You Do It to Yourself

Elementary 1×9

& Holmes: Watson, you should know by now, boredom is far more dangerous to my health than any fever.

& Holmes: He was killed elsewhere, and then dumped here.
    Bell: Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.
    Holmes: A pig’s orgasm lasts up to 30 minutes.

& Holmes: ... That’s what he was doing last night.
    Bell: I know you’re just waiting for me to ask you why you think that... Why do you think that?
    Holmes: I’m glad you asked. It was the thirteens.

& Bell: Oh, good, you’re here. You can deal with him.
    Watson: Everything okay?
    Bell: Spent the entire car ride yammering into a digital recorder. Something about the effect on tides on crime rates in New York.
    Holmes: I’m considering writing a monograph.
    Bell: You should check his fever. I think he’s hallucinating.

---

& Holmes: Can I help... with your old client? It’s obvious his predicament is distracting you.
    Watson: He isn’t your problem.
    Holmes: No. But he and I are members of a very exclusive club, the sober clients of Joan Watson. Brothers, in a sense. Is there any chance he’s innocent?

& Holmes: Ugh, what-what is that? I asked for coffee.
    Watson: Well, you asked for coffee, but you got tea.
    Holmes: No, I’m British... this is not tea.
    Watson: There’s some traditional Chinese herbs in there... I found the ingredients for the same tea my mom used to make me when I was sick.
    Holmes: Well, all due respect to your mother, I would prefer something proven by a scientific method.
    Watson: The herbs in that tea have been proven scientifically to inhibit the movement of neutrophils, improve the function of protective cilia, and contribute to longer-lasting, more vasodilated erections.
    Holmes: By your mother?
    Watson: Just shut up and drink it.

& Gregson: Thank God for stupid people.

& Watson: Well, he certainly downloaded a lot of music.
    Holmes: Over a hundred songs last month alone. Almost exclusively bad... “My Heart Will Go On.” I have a good mind to let him rot.

& Watson: If there’s someplace else you have to be...
    Holmes: Not tonight, Watson. Not tonight.

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On the IMDb


Σ MS Surface tablet & Watson's unusual improvisation which brings the tablet on the surface of this episode almost ruined the episode. Sh&W's last words + final song saved it.