Waiting for the Right Snapper

Two and a Half Men 5×19

& Charlie: So, what do I owe you?
    Dr. Freeman: Well, I get $200 an hour. You were here for five minutes. So why don’t we just round it off and say $200?
    Charlie: Man. Even hookers prorate.
    Dr. Freeman: Hookers don’t have to listen to you, Charlie. Goodbye.
    Charlie: Bye, doc. Good session.

& Charlie: Angie, this is my mother, Evelyn. Mom, this is Angie.
    Angie: Nice to meet you, Evelyn, I’ve heard a lot about you.
    Evelyn: Well, there’s two sides to every story.

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& Alan: Well, you know, I’d have to say that it’s wonderfully rewarding. And more than a little challenging. Jake’s kind of a diamond in the rough.
    Charlie: Jake’s kind of a turd in the punch bowl.
    Angie: Charlie, that is no way to talk about a child.
    Charlie: He’s not a child. He’s a post-pubescent tapeworm with a bad haircut.

& Angie: Was your divorce very hard on him?
    Alan: You have no idea.
    Charlie: I’ll tell you who his divorce was hard on. Me.
    Alan: Stop playing the martyr.
    Charlie: Stop living in my house.
    Alan: Here we go.
    Charlie: You keep saying that, but you never go.

& Berta: Morning.
    Alan: What’s good about it?
    Berta: I didn’t say good.

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+ quotes on the IMDb

End of Season Five