It's Always Been This Way

You're the Worst 4×13

Vernon: What heaven is this?

Jimmy: Fancy a drive?

Jimmy: Sounds like the Barbara clan have finally Chernobyl'd themselves. I need to witness the fallout in IMAX.

Edgar: I don't mean to be over-dramatic and assume it's me or anything, but...

Max: You triggered me. Telling me about sad things and poor people... Why would you put that on me? I'm having trouble sleeping. I have PTSD from your war stories.
Edgar: I have PTSD from war!!

Jimmy: I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing for my personal growth were I to try to be more available for your stories and whatnot.
Edgar: Uh, at this point, I think that might be too weird.
Jimmy: Okay. Phew.

---

Lindsay: I'm a helper. Like that glove that makes hamburgers.

Olivia: Gretchen, will you help me with my poster for science class?
Gretchen: Sure, kiddo. Go get your crayons. No flesh color, 'cause racism.

Gretchen: It just confirmed what I have always known. At the end of the day, I'm unlovable. Fundamentally. Always have been. And you fell for me? Joke is on you!

Gretchen: Guys, I'm sorry. I choose... I choose... myself.

Gretchen: ...And, besides, you looked so sad when I left, I realize I now have the power to destroy you. And why would I give that up?

Gretchen: So, what are we thinking, October?...

--
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The One with the Thumb

Friends 1×3

Rachel: He said, "We should do it again." That's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated, "We should do this again," means: "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?!
Joey: Since always. It's, like, dating language. You know, like, "It's not you," means, "It is you."
Chandler: "You're such a nice guy," means: "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics... and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, you know, um, "I think we should see other people," means: "Ha, ha, I already am."

Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.

Ross: I think Alan... will become the yardstick... against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? No, no. I think this could be, you know, "it."

Ross: You know what I like most about him?... The way he makes me feel about myself.

Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait, wait. I'm getting a déjà vu... No, I'm not.
Monica: Monica: All right, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is.

--
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Виктор Пелевин — Лампа Мафусаила (2/8)

<< Начало

&  В общем, моя история была классической. ...потеряв свои деньги, я принялся учить, как правильно распорядиться чужими.

&  ...почти любой заголовок в мэйнстримных медиа, которые я сканировал, содержал негативные эпитеты – и тогда, когда золото шло вверх, и тогда, когда оно шло вниз. Когда золото опускалось, это называлось «Gold falls, tumbles, precipitates...» Когда же оно поднималось, это называлось «Gold struggles to recover...», «Gold fails to climb to...», – и дальше называлась взятая более-менее с потолка отметка, которую золоту опять «не удалось взять». А если, например, золото росло десять дней подряд, но на пятый день чуть припадало, заголовки были такие: «Gold drops first time in five days».
     В общем, со словом «золото» проделывали то же самое, что в конце прошлого века со словом «серб»: при всяком возможном и невозможном случае помещали в негативный контекст (задач у мэйнстримной прессы много, а технология, по сути, только одна).

&  В чем отличие профессионала от лузера-любителя? Лузер склонен к конспирологии. Он будет выяснять, «кто за этим стоит», ротшильды или рептилоиды, хотя еще в школе его учили, что современный финансовый капитал – такой же последовательный интернационалист, как товарищ Троцкий.
     Профессионал же, в отличие от лузера, знает, что миром правят не англо-саксы, не евреи, не китайцы – а Дух Денег, чьи пути неисповедимы.

&  По причине общего российского неустройства (и, я бы сказал, глубокой отсталости даже самой нашей отсталости) «работать на ватный дискурс» означает, по сути, создавать его на ровном месте – так что грех мой был двойным.
     Вата, чтобы было ясно – это вовсе не патриархально-православное русопятство под чекистским патронажем, как неверно думают некоторые бойцы. Вата – понятие международное и транскультурное, равно обнимающее, например, боевой флаг американских конфедератов и белую традиционную мужскую сексуальность.
     Главное отличие ваты от цивилизации в том, что вата по своей природе реактивна. Она не создает повестку дня, ошарашивающую всех неожиданностью, острым запахом и непонятно откуда взявшимся финансированием, а послушно отрабатывает ту, что бросили ей в почтовый ящик «силы прогресса» – и при этом надеется победить в культурной войне, на которую ее вызвали этой самой повесткой. Ну-ну, Бог в помощь.
     Есть ли у ваты шанс? Нет, пока она остается ватой.

Далее >>

Cold Pursuit (2019)

Grace Coxman: Hey... you're gonna have to say a few words tonight.
Nels Coxman: How many?
Grace Coxman: Well... Lincoln did, what, 282 for the Gettysburg Address.
Nels Coxman: So, 100?

Nels Coxman: I'm just a guy who keeps a strip of civilization open through the wilderness for people.

Nels Coxman: When you drive the same road day after day, it's... easy to start thinking about the road not taken. I try not to do that. You see... I was lucky. I picked a good road early... and I stayed on it.

Trevor 'Viking' Calcote: Do you know what a bully is?... It's a chance to prove your mettle. Now, you don't wanna waste those chances in life.

