Fish in a Drawer

Two and a Half Men 5×17

& Berta: Charlie!
    Charlie: What?
    Berta: At your mother’s wedding?
    Charlie: Yeah.
    Berta: I ain’t cleaning it up.

& Alexis: So are you a friend of the bride or the groom?
    Alan: Well, the bride is my mother, so... The groom.

& Alan: So he was just lying there with his pants down?
    Charlie: Apparently somebody was giving him a very special wedding present.
    Alan: Mom?
    Charlie: I don’t think so. She’s downstairs acting as if nothing happened. And more importantly, she married the guy. Why would she bother?

& Charlie: Teddy’s dead.
    Berta: Yeah, that’s a stiffy.
    Charlie: We have got a real problem here.
    Berta: What do you mean “we”?

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& Evelyn: You son of a bitch!
    Alan: So you weren’t the one who was...?
    Evelyn: Of course not! I already married the man. I just can’t believe he’d cheat on me on our wedding day.
    Courtney: Excuse me, my father is lying here dead!
    Evelyn: With his pants around his ankles and lipstick on his hoo-hoo.

& Berta: So who do you suppose was smoking Teddy’s sausage?
    Courtney: Berta, that is my father in there!
    Berta: Okay. So who do you suppose was smoking your father’s sausage?

& Berta: I’m warning you, coffee tends to shoot through me. So if you’ve got a cavity search planned, you better do it pretty quick.
    Detective Henry Ketchum: We don’t need to do a cavity search.
    Berta: Can I request one?

& Berta: You can’t blame him. You gotta figure that boinking Evelyn is like riding a bicycle over train tracks. You’ll get where you’re going, but you’re gonna feel every bump.

& Detective Henry Ketchum: Look, Jake, what I wanna know is... were you in your uncle’s room at any time today?
    Jake: No, I never go in my uncle’s room.
    Detective Henry Ketchum: Why not?
    Jake: Because all the skin mags are in my dad’s room.

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