The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

Two and a Half Men 9×15

& Walden: You know, at some point, I’m going to have to meet her.
    Zoey: At some point, yes, but not today.
    Walden: Yeah, well, I kind of feel like I already know her. I mean, I’m certainly familiar with her port of entry into this world.
    Zoey: Yes. Ha ha.

& Jake: Can I ask you a personal question?
    Alan: Does it involve money, drugs or pregnancy?
    Jake: No.
    Alan: How can I help you, my son?

& Alan: Morning.
    Walden: Morning.
    Alan: What happened to you?
    Walden: I was perched on a dresser, and I fell on my penis.
    Alan: Oh. I hate when that happens.

---

& Berta: Everything okay with you and Mary Poppins?
    Walden: Were you eavesdropping?
    Berta: If I don’t eavesdrop, I’ve got nothing to tweet about.

& Berta: The problem is she’s English. Stiff upper lips and all that. You should date a nice Polish girl.
    Walden: You don’t say.
    Berta: Oh, yeah. Those Commies, they’re all freaks. Sex is the only thing they didn’t have to stand in line and wait for.

& Zoey: Hey, you know what’s very weird? You Americans call these chips, we call them crisps. And what we call chips, you call...
    Alan: French fries.
    Zoey: Oh, don’t get me started on the French!

--
On the IMDb