Trevor 'Viking' Calcote: Listen... I gave you Lord of the Flies for your birthday. I'll bet you haven't even started it yet... Well, then that's too bad. All the answers you'll ever need are in that book.

John 'Gip' Gipsky: I say make them all legal. Meth, ex, opium. An opium den in every mall, that's my platform. Give the people what they want. Tax the shit out of it, then double our pay. What do you think about that?
Kim Dash: No thanks. I wanna be able to tell the good guys from the bad guys. That way I'll know who to shoot.

Brock: What makes you think you can kill a man?

Nels Coxman: I read it in a crime novel.

---

Trevor 'Viking' Calcote: What's the one thing history's taught us? You keep those Indians on the reservation. Those Indians, they're always wanting more. Because they think the turf was theirs all along.
Sly: Might kinda have a point there, right.

Thorpe: Tape. Taser. Antibiotics.
Smoke: Antibiotics?
Thorpe: Yeah, you ever been bitten by a kid? Little bastards are nasty. You almost wish you were bitten by a dog.

Thorpe: We take him.
Smoke: What about the messenger?
Thorpe: We shot the messenger.

Resort Clerk: Welcome to Kehoe Chateau Montclair.
Thorpe: We need rooms tonight.
Resort Clerk: I'm sorry, you need a reservation.
Thorpe: Excuse me!...
Resort Clerk: A reservation.
Thorpe: Really?
Resort Clerk: A reser... Oh! No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant you need to reserve... book before you get here because we're all full. That's all I meant.

--
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Dig Dug

Stranger Things 2×5

Jonathan Byers: Don't you think it's weird?
Nancy Wheeler: What?
Jonathan Byers: How we only seem to hang out when the world's about to end?

Lucas Sinclair: Dad?.. When Mom's mad at you, how do you make her not mad?
Mrs. Sinclair: Hmm. That's a great question. How do you, hon?
Mr. Sinclair: First, I apologize. Then, I get your mother whatever she wants.
Lucas Sinclair: Even when she's wrong?
Mr. Sinclair: She's never wrong, son.

Dustin Henderson: I'm sorry. You ate my cat.

Max Mayfield: I need to know.
Lucas Sinclair: Do you accept the risk?
Max Mayfield: Oh, my God! This... this is so stupid.
Lucas Sinclair: Do you accept the risk?

---

Dustin Henderson: All right, it's Dustin again. Seriously, I have a code red.
Erica: Could you please shut up?
Dustin Henderson: Erica? Erica, is Lucas there? Where is he?
Erica: Don’t know. Don't care.

Dustin Henderson: Please tell him it's super important. Please tell him that I have a code...
Erica: Code red?
Dustin Henderson: Yep, code red. Exactly.
Erica: Mmm-hmm. I got a code for you instead. It's called code shut-your-mouth.

Murray Bauman: You're being naive, Nancy! Those people... They're not wired like me and you, okay? They don't spend their lives trying to get a look at what's behind the curtain. They like the curtain. It provides them stability, comfort, definition. This... this would open the curtain, and open the curtain behind that curtain, okay? So the minute someone with an ounce of authority calls bullshit, everyone will nod their heads and say, "See? Ha! I knew it! It was bullshit." That is, if you even get their attention at all...
Nancy Wheeler: So, you're saying we did all of this for nothing?
Murray Bauman: I'm saying, I'm thinking!

Terry Ives: Breathe. Sunflower. Rainbow. Three to the right. Four to the left. Four-fifty... Breathe. Sunflower. Rainbow. Three to the right. Four to the left. Four-fifty. Breathe......

--
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Виктор Пелевин — Лампа Мафусаила, или Крайняя битва чекистов с масонами

большой полифонический нарратив

Часть 1. Золотой жук

производственная повесть

  “Поскольку значительная часть моей истории (если не вся она) будет посвящена событиям с отчетливым мистическим привкусом, хочу сразу сказать, как я отношусь к этой самой мистике. ...

&  Я строгий и последовательный материалист – в том, что касается природы моего разума и окружающего мира. Но в Духа Денег я тем не менее верю всей душой, хотя и не пишу о нем в обзорах.

&  И я понял то, что время от времени понимает в нашей стране каждый: девяностые вовсе не кончились. Просто раньше они происходили со всеми сразу, а теперь случаются в индивидуальном порядке.

&  – Потому что человек так устроен. Его сложно убить безболезненно. Боль – наша внутренняя сигнализация, что дело плохо. И контуров этой сигнализации в организме очень много.
     – Я думал, – сказал я, – уж что-что, а этот вопрос человечество решило.
     – Только внешне.
     – В каком смысле?
     – Смерть считается безболезненной, если человек не кричит «уй, мама!» Но что при этом чувствует мозг, не знает никто.

&  – Больно точно не будет?
     – Точно. Забудешься под тихий шум дождя...
     Мне понравилась эта картина. В ней был какой-то древнеяпонский уют: самурай делает харакири на опушке соснового леса, и ему совсем-совсем не больно – он любуется соснами и слушает тихий шорох капель...
     Если вдуматься, вся культурка, которой нас откармливают – книги, фильмы, религии – примерно об этом. А потом каждому приходится стать этим самураем самому – и лично проверить, как обстоят дела.

