14 дек. 2012 г.

The Santa Simulation

The Big Bang Theory 6×11

& Leonard: Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
    Penny: Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
    Leonard: Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore...
    Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
    Leonard: Little bit, yeah.

& Sheldon: You're not invited.
    Amy: Why not?
    Sheldon: Amy, from time to time, we men need to break free from the shackles of civility and get in touch with our primal animalistic selves.
    Amy: By rolling dice and playing make-believe with little figurines?
    Sheldon: Yeah, like a bunch of savages.

& Howard: I have to play Dungeons and Dragons... for the marriage.
    Bernadette: You're an idiot!
    Howard: I'm your idiot. Forever.

& Raj: So, listen, I know we talked about getting a bite to eat in Silver Lake, and then seeing the Christmas lights in Griffith Park, but Leonard's talking about a big D and D game at his place.
    Stuart: Saturday night just went from crazy to epic! Woo-hoo!


& Sheldon: You know I don't enjoy Christmas.
    Stuart: What's wrong with Christmas?
    Sheldon: Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors... Overuse of the words "'tis" and "'twas." And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everyone knows socks belong in pairs. Who uses one sock?..
    Howard: Pirate with a peg leg?
    Sheldon: Actually... that helps, thank you.

& Sheldon: Oh, a scroll. I like scrolls. They're my third favorite system of transmitting the written word. After stone tablets and skywriting.

& Sheldon: Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best-tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst-tasting jelly.

& Raj: Oh, man, the first monster I see, I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand, and shoot my magic all over his ass!
    Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

& Sheldon: I know they're making a rhetorical point, I just don't know what it is.

& Raj: Uh, wait, can I come with you? My character died...
    Bernadette: Sorry, Raj, it's girls' night out.
    Penny: Maybe another time... ..... Okay. Come on.
    Raj: Ooh! Girls' night, girls' night!
    Stuart: How does he not hear that?

& Amy: Are we gonna teach our fellas a lesson by getting stinking drunk, luring strange men into the bathroom, and turning the toilet stall into a temple of the senses?

& Bernadette: Hey, let's help Raj meet a girl tonight.
    Penny: Okay, wait, are we talking one-night stand or do we want to get him into a relationship?
    Amy: Let's get him laid!

& Raj: Okay. Well, a couple of things. Don't tell them I come from money. I want them to love me for me. And... They must be insanely hot. Like, nines or tens.
    Penny: Nines or tens?!
    Raj: Okay, an eight is acceptable if she's willing to bring another eight to the hot tub.
    Bernadette: Bottom line: you'll take any woman who'll have you, right?

& Stuart: I don't remember you buying these miniatures in my store...
    Leonard: Oh, uh, yeah. I got 'em on Amazon.
    Stuart: Sure. I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?

& Penny: So, how'd it go?
    Raj: Great. I bought her a couple of drinks, and she gave me her e-mail address.
    Penny: Ooh!
    Bernadette: "Jennifer@not-even-if-you-were-the-last-guy-on-earth.loser"

& Raj: It's true. I'm always attracted to women I can't have. I do it all the time. I did the same thing with the two of you...
    Amy: The two of them? I don't understand.

& Sheldon:
        ♪ Ye who now will bless the poor ♪
        ♪ Shall yourselves find blessing ♪
        ♪ Ba-da-bum. ♪

    Howard: Done?
    Sheldon: I think the word you're looking for is "bravo."

& Raj: Sometimes I get so lonely, I sit on my left hand until it goes numb, then I put it in my right hand and pretend I'm holding hands with another person.

& Howard: Yes, we found Santa! Christmas is saved!.. Don't ever tell my mother I said that.

& Leonard: Okay. So Wolowitz and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa's dead... and I picked this over having sex with my girlfriend.

& Santa: Close your eyes.
    Sheldon: Oh, I hope it's a train...
    Santa: Oh, it's better than a train.
    Sheldon: Two trains?
    Santa: Better.
    Sheldon: I'm getting three trains!

& Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ya big dork!

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