& Interviewer: Do you have nuclear weapons?
Aladeen: What was the question?
Interviewer: Do you have nuclear weapons?
Aladeen: Sorry, I can’t hear you.
Interviewer: Are you developing nuclear weapons?
Aladeen: No, I literally can’t hear you.
Interviewer: I’m going to another question.
Aladeen: Oh, I can hear you now.
& Aladeen: Uncle Tamir, this thing is an idiot. What makes you think he can do the job?
Tamir: May I remind you that his only real job is to be shot in the head?
& Clayton: Admiral General, I am here for your protection 24/7.
Aladeen: Okay.
Clayton: But in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say I hate A-rabs.
Aladeen: Well, that’s fine, because I’m not an Arab.
Clayton: Well, you’re all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews, those blue tree-hugging queers in A-vatar. In fact, anyone from outside of America is technically an A-rab.
& Aladeen: Twenty dollars a day for Internet? What the fuck? And they accuse me of being an international criminal?..
& Clayton: We gotta get down to business. Enough chit-chat, I’m being paid to kill you. But I’m gonna torture you for free.
& Zoey: Allison, could you please take your hands off my breasts?
Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy...
& Zoey: This is my store! This is the Free Earth Collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.
& Aladeen: You seem educated.
Zoey: Yes. I went to Amherst.
Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It’s like seeing a monkey on rollerskates. It means nothing to them, but it’s so adorable for us.
& Aladeen: Why is this happening to me? All I ever did was steal my country’s wealth and execute anybody who did not agree with me, and many who did. Why me? Why is it always the good guys? Why?
& Aladeen: Nadal, you must help me get back into power.
Nadal: What? No! Why would I do that? I have a perfectly good job here. I’m a Mac Genius!
Aladeen: What do you do?
Nadal: Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.
Aladeen: Congratulations. Living the American dream...
& Nadal: What are you doing?
Aladeen: Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.
& Nadal: ...on the day of the event, you enter the Lancaster as a member of her staff You will find the double, switch with him, then rip up the constitution in front of the whole world.
Aladeen: Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?!
& Aladeen: Kimberly?
Zoey: Zoey?
Aladeen: Who cares?
& Zoey: The police here are such fascists!
Aladeen: Yeah, right, and not in a good way.
& Aladeen: I did it! I justjerked it completely off! I did it all by myself! With this hand right here! I grabbed my bilbul like I was strangling a bird. And I smacked it and I smacked it and I gave it a flick, and out came my own labeneh!
& Aladeen: Zoey? Zoey! You have changed my life! Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
& Aladeen: How is she to judge? She shaves her armpits once a year, and she takes lovers outside of her ethnic group. Are my crimes any worse than hers?
& Zoey: It’s amazing!
Aladeen: Oh, it’s not amazing. It’s just a little less shit.
& Nadal: When the thought of someone’s decapitated head upsets you, that is love.
Aladeen: I swear, I don’t even like her at all!
Nadal: You don’t like her?
Aladeen: She has the body shape of a 14-year-old boy.
Nadal: Well, that is a particular weakness of yours.
& Aladeen: Quick! Plan B! Plan B! ... Why did you chop off his head?
Nadal: You said Plan B!
Aladeen: Plan B was to have coffee and regroup, it was not to chop his head off!
& Pregnant Woman: Stop talking to my vagina!
& Aladeen: Sorry. Oh, no!
Pregnant Woman: What’s wrong?
Aladeen: I’m sorry. It’s bad news. It’s a girl. Where’s the trash can?
& Aladeen: You have such a small stomach. It’s like a 10-year-old boy’s. Normally, I don’t kiss a 10-year-old boys stomach. They kiss mine.
& Aladeen: See you in 15 minutes...
& Zoey: Allison, before we go any further... there’s something that I want to tell you.
Aladeen: You’ve got a dick. I knew it!
& Zoey: You are out of your mind. You’re insane!
Aladeen: Well, you download songs illegally from the Internet. So let’s not throw stones, okay?
& Aladeen: You are such a schmuck!
Nadal: Why are you speaking Yiddish?
Aladeen: I picked it up.
Nadal: What do you mean, “I picked it up”? Who picks up Yiddish?
Aladeen: I’m in New York!
Nadal: We’re trying to erase that country off the map!
Aladeen: I don’t like the people, but I like the way that their words really sound like what they’re meant to be.
Nadal: Oh, I’m sorry! Did I not get the invite to your bar mitzvah?
Aladeen: Oh, my God! You’ve got real chutzpah saying that!
& Nadal: Standing on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide and still wearing Crocs?
Aladeen: What’s wrong with Crocs?
Nadal: They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!
& Aladeen: Why are you guys so anti-dictators?.. Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation’s wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes and bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group and no one would complain! You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests. I know this is hard for you Americans to imagine, but please try...
& Zoey: I’m pregnant.
Aladeen: What? Are you having a boy or an abortion?