&  Ничто не придает человеку такого мужества, как страх. Когда невозможно становится жить, умирать даже любопытно.

Далее >>

Interview (2007)

Pierre: I'll get it.
Katya: No, it's fine. I'll get it.
Pierre: I have an expense account.
Katya: I have a bank account.

Katya: It's been very nice wasting time with you, Peter Peders.
Pierre: You too, Cunt-ya.

Pierre: I have one more question, if you will... What do we have in common?
Katya: We don't believe in relationships.
Pierre: I knew it. You're right. There is no equality.
Katya: No. There is always a winner. And a loser.
Pierre: Exactly.

--
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Will the Wise

Stranger Things 2×4

Jim Hopper: You wanna go out in the world? You better grow up! Grow the hell up!

Will Byers: He likes it cold.

Mike Wheeler: This isn't D & D. This is real life.
Lucas Sinclair: So what do we do?
Mike Wheeler: We acquire more knowledge.

Nancy Wheeler: Let's burn that lab to the ground.

--
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Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Dr. Dyson Ido: What are you dreaming, little angel?

Dr. Dyson Ido: Let's look at the bright side. Your tears are working.

Alita: While I'm learning names, do you have one for me?
Dr. Dyson Ido: Alita. It's a nice name.

Hugo: You gotta be willing to do what it takes. Whatever it takes.

Nyssiana: You are so beautiful. I wanna rip you open and see if you're ugly inside. Like the others.

Vector: What you should've known, my friend... is that no one... is greater than the game.

Alita: I heard you were the heroes of Iron City. I am not impressed.

Alita: I do not stand by in the presence of evil.

— Know what is hidden. Always ask... what is it that you are not seeing?

Dr. Dyson Ido: Now you know who you are. But that's just a shell. It's not bad or good. That part's up to you.

Vector: Personally... I'd rather rule in hell than serve in heaven.

Alita: I know who my enemy is. And I know he's watching us now. And you're just his slave. And I'm just an insignificant girl.

Nova: I've found the only way to enjoy immortality... is to watch others die.

--
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The Pollywog

Stranger Things 2×3

Eleven: Friends don't lie.
Jim Hopper: What?
Eleven: You say "soon" on day 21. You say "soon" on day 205. You now say "soon" on day 326?

Dustin Henderson: I am on a curiosity voyage, and I need my paddles to travel. These books... These books are my paddles.

Jim Hopper: That's it. Three rules. I call 'em the, uh...
Eleven: Don't Be Stupid Rules.
Jim Hopper: 'Cause we're not stupid. Right?

Dustin Henderson: You know, I'm thinking about calling it Dustonious pollywogus. What do you think?
Max Mayfield: I think you're an idiot.

Dustin Henderson: No way. If we take him to Hopper, Dart's good as dead.
Mike Wheeler: Maybe he should be.
Dustin Henderson: How can you say that?!
Mike Wheeler: How can you not?! He's from the Upside Down!
Dustin Henderson: Maybe. But even if he is, it doesn't automatically mean that he's bad.
Mike Wheeler: That's like saying just because someone's from the Death Star doesn't make them bad.

Max Mayfield: Why not?
Mike Wheeler: Because you're annoying. Also, we don't need another party member. I'm our paladin, Will's our cleric, Dustin's our bard, Lucas is our ranger, and El is our mage.
Max Mayfield: El? Who's El?

--
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Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) <<

Tony Stark: I said we'd lose. You said, "we'll do that together too." Guess what, Cap? We lost, and you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers? Not the Prevengers, right?

James Rhodes: Hey, new girl? Everybody in this room is about that superhero life. And, if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?

Natasha Romanoff: You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side - I'm about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.

Steve Rogers: Some people move on. But not us... Not us.

Natasha Romanoff: Have any of you guys ever studied Quantum Physics?

Steve Rogers: Wait, are you talking about a time machine?
Scott Lang: No, of course not, not a time machine. This is more like a... yeah, like a time machine. I know it's crazy, it's crazy but I can't stop thinking about it. There is got to be some... it's crazy.
Natasha Romanoff: Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon. So, nothing sounds crazy anymore.

Natasha Romanoff: You were kidding, right?
Bruce Banner: I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either, all of it is a joke or none of it is.

---

Scott Lang: We go back, we get the stones before Thanos gets them, Thanos doesn't have the stones! Problem solved!

Nebula: That's not how it works!
Clint Barton: Well that's what I heard.
Hulk: Who told you that?
James Rhodes: Star Trek, Terminator, Timecop, Time After Time...
Scott Lang: Quantum Leap?
James Rhodes: A Wrinkle in Time, Somewhere in Time...
Scott Lang: Hot Tub Time Machine?
James Rhodes: Hot Tub Time Machine, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, basically any movie that deals with time travel!
Scott Lang: Die Hard? No, that's not one...
James Rhodes: Look, this is known!
Hulk: I don't know why everyone believes that, but that isn't true. Think about it. If you go into the past, that past becomes your future, and your former present becomes the past, which can't now be changed by your new future!
Nebula: Exactly!
Scott Lang: So, Back to the Future's a bunch of bullshit?

