10 янв. 2011 г.

Dinner for Schmucks (1/2)

& Susana: At least Jacobson made it up on the seventh floor. It smells like cabbage on this floor.
    Tim: That's the smell of dead dreams.
    Susana: I go to the club at night and people are like, "Hey, who's wearing the coleslaw*?" Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you smell like coleslaw?.. Not hard, but still...


& Fender: I host a dinner once a month. Next one's on Saturday. And it's top secret. You can't tell anyone.
    Tim: What are we talking about here? Orgy? Is it a human sacrifice of some kind?
    Fender: We're... collectors. I'll let the guys fill you in.
    Caldwell: Some people collect vintage automobiles. Some people collect fine wines. Fender collects people.


& Julia: Kieran, you remember Tim?
    Kieran: The stockbroker.
    Tim: No. No. I work for a private equity firm that specializes in distressed assets.
    Kieran: So kind of a stockbroker.
    Tim: Almost nothing like a stockbroker.
    Kieran: Do you mind if I just call you stockbroker? It's the way I remember people. You're stockbroker Tim.


& Kieran: Do you have any idea what it's like to be up to your elbow... in a zebra's vagina? And feel life? New life, fresh life.
    Tim: No, I don't.
    Kieran: You should try it, Tim. It's magical.


& Kieran: What does it make you think of?
    Tim: I guess it kind of makes me... think of your penis.
    Kieran: Then you get it. Julie gets it.


& Tim: I hope those aren't for your lawyer.
    Barry: No. I would rather not have lawyers get involved.
    Tim: All right, I get it. You said you were fine, but... What would it take to keep the lawyers out?
    Barry: ... Five?.. Five dollars.


& Barry: Well, it's a hobby. I like to think that... I'm sort of giving them a second chance, you know? In the words of John Lennon, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."
    Tim: "The only one."
    Barry: The only what?
    Tim: No, that's the lyric. "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."



& Tim: You know, Barry, this was a very strange way to meet, but I think everything happens for a reason.
    Barry: Did you make that up?
    Tim: Yeah.
    Barry: "Everything happens for a reason." I like that.


& Tim: Anyway, tomorrow night, I'm having dinner with some friends.
    Barry: Are you? That's incredible! Congratulations.


& Caldwell: My girlfriend's not a hooker.
    Williams: She tried to give me a BJ.
    Caldwell: If she didn't ask for money, then she's not a hooker, is she?
    Williams: She asked me for money. It wasn't that expensive, either.


& Tim: Julie, Fender invited me.
    Julie: So?
    Tim: Fender, as in Fender Financial?..
    Julie: The you I know would have just said no.
    Tim: The me that you know did say no. But the me that you don't know had to say yes.
    Julie: The you I don't know?
    Tim: Yes. Look, there's you and the me that you know. And we love each other and we have a wonderful life. But then there's the me that you don't know. And the me that you don't know has to do things sometimes so that you and the me that you know can live in this nice apartment, and eat at nice restaurants and go to Cabo for Christmas. He takes care of us.
    Julie: You know what? There should not be any you I don't know.
    Tim: But there is. You might not like him. I don't like him. I hate him! But we need him.


& Barry: "For Julie. Thanks for everything. Kieran." Everything?
    Tim: Yeah, she curated his show.
    Barry: Bet that's not all she curated.
    Tim: I don't know what that means, Barry.
    Barry: Well, I don't know what curated means.


& Barry: Oh, yes... Sounds like they're having intercourse... I'm having trouble describing what I'm looking at.


& Kieran: Am I gonna make love with Christina and Monique tonight? Yeah! Hell, yes! Guilty. You caught me out. Yeah. But only because it's part of my process.
    Tim: Your "process"?
    Kieran: There are two things in this world: Wonderful, visceral, sexy sex... and death. Horrible, boring death. Now, I'm gonna go off and have some sex with these girls before I die.


& Darla: I'm a naughty little schoolgirl!
    Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
    Darla: I need to be punished. Don't you wanna be my schoolteacher?
    Barry: I'm really not qualified. I work for the IRS.


& Tim: Barry! Barry!!
    Barry: ... Works every time. If you are attacked, you should always play dead. People don't want to punch something that's dead. It's instinctual.


& Therman: Barry, I can make you say it. But with your own free will, say, "You can eat my pudding."
    Barry: I'm not gonna say it.
    Therman: Barry, I'm gonna eat it, anyway! But I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding!"



-- Dict:
coleslaw — капустный салат


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