& Alisha: Who was that just now?
    Simon: I think it's a shape shifter. They can take on other people's appearance. I saw it in an episode of Star Trek. You should probably watch more science fiction - might actually figure out what's going on round here.


& Simon: We should set up a password that we can say to each other so we know it's us.
    Nathan: "Monkey slut".
    Alisha: We're not having "monkey slut" as a password.
    Nathan: What are the chances of that being used in a normal conversation? Kinda low, no?


& Nathan: Can we please stop killing our probation workers?


& Shaun, the new probation worker: What's going on?
    Nathan: Nothing.
    Shaun: You're obviously lying. But... it's five o'clock and I couldn't give a shit. Have a good one!


& Kelly: Nathan!
    Nathan: Kelly! It's him. She's Barry! She shoved me onto a pipe.
    Simon: I'm not her. I'm... me.
    Nathan: Then I'm really confused.


& Alisha: Monkey slut. Shit! Does that hurt?
    Nathan: Only when I breathe.


& Kelly: It's not me.
    Alisha: It's not me either.
    Simon: Prove it. Use your power. ... Argh... I want to rub my cock in your hairy armpit.
    Alisha: Happy now?
    Nathan: Cock, armpit... It wasn't pretty.


& Nathan: Don't worry about me. I'll just die... again.


& Lucy: Do you really think they're going to be friends with someone like you?
    Simon: For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong. I've never been this happy.
    Lucy: You murdered your probation worker.
    Simon: I didn't say it was perfect.


& Simon: We need to find out who it is.
    Nathan: Oh, haven't we done enough for one week? We almost killed another probation worker. You had your first blow job. I died - again. It's nearly the weekend, let's just dump her and worry about that stuff next week... Or maybe even the week after that.



-- Dict:
downer — депрессант
fancy — фантазия; любить; нравиться


On Imdb.


) Oh, really, can you, guys, please stop killing your probation workers? Please? :)