Frigga: Idiot? No. A failure? Absolutely.
Thor: That's a little bit harsh.
Frigga: You do know what that makes you? Just like everyone else.
Thor: I'm not supposed to be like everyone else, am I?
Frigga: Everyone fails at who they are supposed to be, Thor. The measure of a person, of a hero is how well they succeed at being who they are.

Thor: Let's kill him properly this time.

Thanos: I am... inevitable.
Iron Man: And I... am... Iron Man!

Tony Stark: I love you 3000.

--
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>> Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)

Trick or Treat, Freak

Stranger Things 2×2

Jim Hopper: Oh, Jesus!
Eleven: Ghost.
Jim Hopper: Yeah, I see that.
Eleven: Halloween.
Jim Hopper: Sure is.

Eleven: "Compromise"?
Jim Hopper: C-O-M-promise. Compromise. How about that's your word for the day? Yeah? It's something that's kinda in-between.
Eleven: It's like halfway happy.

Dr. Sam Owens: How's it looking out there, cowboy?
Rift Soldier: Uh, you know, Doc. The usual. Nice and nasty with a chance of radioactivity.

Steve Harrington: Let's just go to Tina's stupid party... wear our stupid costumes that we've been working on for a stupid amount of time, and just pretend like we're stupid teenagers, okay?

Dustin Henderson: "Presumptuous." That's a good thing, right? Is it bad?!

--
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Destroyer (2018)

DiFranco: You know what successful people do, Detective Bell? They get over shit. They move on, and they... They build things. Big fuckin' houses on cliffs in Palos Verdes. Would you consider your life since Palm Springs a success?

Silas: You're a liar. You're a user. You wanna be powerful. You wanna be recognized. You wanna be seen... But you can't do what you want.
Erin Bell: Why?
Silas: 'Cause someone's gonna see you, and you're gonna get punished for doing what you want... I got good news and bad news. There's nobody fucking watching.

Officer: We don't wait for backup?
Erin Bell: This is a fucking gunfight.

Erin Bell: Don't make excuses for what you want. It's weak.

Jay: She is never gonna love you, you know?
Erin Bell: Doesn't have to.

Erin Bell: I... do... love you.

Erin Bell: What about if I know who did this?

--
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MADMAX

Stranger Things 2×1

Keith: You want information, then I need something in return...
Mike Wheeler: No, no, no! No way! You're not getting a date with her.
Lucas Sinclair: Mike, come on. Just get him the date.
Mike Wheeler: I'm not prostituting my sister!
Lucas Sinclair: But it's for a good cause!
Dustin Henderson: No, don't get him the date. Know what? He's gonna spread his nasty-ass rash to your whole family.
Keith: Acne isn't a rash and it isn't contagious, you prepubescent wastoid.

Dr. Sam Owens: What do you think the evil wanted?
Will Byers: To kill.
Dr. Sam Owens: To kill you?
Will Byers: Not me. Everyone else.

Jonathan Byers: You are a freak. No, I'm serious. You're a freak. But what? Do you wanna be normal? Do you wanna be just like everyone else? Being a freak is the best. I'm a freak.
Will Byers: Is that why you don't have any friends?

Jonathan Byers: Okay, look... Who would you rather be friends with? Bowie or Kenny Rogers?
Will Byers: Ugh.
Jonathan Byers: Exactly. It's no contest. The thing is, nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world.

Jim Hopper: Dinner first, then dessert. Always. That's a rule.

--
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Like People

You're the Worst 4×12

Jimmy: So, I was thinking maybe later we could go for a ride and revisit some of our favorite activities. Get Chinese food, hit the movies. Secret pinball arcade... Maybe some micheladas and "you dropped something" in the park.

Lindsay: So, what are you gonna do?
Gretchen: Oh, who knows what's gonna happen? We'll just have to see what the universe sends my way...
Lindsay: "The universe"? Who are you, Stephen Hawking?

Gretchen: Okay, so, "pedo" means "fart." And "pedo mojado" means "fart with sauce." Now, "Tu madre es una puta" means, uh... Well, it means that your mother works at night.

Gretchen: You love Wheel, don't you, Liv?
Olivia: Always select the "T" first. The most commonly used letters spell out "eat irons." Solve the puzzle as soon as you know it, and spinning for extra thousands isn't worth the risk.
Gretchen: Good girl.

Gretchen: See? Everything's fine. Everyone's healthy. We're just hanging out like people.

---

Max: Life's tough, but it'll be over eventually. How've you been, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Life is a festering wound, my boy. You enjoy your youth. It's all downhill from here.
Max: Oh, no. It gets worse?

Jimmy: Los Angeles is dead. It's a quartz mausoleum of vape shops, YouTube Red billboards and poke restaurants.

