& Danny: So, tell me.
Bernie: Tell you what?
Danny: About last night.
& Bernie: I see this chick, cute girl, tight.
Danny: Model tight?
Bernie: No. No, no, no, no. I’m not fucking with them anorexic girls no more, dude. It’s like fucking a10-speed bike with daddy issues.
& Debbie: That’s why I don’t go out much.
Danny: It’s not worth it, right?
Debbie: Why even try something when 95% of the time it’s just an epic failure?
Danny: Because that other 5% can be pretty mind-blowing?
& Bernie: Here’s the thing. I explained to her, I said, technically, we’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend, so, technically, you can’t break up with me.
Danny: Did she give you a reason for not technically breaking up with you?
Bernie: She’s a woman, Danny. I mean, she bitched about a few minor things.
& Bernie: See, my parents...
Joan: Are coming to town and I’m like, “I want to meet them.” And he’s like, “No way.” And I’m like, “Why not?” And he goes, “Because you’re not Jewish.”
Debbie: He’s...
Joan: Jewish? How did I not know that?
Bernie: A, because I’m not. And B, because when you and I were fucking, you never asked to meet my parents.
Danny: True. And, so what?
Bernie: I dropped the Jew-bomb. She can’t say anything about it. If she does, she’s racist.
& Bernie: I like Joan. I think Joan is great in bed. I think the girl’s ass should be worshipped by indigenous peoples. But when you start talking about girlfriend and boyfriend, and meeting the parents, it’s exit time for me.
& Danny: Weren’t you the one that said get in or get out?
Bernie: Part of getting in, genius, is knowing when to get...
& Debbie: Hold up, hold up, hold up. I thought you said he broke up with you.
Joan: He did. Because I did the only thing a red-blooded woman can do in that situation. I forced an ultimatum. You choose me, or you choose your family and heritage.
Debbie: And he chose 3,000 years of beautiful tradition...
Joan: Can you believe that asshole?
& Debbie: Can we always be honest like this?
Danny: Absolutely. What level of honesty would you prefer? “I don’t like it when you play Rihanna music” honest? Or “I imagine a threesome with you and Rihanna” honest? I’m good either way.
& Bernie: You look good, Joan. By good, I do mean tremendous.
& Bernie: Listen, I was thinking...
Joan: You were thinking? You shouldn’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.
& Joan: Excuse me, what is your name?
Tracy: I’m...
Joan: Exactly. No one cares. Because you are making a brief cameo in a very tragic porno.
& Bernie: Who says that we even gotta get it right at all? I mean, if you take away all the conventions, being in an honest relationship is the most freeing feeling in the world, man. I can be me by just being me, and she can be her by just being her. And when I’m with her... Oh, my God. There’s no place else I’d rather be. When I’m not with her, that’s the only place that I wanna be.
& Bernie: You get it? Like, do you understand what I’m saying?
& Joan: This is your first vacation in three years, and you spend it with Hugh Laurie.
Debbie: He’s the only person in the world who understands me. He’s really smart.
Joan: You know why, Deb? Because Dr House knows something that Debbie Sullivan has yet to discover.
Debbie: What?
Joan: All the answers in the world won’t solve your problems.
--
On the IMDb
Bernie: Tell you what?
Danny: About last night.
& Bernie: I see this chick, cute girl, tight.
Danny: Model tight?
Bernie: No. No, no, no, no. I’m not fucking with them anorexic girls no more, dude. It’s like fucking a
& Debbie: That’s why I don’t go out much.
Danny: It’s not worth it, right?
Debbie: Why even try something when 95% of the time it’s just an epic failure?
Danny: Because that other 5% can be pretty mind-blowing?
& Bernie: Here’s the thing. I explained to her, I said, technically, we’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend, so, technically, you can’t break up with me.
Danny: Did she give you a reason for not technically breaking up with you?
Bernie: She’s a woman, Danny. I mean, she bitched about a few minor things.
& Bernie: See, my parents...
Joan: Are coming to town and I’m like, “I want to meet them.” And he’s like, “No way.” And I’m like, “Why not?” And he goes, “Because you’re not Jewish.”
Debbie: He’s...
Joan: Jewish? How did I not know that?
Bernie: A, because I’m not. And B, because when you and I were fucking, you never asked to meet my parents.
Danny: True. And, so what?
Bernie: I dropped the Jew-bomb. She can’t say anything about it. If she does, she’s racist.
& Bernie: I like Joan. I think Joan is great in bed. I think the girl’s ass should be worshipped by indigenous peoples. But when you start talking about girlfriend and boyfriend, and meeting the parents, it’s exit time for me.
& Danny: Weren’t you the one that said get in or get out?
Bernie: Part of getting in, genius, is knowing when to get...
& Debbie: Hold up, hold up, hold up. I thought you said he broke up with you.
Joan: He did. Because I did the only thing a red-blooded woman can do in that situation. I forced an ultimatum. You choose me, or you choose your family and heritage.
Debbie: And he chose 3,000 years of beautiful tradition...
Joan: Can you believe that asshole?
& Debbie: Can we always be honest like this?
Danny: Absolutely. What level of honesty would you prefer? “I don’t like it when you play Rihanna music” honest? Or “I imagine a threesome with you and Rihanna” honest? I’m good either way.
& Bernie: You look good, Joan. By good, I do mean tremendous.
& Bernie: Listen, I was thinking...
Joan: You were thinking? You shouldn’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.
& Joan: Excuse me, what is your name?
Tracy: I’m...
Joan: Exactly. No one cares. Because you are making a brief cameo in a very tragic porno.
& Bernie: Who says that we even gotta get it right at all? I mean, if you take away all the conventions, being in an honest relationship is the most freeing feeling in the world, man. I can be me by just being me, and she can be her by just being her. And when I’m with her... Oh, my God. There’s no place else I’d rather be. When I’m not with her, that’s the only place that I wanna be.
& Bernie: You get it? Like, do you understand what I’m saying?
& Joan: This is your first vacation in three years, and you spend it with Hugh Laurie.
Debbie: He’s the only person in the world who understands me. He’s really smart.
Joan: You know why, Deb? Because Dr House knows something that Debbie Sullivan has yet to discover.
Debbie: What?
Joan: All the answers in the world won’t solve your problems.
--
On the IMDb
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