Secrets

Resident Alien 1×3

Harry Vanderspeigle: How was I supposed to know when I threw him on top of the ice he would disappear into the lake? I am an alien. I don't know every little detail about how Earth works.

Harry Vanderspeigle: Sleep, another example of humans being weak and inefficient. Their bodies must shut down for eight hours every single day, or they don't work properly... Please be 6:00AM. Please be 6:00AM.

Harry Vanderspeigle: If I can't sleep, I can at least learn to be a better doctor...Circumcision. What is that, eye surgery? Click... They are a savage people!

Harry Vanderspeigle: This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.

Harry Vanderspeigle: Well, you don't have anything to worry about. I'm not an alien. Unfortunately. I hear they're pretty cool...

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Okay. As you all know, we recently lost one of our own, Sam Hodges, who was murdered. Now, finding this here foot in there? This is a good thing, 'cause it means that we don't have a murderer in our town.
Deputy Liv Baker: We... we don't?
Sheriff Mike Thompson: We got ourselves a serial killer, y'all.
D'Arcy: How the hell is that a good thing?
Sheriff Mike Thompson: Serial killers don't run away and hide. They lie in wait to strike again, so they're easier to catch. Hell, if I was a serial killer, I'd be in this room right now looking for my next victim... All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't worry!

Harry Vanderspeigle: I can help. I am a pathologist. You don't need to send the whole foot to Denver.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: Well, then pathologize the damn thing and get me a DNA sample.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: We got some Ted Bundy shit going on around here, and I need to put a stop to it before he strikes again.
Harry Vanderspeigle: Or she. The killer could be a woman. That's sexist. You're sexist.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: Let me tell you something. When I say he, I mean he or she. You know, between you and me, what is this PC bullshit anyway now where you gotta say "he/she" for "he" when "he" already mean "he/she," you know what I mean?
Harry Vanderspeigle: I just think it'll be more respectful if you think of the killer as a woman.

Asta Twelvetrees: When you said "have some fun," I thought you meant dinner or maybe a movie.
D'Arcy: Come on, we got a live show here. The finale, fingers crossed, is a bloated, dead corpse.

D'Arcy: Harry? Are you home?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Yes, I'm home just standing here doing nothing.
Asta Twelvetrees: Oh, cool. Looks like a fun night.

D'Arcy: He's got all the vitamins. A, B, C... oh, my God.
Asta Twelvetrees: Huh?
D'Arcy: They're stored in alphabetical order. He's a maniac. I'm so turned on.

Asta Twelvetrees: Who even are you, Harry Vanderspeigle?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Just a... guy.

Harry Vanderspeigle: Everybody has secrets. Fear is such a great motivator. It makes people lock those secrets away. But for every one person locking away their secrets, there are two more people seeking to uncover the truth. Scary, right?

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