Edgar: Everyone goes away eventually...

Jimmy: Listen, Edgar, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. My best advice would be to accept your new reality and... move on.

Doug Benson: Edgar... I am so ashamed. You get to a certain point in your career where you think you're safe, and then one day, inevitably, you look up and see Mozart in the rearview mirror... and you realize: Holy shit, I'm Salieri!

Doug Benson: So brave of you to show up at my house at 9:00 on a weeknight to yell at me about your job. You're gonna go far in this town with that kind of political savvy.

--
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From Russia with Drugs

Elementary 7×7

Marcus: ... Then he went all Scrooge McDuck on his bed.
Holmes: And who or what is Scrooge McDuck?
Watson: Picture your father but... as a duck.

Holmes: And to be clear, there are few things on the planet dirtier than money. It was once estimated that 90% of American currency had traces of cocaine on it.

Marcus: ... I also know cops who swear they got sick just from touching the stuff.
Holmes: That's the classic nocebo effect. The mere suggestion that a substance can be harmful causes people to suffer negative effects after exposure.

Captain Gregson: Who would go to all that trouble to kill a lowlife like Ridley Dineen?
Marcus: Would you believe the Russian government?

Holmes: If the Russian government was responsible and it was just a bit of spy-on-spy violence, it's possible I could understand. And my investigation might just go away...

---

Holmes: When we first crossed paths, I could have outed you as a spy, but I didn't.
Olga: Is that supposed to make me trust you more or less?

Holmes: Have you forgotten my new color-coding system already? Red lines indicate ownership. Blue is a familial relationship. Green denotes a financial connection—
Watson: Pink is for kissing cousins. Purple means two suspects sang karaoke duets.
Holmes: You mock me.

Holmes: You know, that's one thing I appreciate about people in your profession— punctuality. I never met a spy who didn't arrive on time.
Olga: Old habits die hard.

Watson: We could have asked him why he would cook up some chemical weapons to help murder a thief.

--
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Kill Me

Big Little Lies 2×5

Eddie: Not everybody gets along, Nathan. I mean, can't we just be comfortable not liking each other? Doesn't have to be a reason.

Mary Louise: Rather it's as you suggest... we have to do what is best for the children.

Madeline: No! This is a healing institute. Not a swinger's convention.

Madeline: If I fuck up again, it will not be with infidelity. I give you my word. All my future mistakes will be brand new ones.

Mary Louise: I was hoping this would just be about... tea, but... people don't do that anymore. Do they?
Renata: Uh, do what?
Mary Louise: Just enjoy each other's company. Just... no agenda. It would be so nice... if people could just be together, you know. But... maybe somebody will invent an app for that...

Renata: Are you placing judgment on my life choices?
Mary Louise: I don't know your life choices. I don't know you, other than you're a friend of Celeste, and you seem like a very nice person who lives in a big house with no furniture.

--
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The Little Prince

Fear the Walking Dead 5×6

Morgan: We were telling you the truth when we first met you. We just didn't tell you everything.

Morgan: I'm telling you, as impossible as all this seems... we can do this. We can, 'cause we done the impossible before.

Dylan: Do you think it's going to work?
Luciana: It was your idea. What do you think?
Dylan: It's going to work. The book says you can only see with your heart, not your eyes. So I got rid of my eyes.

Dwight: I'm talking about how you are, you know, the way you see things. That had to have been how you were before, right? How it is now... and it hasn't burned you or broken you, twisted you. I hope it never does.
John: I'm even luckier than you think. World did a number on me before all this. But all this gave me more than I ever had. That's been hard to deal with. But I found a way.

John: Well... I think more things are possible than impossible.

John: I saw Cary Grant do this in a movie once... I was always hoping to try it when I was cop, but never got the chance.

Alicia: Are you surrounding yourself with the dead to protect your brothers? Or because it's easier than surrounding yourself with the living?

--
On the IMDb

From the Beginning, I Was Screwed

You're the Worst 4×11

Boone: Speaker phone! Child in the kitchen!

Gretchen: If you guys did a song together, it would be massive. I don't want to just throw out the phrase, "Plays over the Grey's Anatomy credits," but, yeah, that.

Steeb Corniglia: Ooh, I adore Jimmy. Between you and me, it felt like a cacodoxy to be sidetracked by a genre experiment. Concur?

Gretchen: Poland? Nice choice. What, was Kyrgyzstan already taken?
Olivia: Poland is the ninth largest country in Europe. They boast 17 Nobel Prize winners, and their main foods are pierogies, kielbasa and golumpkies.
Gretchen: What? "Blumpkins"? Spoiler alert, this bitch is toast.

Edgar: From the beginning, I was screwed. My mom's uterus was L-shaped. That's why I have equilibrium problems.

Gretchen: Everyone knows that France is the best country. They basically won World War II, and they invented the best type of kissing: tongue kissing. Their president is a Benetton model who bangs his mom-wife.

---

Gretchen: Are you kidding me? I-I'm not even done yet. I have a whole thing with a baguette!

