Alia's University

Citizen Khan 5×5

& Mrs. Khan: She’s too young. Do you think she’ll have a nice time in Scotland?
    Mr. Khan: Sweetie, nobody has a nice time in Scotland.

& Mr. Khan: If everyone just does as I say, there’ll be no problems at all...

& Mr. Khan: Alia, beti, I promise, as you grow up, I’ll give you the best start in life, the best opportunities and the best education. But you won’t need one of these. Imagine a world where all the children had mobile phones...

& Mr. Khan: I’ll sort this out. I know what I’m doing, it’ll be fine, you worry too much, you people.

& Lorry driver: You must be joking, pal.
    Mr. Khan: It’s OK, we’re Pakistani, not Romanians.

& Lorry driver: Forget it. I voted leave.
    Mr. Khan: So did I!

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& Mr. Khan: Sweetie, ... I know your head is filled only with God and studies right now. But one day you realise there are other things in the world... Like boys.
    Alia: OK.
    Mr. Khan: But what you have to remember is that boys are not like girls.
    Alia: Are they not?
    Mr. Khan: No. Boys are bad. They only have one thing on their minds.
    Alia: What’s that?
    Mr. Khan: ..... Cricket.
    Alia: Cricket?! I don’t like cricket.
    Mr. Khan: I know. And that’s good. But one day you might decide that you do... like... cricket....

& Mr. Khan: ...one day you might meet somebody, let’s say a boy, and he’s really into the cricket and he might try and get you to watch. And you might think, well, there’s no harm in watching. But then... he shows you his bat. And his pads. And his helmet. And the next thing you know, the covers are off, you’re letting him play on your pitch and you’ve been caught out by his googly. Do you see?
    Alia: Sort of.
    Mr. Khan: Good!

& Mrs. Khan: Your father’s right, beti.
    Mr. Khan: Am I? Blimey!
    Mrs. Khan: What are you doing?
    Mr. Khan: I’m writing it down. «23rd of September 2016, Mrs Khan says Mr Khan is right.»

& Mr. Khan: Clever, modest and practical. Aw... She’s a practically perfect Pakistani in every way.

& Mr. Khan: It’s fine. As soon as we get to Scotland, we’ll sneak out and everything will be Mac-tickety-boo.

& Mr. Khan: I should have known. Scottish people never go back to Scotland once they’ve escaped.

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On the IMDb