The Six Ungraspables

Fargo 1×5

& Lester: Um, why “Irregular”?
    Briansdottir: Well, they put a ladies’ sock in with the gents’.
    Lester: Which one’s which?
    Briansdottir: It’s unclear.
    Lester: Ah. Eh, I’ll roll the dice... Uh, how much?
    Briansdottir: You tell me.
    Lester: Say again?
    Briansdottir: The sign says “Best Offer.” What are you offering?
    Lester: Well, I mean, uh... Eh, what’s fair?
    Briansdottir: Well, that’s not for me to say. It’s three pairs of socks, half of them ladies’. Probably not a million dollars...
    Lester: Uh... Right. Well, I don’t want to take advantage... 2 bucks... Or if that’s, uh... 3 bucks?.. 5!
    Briansdottir: Tell you what, you give me $55, I’ll give you the socks... and throw in this 12-Gauge.

& Pearl: Well, if anyone could shoot theirselves in the face with an unloaded firearm, it’s you.

& Molly: Well— I mean, we gotta talk to him, don’t ya think?
    Oswalt: I guess we’d better.

& Lorne: Do I look like I want a pink police scanner?
    Joe: I don’t know. Could be a gift for a lady.
    Lorne: And in your experience, uh, police scanners? is that a gift ladies get wet for?

& Joe: Anything else?
    Lorne: Yeah, I need a walkie-talkie.
    Joe: Yeah... ’fraid I can’t just sell you one, stretch. See, they come in pairs. You know, so you can chat with a friend.
    Lorne: I don’t have any friends.
    Joe: That’s a sad story. I still gotta sell ya two. Hey, maybe you could make a friend and give it to him.
    Lorne: Maybe I could give it to you. Call ya up late at night. And you could listen to me shit on people.

& Stavros: He thinks I’m crazy. You think I’m crazy?
    Lorne: We’re only as good as the promises we keep.

& Ari: Two kids.
    Gus: I’m sorry?
    Ari: I got two kids and a wife who thinks out loud. This is the time I get.

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& Ari: The winters are cold. But I can’t complain. My socks have holes. But again, do I complain? I do not. The oldest needs braces. The youngest once sneezed for three days straight. But who could complain? They’re gifts.
    Gus: Children?
    Ari: All of it. The cold, the holes.

& Gus: Hey, so I-I have a question. Spiritually, I mean. Or not spiritually, but I don’t know, of a— of, like, an ethical nature.

& Ari: A rich man opens the paper one day. He sees the world is full of misery.
    Gus: Is this a, uh...
    Ari: It’s a parable. A rich man opens the paper one day. He sees the world is full of misery. He says, “I have money. I can help.” So he gives away all of his money. But it’s not enough. The people are still suffering. One day, the man sees another article. He decides he was foolish to think just giving money was enough. So he goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I want to donate a kidney.” The doctors do the surgery. It’s a complete success. After, he knows he should feel good, but he doesn’t, for people are still suffering. So he goes back to the doctor. He says, “Doctor, this time I want to give it all.” The doctor says, “What does that mean, ’Give it all’?” He says, “This time I want to donate my liver. But not just my liver. I want to donate my heart, but not just my heart. I want to donate my corneas, but not just my corneas. I want to give it all away. Everything I am. All that I have.” The doctor says, “A kidney is one thing, but you can’t give away your whole body piece by piece. That’s suicide.” And he sends the man home. But the man cannot live knowing that the people are suffering and he could help. So he gives the one thing he has left. His life.
    Gus: And does it work? Does it stop the suffering?
    Ari: You live in the world. What do you think?
    Gus: So he killed himself for nothing?
    Ari: Did he?
    Gus: Well, I mean... You’re saying... What are you saying?
    Ari: Only a fool thinks he can solve the world’s problems.
    Gus: Yeah, but you gotta try, don’t ya?

& Lorne: It was the Romans, wasn’t it?
    Stavros: Huh? What are you saying?
    Lorne: Saint Lawrence, your window. The Romans burned him alive.
    Stavros: They did.
    Lorne: You know why?
    Stavros: ’Cause he was Christian.
    Lorne: Maybe. But I think it was because the Romans were raised by wolves. Greatest empire in human history, founded by wolves... You know what wolves do. They hunt. They kill. It’s why I never bought into The Jungle Book. Boy’s raised by wolves and becomes friends with a bear and a panther. I don’t think so.

& Stavros: I don’t, uh— I don’t—
    Lorne: Well, I’m saying that the Romans raised by wolves, they see a guy turning water into wine, what do they do? They eat him. ’Cause there are no saints in the animal kingdom. Only breakfast and dinner.

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