Lindsay: What are we watching? I know a bunch of the sounds they're saying, but I don't understand the sentences.

Edgar: We still have to write our sketch for this week. What if there's a dictator who's a tater, but also a total dick?

Paul: Lindsay... it wasn't my fault. The entire DUI industry is run by a for-profit organization called Mothers Against Drunk Driving. They keep lowering the legal limit so they can raise money to pay their huge executive salaries. That's mothers for you.

Doug Benson: Quick call before I board a flight to Davos. I'm hosting a forum on building investor confidence in post-civil war Moldova.
Edgar: Wait. There's a civil war in Moldova?!
Doug Benson: Not yet, but we're aiming for March.

Doug Benson: Okay, got to run. Deep state never sleeps.

Gretchen: Uh, what he's having, but a triple.
Bartender: He's having a triple.
Gretchen: Right. So make mine... nine.

--
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The Website

Grace and Frankie 5×9

Grace: Brianna, what are you wearing to the meeting?... Well, they better be formal basketball shorts!

Frankie: Grace, you were right for once.

Frankie: Grace has never before given me the reins of Vybrant, so we must treat this with the utmost seriousness. No shirking, no procrastinating, and no reinventing the wheel, unless, of course, you have a great new wheel idea.

Frankie: Now then, onto the first item... Label and ship packages. Oh, for Pharrell's sake! Why can't you just paint two "X" s on my eyes and bury me at sea?

Frankie: Okay, not time to panic yet. Maybe the whole Internet is down... Quick, search "funny elephant videos." See if anything comes up.
Joan-Margaret: Eight million results.
Frankie: Eight?! Oh, that's more than last time...

Grace: What's our excuse for not getting it done?
Mallory: Uh, you're old and I'm not getting paid?
Grace: You're not getting paid?!
Mallory: You are?

Grace: Okay, this is my mistake. I'll fix it. You follow my lead.
Frankie: I know. Good cop, bad cop.
Grace: No. I am all the cops. You're a civilian ride-along.

Grace: Look, I know things can't get worse, but please, don't find a way.
Frankie: Life always finds a way.

Grace: I thought you were gonna make him our CEO.
Frankie: No, I made him our IT guy.
Grace: We don't need an IT guy.
Frankie: Sometimes you hire an IT guy 'cause he needs you.
Grace: You don't, but I get your point.

--
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Pet Sematary (2019)

Ellie: What are they doing?
Rachel: Looks like some sort of procession.
Ellie: What's a procession?
Rachel: It's like a parade, but not for fun.

Ellie: His name's Church. It's short for Winston Churchill. He's someone who lived a really long time ago.
Jud: I know who Winston Churchill is.
Ellie: Wow. You must be really old.

Louis: Well, that doesn't have to be such a bad thing, does it? Hmm? A place to bury our pets and remember them. It might seem scary, but it's not. It's perfectly natural. Just like dying is natural. Hmm? We all die and eventually, one way or another, we all go back into the ground.
Rachel: What Daddy's trying to say is that even though the pet's body goes in the ground, its soul keeps living and goes to heaven. Just like Nana Creed. Remember how I told you she's looking down on you?
Louis: Well, we don't actually know that it works exactly like that...

Victor Pascow: This is the place where the dead rest. Do not go on to the place where the dead walk.

Rachel: Just anything but dead.

---

Louis: What exactly are we doing here tonight, Jud?
Jud: We're burying your daughter's cat.
Louis: And that's all?
Jud: That and nothing but.

Jud: I was wrong. Sometimes dead is better.

Jud: ...big St. Bernard. He got rabies. He killed about four people.

Ellie: Love you, Daddy.

Gage: Ellie-phant.
Ellie: The Great and Terrible.

Ellie: Aren't you happy, Mommy?

Ellie: Remember when Daddy said there was nothing after this? Well, he was wrong. But it's not heaven...

--
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The Upside Down

Stranger Things, Chapter Eight

Joyce Byers: I know who you are. I know what you've done.

Eleven: No more.

Mike Wheeler: We made a new friend. She stopped it. She saved us. But she's gone now.
Dustin Henderson: Her name's Eleven.
Will Byers: Like the number?
Lucas Sinclair: Well we call her 'El' for short.
Dustin Henderson: She's basically a wizard.
Lucas Sinclair: She has superpowers.
Mike Wheeler: More like Yoda.
Dustin Henderson: She flipped a van with her mind!
Mike Wheeler: And it sailed over us!

Joyce Byers: Are you okay?
Will Byers: Yeah, I'm okay. Mmm. Very good, Mom. Mmm.

--
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Under His Eye

The Handmaid's Tale 3×7

Aunt Lydia: The Lord is calling on you, girls. He is depending on you to be His holy instrument. His charge is surely difficult, but he has special blessings for the strong and faithful among us!... Drop the ropes.

June: I just came from my fourth hanging this week. Do you think it's gonna get better?

High Commander George Winslow: So much leverage comes from the child...

June: I'll make sure nothing happens to you, okay? Promise.

Emily: Look at what they've turned us into...
Moira: You killed anybody since you've been out?
Emily: No. You?
Moira: Nope. So I think we're good.

