Two and a Half Men 4x17

I Merely Slept with a Commie

& Alan: Hey, Charlie, would you see who that is?
    Charlie: ... It’s Death.
    Alan: Hi, Mom.

& Alan: You’ll go to Mom’s funeral, won’t you?
    Charlie: Of course. As the eldest son, it’s my obligation to pound in the stake.
    Alan: Typical. Nothing for Alan to do.
    Charlie: Okay, you can cut off her head and hold it up for the villagers.

& Jake: Yo, mad props on the sandwich, Dad. This PB and J is off the hook.
    Charlie: Excuse me?
    Alan: He’s been watching MTV Cribs. The kid’s a sponge.
    Jake: For shizzle, my dizzle.

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& Jake: True dat. You tell them, Poop Dogg. Yo, check out the bling.
    Charlie: Jake, I’m not gonna tell you again. You’re a pasty white kid. Start acting like one.

& Jake: So do you have a PlayStation or an Xbox?
    Changpu: I have a cello.
    Jake: What do you play on that?
    Changpu: Beethoven, Brahms, Bach, Shostakovich...
    Jake: So no “Grand Theft Auto”?

& Changpu: Make a wish.
    Evelyn: Why? You’re already here. My wish has come true.
    Alan: Who wishes for two gay guys and a Chinese kid?

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+ quotes on the Imdb.