Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

Two and a Half Men 9×16

& Zoey: ... I also took a semester off to study opera in Florence. That’s in Italy.
    Lyndsey: Wow.
    Alan: That is one talented lady... And by “talented” I mean annoying, and by “lady” I mean bitch.

& Alan: Happy Valentine’s Day, darling.
    Walden: You, too, sweetheart.

& Walden: Well, you know how it is.
    Alan: Uh, you and I are like the mailmen. Rain or shine, we got to deliver the old package.
    Walden: Handle with care.
    Alan: Express delivery. No, wait, let me think of another one... This side up. Oh.
    Walden: That’s good, that’s good.

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& Alan: The, uh, the holy trinity of Valentine’s Day: sips, sonnets and sodomy.
    Zoey: That’s interesting. I can see you as a drunken sodomite, never imagined you liking poetry.
    Lyndsey: Oh, no, no, I really do. Here’s a poem you might appreciate. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a nice person and you can bite my pale, unrefined ass.”
    Zoey: A lady doesn’t bite.
    Lyndsey: Hmm.
    Zoey: She will however be happy to make you wear that ass as a bonnet.

& Alan: You know, it’s actually good that Lyndsey sent me to the drugstore. ’Cause now I can pick up her Valentine’s Day gift.
    Walden: Nice! Yeah, nothing says “I love you” like Q-tips and stool softener.

& Lyndsey: Tell me about your ex.
    Zoey: Nigel. Oh, God, how can I describe Nigel? Highly educated, extremely cultured, and as you Americans might say... “a total freakin’ douche bag.”
    Lyndsey: Really? My ex-husband is, as you Brits might say... “a right bloody wanker.”
    Zoey: Looks like we both traded up, huh?

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On the IMDb