Aunt Lydia: Why the long faces, girls? It's a glorious morning!

June: By His hand.

--
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I Need a Break

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 4×12

Other Rebecca: I lived in a wall for eight months.

Greg: You know, holding hands is a strange concept. If you think about it, it actually makes more sense to hold someone's elbow. Less sweaty, less germy, and the elbow gets so little love otherwise, you know?

Rebecca: I have an idea. A notion. A concept. Une idée folle.
Greg: The last time you said that, you wanted to look into my eyes for 20 minutes straight.
Rebecca: I know. Wasn't that great? I got to know your eyes so well. I could draw your eyes with my eyes closed.

Rebecca: I know you don't like water parks or amusement parks or... parks, but you've never been to one with me.
Greg: Uh, yeah. I don't know though. Groups of people having fun and enjoying themselves, it's-it's not my thing.

Paula: Oh, I napped once. It was 1983...

Dr. Akopian: How's group therapy?
Rebecca: Haven't needed it. I have it all under control. I have that darkness under control.

Dr. Akopian: I'm worried you're gonna backslide.
Rebecca: Let's go on a slide backwards.

Greg: ♪ The smell of the water, kids screaming with joy ♪
             ♪ I've hated crap like that since I was a boy ♪
             ♪ While everyone was laughing and having so much fun ♪
             ♪ I would mutter "this sucks" till the day was done ♪

♪ I hate the feeling of the sun when it hits my skin ♪
♪ I hate when people post pictures ♪
♪ With the hashtag "mood" ♪
♪ I hate when people call blueberries a super-food ♪

♪ I hate when people ask me if I'd ever get a tattoo ♪
♪ Hate combination conditioner and shampoo ♪
♪ I hate doing the wave at a baseball game ♪
♪ I hate couples with a cutesy couple name ♪
♪ I hate when someone says a joke ♪
♪ And someone else says "zing" ♪

♪ I hate when people say they're going "off the grid" ♪
♪ I hate models who just happen to date quarterbacks ♪
♪ I hate the phrase "Love conquers all" ♪
♪ And I hate that it's true ♪

Greg: ♪ Oh, yes, I hate everything ♪
           ♪ But you ♪

---

Rebecca: Why don't we do this. Let's just take off our clothes and see what happens.

Paula: ...And stop staring at me.
Scott: Well, it's hard, because you look like you just crawled out of a grave, and that is visually intriguing always.

Josh Chan: Okay, you're-you're drunk. You've been drinking. You must have had, like, three drinks tonight. You know you can't drink like that. You're Jewish.

Rebecca: I was just so happy for a second, and... I legit thought I could get away with not doing any of the stuff... It's like I did squats every day for a year, and now I just want to eat doughnuts for the rest of my life and never go back to the gym but still have a great butt forever, you know?
Dr. Shin: Yeah. I do know. I work out my butt three times a week. You think I like squats?

Paula: Wait, what? ICU? N-No, I-I can't go there now. I got stuff to do.
Cool, then put "dropping dead" on your to-do list for today.

Rebecca: Paula, what were you doing? You walked around being so sick for so many hours, toughing it out on your own. You know you don't have to do that.
Paula: I just... I didn't have time to be sick.
Rebecca: Okay, no one has time to be sick.

Rebecca: You have to take better care of yourself.
Paula: I know that now.
Rebecca: Promise me that you will do everything the doctors want you to do.
Paula: Um, yeah, but they don't want me to do anything. They just want me to lie here for a couple days. And it's-it's not just a onetime thing. They're saying I gotta take better care of myself for life. Like salads. He used the word "salads," Rebecca. Without the word "potato" in front of it.

Paula: I mean, salads are just piles of sandwich with no bread.

Rebecca: It's not great... but you have to do what they want you to do. Okay, even if it is tough and tiring and exhausting... like a salad. Because, also, like a salad, there are croutons and bacon bits to look forward to.

--
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Bumblebee (2018)

Bumblebee: Optimus, this is our home. We have to fight for it.
Optimus Prime: We will fight on. But we must find refuge first.

Ron: I actually got you a little gift, too, Charlie... I mean, it's small, but, it's from the heart..... A smile is a powerful thing. It releases endorphins. It says to the world, "I'm fun and approachable..." You know, there's a whole chapter in here about how people who smile more often actually have more friends.

Agent Burns: I say this with all due respect. Have you lost your damn mind?

Agent Burns: They literally call themselves "Decepticons." That doesn't set off any red flags?

Memo: You know, there's this quote that I like. "The darkest nights produce the brightest stars."
Charlie: That's nice.
Memo: My mom got it from Weight Watchers.

Sally: Charlie. Honey.
Charlie: I didn't steal anything, and he doesn't belong to them!

Sally: Ron! We have a kid in the car!
Ron: I was trying to save the other kid! What was I... It was a lose-lose.

Memo: I'm here. I made it. What's going on?
Agent Burns: World's already been saved, kid.

