The Young Offenders (2016)

Jock Murphy: Imagine if we had a million euros. What would you like to do?... Think of something. Pick anything at all. What would you like to do?
Conor MacSweeney: You've put me on the spot.
Jock Murphy: Anything. Like, come on.
Conor MacSweeney: I don't know. Like, what's the budget?

Fish Man: You serve in a fish shop and you don't eat fish? What do you eat?
Conor MacSweeney: Chicken.
Fish Man: Chicken. And nothing else?
Conor MacSweeney: Chicken nuggets, chicken balls, chicken burger, deep-fried chicken, chicken Kiev, chicken wings, chicken legs, chicken soup... stir-fried chicken, chicken tikka masala...
Fish Man: Alright, alright, I get it. You like chicken.
Conor MacSweeney: Fucking love it!

Jock Murphy: Do you know how many zeros that is after 7 million?
Conor MacSweeney: Hundreds!
Jock Murphy: Yeah, fucking thousands of zeros! It's so much money!

Conor MacSweeney: But what if we get caught, though?
Jock Murphy: Do you not know the rules that govern this country?
Conor MacSweeney: What?
Jock Murphy: When the forefathers founded our country.
Conor MacSweeney: Who were they?
Jock Murphy: The forefathers. St Patrick, St Brigid... I dunno. Why are you asking me these questions, like? Ask the teacher that. Basically, when our forefathers founded this country, yeah, they made rules, like if you're younger than 16, you're classified as a young offender which basically means you can't get in trouble.
Conor MacSweeney: So, we're just off the hook?
Jock Murphy: For some reason, they thought our brains weren't developed enough, that we wouldn't know what we were doing or something. I know, stupid, isn't it?
Conor MacSweeney: Spastics!
Jock Murphy: It's basically like a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Conor MacSweeney: There are two things you need for a good adventure - a treasure map and someone dumb enough to go with ya.
Jock Murphy: Oi, kid!
Conor MacSweeney: Now Jock had both.

Conor MacSweeney: Crime is sort of similar to going for a swim in the sea. First you dip your toe in and it's a bit cold, but before long you're in up to your balls and...
Jock Murphy: It's actually really warm.
Conor MacSweeney: So warm.

Conor MacSweeney: Jock... Jock, don't, boy! There's a kid's toy in the back.
Jock Murphy: I don't wanna do it either, but what choice do I have?
Conor MacSweeney: We could NOT do it.

Sure, I had to put up with Mam giving me shit all day, but there are a lot of benefits to a steady job, like... not getting chased by a crazy cop.

Farmer: You boys hungry?
Conor MacSweeney: I'm starving.
Farmer: I'm thinking of cooking a chicken.
Conor MacSweeney: I fuckin' love chicken.
Farmer: Good. Go out back and kill whichever one takes your fancy.
Conor MacSweeney: Kill?

Conor MacSweeney: You know, when you've only got one thing on your mind, it can be kind of hard to think clearly. You can get tunnel vision. But if you stop and open your eyes just for a moment... you'd be amazed at what you might see.

Conor MacSweeney: For me, it was just one of them adventures you go on, like looking for your G-spot. You don't really believe it exists and you're not sure what to do with it if you find it.

Conor MacSweeney: Look, I just don't want you to be a total fuck-up, alright? I'm not gonna be a total fuck-up. I'll fuck up along the way, like, but I'm not gonna...
Mairead MacSweeney: Do you promise?
Conor MacSweeney: ...I'm not gonna fuck up my whole life.

Conor MacSweeney: You can't! Think about it. Do you really want a convict for a son?.. Who's gonna cover your days off in the shop when I'm being raped in prison?
Mairead MacSweeney: You're young offenders. You'll end up in a juvenile detention centre.
Conor MacSweeney: There's rapists there too. They're just a bit younger.

Conor MacSweeney: Do drug dealers ring doorbells?

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