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
Aladeen: What was the question?
Interviewer: Do you have nuclear weapons?
Aladeen: Sorry, I can’t hear you.
Interviewer: Are you developing nuclear weapons?
Aladeen: No, I literally can’t hear you.
Interviewer: I’m going to another question.
Aladeen: Oh, I can hear you now.
& Aladeen: Uncle Tamir, this thing is an idiot. What makes you think he can do the job?
Tamir: May I remind you that his only real job is to be shot in the head?
& Clayton: Admiral General, I am here for your protection 24/7.
Aladeen: Okay.
Clayton: But in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say I hate A-rabs.
Aladeen: Well, that’s fine, because I’m not an Arab.
Clayton: Well, you’re all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews, those blue tree-hugging queers in A-vatar. In fact, anyone from outside of America is technically an A-rab.
& Aladeen: Twenty dollars a day for Internet? What the fuck? And they accuse me of being an international criminal?..
& Clayton: We gotta get down to business. Enough chit-chat, I’m being paid to kill you. But I’m gonna torture you for free.
& Zoey: Allison, could you please take your hands off my breasts?
Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy...
& Zoey: This is my store! This is the Free Earth Collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.
& Aladeen: You seem educated.
Zoey: Yes. I went to Amherst.
Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It’s like seeing a monkey on rollerskates. It means nothing to them, but it’s so adorable for us.
& Aladeen: Why is this happening to me? All I ever did was steal my country’s wealth and execute anybody who did not agree with me, and many who did. Why me? Why is it always the good guys? Why?
& Aladeen: Nadal, you must help me get back into power.
Nadal: What? No! Why would I do that? I have a perfectly good job here. I’m a Mac Genius!
Aladeen: What do you do?
Nadal: Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.
Aladeen: Congratulations. Living the American dream...
& Nadal: What are you doing?
Aladeen: Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.
& Nadal: ...on the day of the event, you enter the Lancaster as a member of her staff You will find the double, switch with him, then rip up the constitution in front of the whole world.
Aladeen: Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?!
& Aladeen: Kimberly?
Zoey: Zoey?
Aladeen: Who cares?
& Zoey: The police here are such fascists!
Aladeen: Yeah, right, and not in a good way.
& Aladeen: I did it! I justjerked it completely off! I did it all by myself! With this hand right here! I grabbed my bilbul like I was strangling a bird. And I smacked it and I smacked it and I gave it a flick, and out came my own labeneh!
& Aladeen: Zoey? Zoey! You have changed my life! Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
& Aladeen: How is she to judge? She shaves her armpits once a year, and she takes lovers outside of her ethnic group. Are my crimes any worse than hers?
& Zoey: It’s amazing!
Aladeen: Oh, it’s not amazing. It’s just a little less shit.
& Nadal: When the thought of someone’s decapitated head upsets you, that is love.
Aladeen: I swear, I don’t even like her at all!
Nadal: You don’t like her?
Aladeen: She has the body shape of a 14-year-old boy.
Nadal: Well, that is a particular weakness of yours.
& Aladeen: Quick! Plan B! Plan B! ... Why did you chop off his head?
Nadal: You said Plan B!
Aladeen: Plan B was to have coffee and regroup, it was not to chop his head off!
& Pregnant Woman: Stop talking to my vagina!
& Aladeen: Sorry. Oh, no!
Pregnant Woman: What’s wrong?
Aladeen: I’m sorry. It’s bad news. It’s a girl. Where’s the trash can?
& Aladeen: You have such a small stomach. It’s like a 10-year-old boy’s. Normally, I don’t kiss a 10-year-old boys stomach. They kiss mine.
& Aladeen: See you in 15 minutes...
& Zoey: Allison, before we go any further... there’s something that I want to tell you.
Aladeen: You’ve got a dick. I knew it!
& Zoey: You are out of your mind. You’re insane!
Aladeen: Well, you download songs illegally from the Internet. So let’s not throw stones, okay?
& Aladeen: You are such a schmuck!
Nadal: Why are you speaking Yiddish?
Aladeen: I picked it up.
Nadal: What do you mean, “I picked it up”? Who picks up Yiddish?
Aladeen: I’m in New York!
Nadal: We’re trying to erase that country off the map!
Aladeen: I don’t like the people, but I like the way that their words really sound like what they’re meant to be.
Nadal: Oh, I’m sorry! Did I not get the invite to your bar mitzvah?
Aladeen: Oh, my God! You’ve got real chutzpah saying that!
& Nadal: Standing on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide and still wearing Crocs?
Aladeen: What’s wrong with Crocs?
Nadal: They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!
& Aladeen: Why are you guys so anti-dictators?.. Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation’s wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes and bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group and no one would complain! You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests. I know this is hard for you Americans to imagine, but please try...
& Zoey: I’m pregnant.
Aladeen: What? Are you having a boy or an abortion?
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
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