Two and a Half Men 4x21

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

& Charlie: How long were you married?
    Greg: Sixteen years.
    Charlie: Whoa. What ended it? Cheating? Drinking? Gambling?
    Greg: Gay.
    Charlie: Oh, her?
    Greg: No.
    Charlie: Ah, ahem... So, what, you didn’t wanna try drinking or gambling?

& Alan: Don’t be silly. He knows I’m not gay.
    Charlie: Are you sure? For 16 years, he didn’t know he was gay.

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& Charlie: Berta, how long have you been working for me?
    Berta: Define “working.”
    Charlie: What kind of hair conditioner do I use?
    Berta: I quit.

& Jake: It’s okay if I’m not gay, right?

& Alan: I’ve been unhappy for most of my life. I’ve never really fit in anywhere... and now, suddenly, I’m happy. Some might even say I’m glowing.
    Charlie: There is a big leap between glowing and flaming.
    Alan: I’m just saying that this friendship with Greg has been so easy... and fun, and everybody else just seems happier thinking I’m gay. Maybe that’s the answer...
    Charlie: What was the question?
    Alan: Who is Alan Harper?
    Charlie: That’s easy. Alan Harper is an idiot.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.