The Bus Pants Utilization
Season 4, Episode 12
& Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me... I know it says 'click with the mouse', but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. ... Doesn't matter which finger! ... Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. ... Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, "What does it look like?" It looks like an envelope! ... Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! ... Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Good-bye!
Raj: That's a Hanukkah present you're regretting, huh?
Sheldon: I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged*, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.
& Leonard: I had a great idea. You know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier analysis, or using the Schrodinger equation?..
Sheldon: Howard doesn't. He's only an engineer.
& Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting-recognition differential equation solving.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider? ...........
Penny: Who, me?
Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting-recognition based differential...
Sheldon: The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in the heart of Texas...
& Sheldon: All right, I've taken the liberty of drafting these workflow charts
which outline our various duties and the path we will follow as we develop our ground-breaking new app.
Raj: Hey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist.
Sheldon: A customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centers.
Raj: Oh. Very clever. But still racist.
Sheldon: Duly* noted, Steve from Wichita.
& Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant?
Sheldon: Because the word "secretary" has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.
& Leonard: Okay, we need to stop for a minute. ... Sheldon, you're not in charge. It's my idea. I'm in charge.
Sheldon: Oh, of course you are. Look at the organizational chart.
You're clearly listed as founder.
Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.
Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.
& Leonard: I am in charge of this project!
Raj: Ooh. Leonard's going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass...
& Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.
Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed.
& Sheldon: Good one, boss.
What?
Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up* this employee's esprit de corps.
Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design!
Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?
Leonard: Sheldon, I think this will work. Let's just try it my way.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. I assumed that you wanted candid* truth-telling from your employees, but I realize now, you want the mindless nattering* of complacent* yes-men.
Leonard: Are you done?
Sheldon: If you say so, boss.
& Howard: ... So right now, this button-press event is just triggering a dummy procedure call...
Sheldon: How about this for the app name? The Surprisingly Helpful Equation-Linked Differential Optimized Numerator.
Raj: So it spells "Sheldon."
Sheldon: Does it? A happy accident.
& Sheldon: If we're not going to give it a name, can we at least give it a secret code designation? {...} The atomic bomb was The Manhattan Project. Windows 95 was originally Project Chicago. For our app, I would humbly suggest Project Nodlehs.
Leonard: That's just "Sheldon" backwards.
Sheldon: Another happy accident.
Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on.
& Raj: Mm. Last night, I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side-by-side mansions. But... there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?...
Howard: It means after we play handball, I'm showering at home.
& Penny: Sheldon, I'm gonna make some cocoa. Do you want some?
Sheldon: Do you make it with milk or water?
Penny: Milk.
Sheldon: Real cocoa?
Penny: That's what it says on the packet.
Sheldon: Do you have those little marshmallows?
Penny: No, sorry.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose it's appropriate.
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: A disappointing drink for a disappointing day.
& Raj: Hey, look at this. 20 people from the university have already signed up for our private beta.
Leonard: I'm telling you, the Lenwoloppali Differential Equation Scanner meets a real need. We've got a hit.
Raj: What do you think we should sell it for?
Howard: Well, based on the fact that our potential market is about 70 or 80 guys, and you want a submarine... I'd say about a million dollars a pop.
Raj: Well, what if we put out a lite version for half a million? You know, get the word of mouth going.
& Penny: What if I got Sheldon to apologize and promise to behave?
Leonard: Then I guess we would let him back on the app team, and while we're doing that, you could take an aerial tour of L.A. on your flying pig.
Penny: Okay. Wait right here.
& Penny: Okay. Um... How about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: No?
Sheldon: I was being sarcastic.
Penny: Oooh. Good for you! So all you have to do here is say you're sorry to Leonard, but say it sarcastically.
& Leonard: ... Okay, now that you're back on the team, let's get you caught up...
Sheldon: Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behavior and how much I respect and admire your leadership.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: ........ O_O
& Leonard: So as you can see, not only can you store your favorite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app.
& Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff* Manolo Blahniks.
Sheldon: Booored.
Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy.
Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm...
Penny: Booored. Okay. These are Steve Maddens. .........
--- Dict:
flog — пороть; сечь
Duly — должным образом; в надлежащем порядке
buoyed up — поднятый на поверхность
candid — искренний; прямой; чистосердечный
nattering — лестное
complacent — самодовольный; благодушный
knockoff — подделка
On Imdb.
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