--
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Σ nostradamvs: «Наконец-то. Первые «Трансформеры», которые хоть как-то можно смотреть. Где есть история развития персонажа, а не 3-часовая эпическая битва, в которой одинаковые железные роботы сражаются против одинаковых железных роботов. Не шедевр, но по крайней мере кино с внятным сценарием, аркой героя и понятным посылом. И даже заканчивается остроумно.»

The Bathtub

Stranger Things, Chapter Seven

Mike Wheeler: If anyone asks where I am, I've left the country.
Karen Wheeler: What?!

Jim Hopper: We will help him. I give you my word. But in order for me to do that... you have to trust me. Will you trust me?

Ted Wheeler: Honey, we have to trust them, okay? This is our government. They're on our side.

Mr. Clarke: Sensory deprivation? What is this for?
Dustin Henderson: Fun.

--
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Escape Room (2019)

College Professor: Well, it may well be one of the oddest things in quantum physics. Simply put, observation stops movement. Atoms won't change while you watch them.

College Professor: So, you want to be heard. You want to share what you know, but only in the safety of your own dorm room?
Zoey Davis: I'll try and speak up more.
College Professor: It might seem like reducing the number of variables in your life will control the outcome, but life isn't a science experiment. You can't contain your world forever.

Minos Security Guard: Thank you for your service.

Danny Khan: They're basically like real-life video games. ... I've done 93 rooms. Yeah, all the big ones. Panic Room, Enigma, Basement... Breakout, Break In, Lock In. Lock Down, of course. I've done all the bunkers: World War One, World War Two... Cold War, Cold War Two: Pol Pot's Revenge. Uh... What about you guys?

Mike Nolan: Are there rules and regulations?
Danny Khan: You just have to escape before the clock runs out.
Amanda Harper: Well, what happens if you don't?
Danny Khan: Some guy comes in through the door and explains all the clues you missed. He makes you feel like a total idiot.

Jason Walker: What are we looking for here, bud?
Danny Khan: Anything that looks like a puzzle or a code. Numbers are very important. It could be anything, anywhere.

Danny Khan: Okay, it just feels like I'm playing the world's funnest game with the world's meanest people.

Jason Walker: What do we do now?
Ben Miller: I don't know, try not to die.

---

Amanda Harper: It looks like I need four numbers.
Mike Nolan: All right, try one-two-three-four. Just to see.
Ben Miller: I guess we know Mike's PIN code.

Announcer: Do you have the heart to let Dr. Wootan Yu... help you become a better you? Open new doors by testing your limits. Don't settle for a humdrum existence. Live life to the extreme.

Jason Walker: Okay, well, at least we know how much time we have.
Ben Miller: Yeah, knowing exactly when I'm going to die is a huge comfort.

Jason Walker: Survival is a choice! Make yours.

Jason Walker: Hey, it's a hatch. I guess we just open it.
Ben Miller: What are we letting in?

Games Master: At the end of the Kentucky Derby... do you think the horse gets a prize?

Ben Miller: Yeah, I'm in. Let's do it. You're not Jason Bourne, though.

WooTan Yu: What's the probability of survival?
Minos Technician: It's approximately four percent.
WooTan Yu: Well, it's not a game if she doesn't stand any chance.

WooTan Yu: Let's play again...

--
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The Ceremony

Grace and Frankie 5×8

Grace: So you two are a thing now?
Frankie: Don't try to slap your heteronormative cis labels on us. And yes, we are a thing.

Nick: Know what's funny about us?
Leo: Hmm?
Nick: We pay the same in taxes...

Barry: It's a big deal. Erin is my oldest friend.
Brianna: Thought your mom was your oldest friend.
Barry: For your information, my dad is my oldest friend, my mom is my first girlfriend.
Brianna: Boy, who wouldn't want your genetic material?

Frankie: She totally Wizard of Oz'd me. It turns out the thing I was looking for was here the whole time. Cacao never lies.

--
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Arctic (2018)

Overgård: It's arctic trout... with noodles.

Overgård: They'll be here tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. Don't worry, okay?

Overgård: We'll take a better way...

Overgård: Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze!

Overgård: It's okay. You're not alone. It's okay.

--
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The Monster

Stranger Things 1×6

Jim Hopper: There was this kid's room.
Joyce Byers: How do you know it was a kid's room?
Jim Hopper: More like a prison.

Dustin Henderson: You're shaking his hand!
Mike Wheeler: No, I'm not.
Dustin Henderson: This isn't a discussion. This is the rule of law. Obey or be banished from the party. Do you wanna be banished?

Dustin Henderson: Which is exactly why we need her. She's a weapon! Do you seriously wanna fight the Demogorgon with your wrist rocket?
Mike Wheeler: That's like R2-D2 going to fight Darth Vader.

Dustin Henderson: Sometimes, your total obliviousness just blows my mind.

Becky Ives: Terry, uh, pretends like Jane is real, like she's gonna come home someday. Says she's special. Born with "abilities."
Joyce Byers: Abilities?
Becky Ives: You read any Stephen King? You guys look scared, actually.

Jonathan Byers: ....And I'll have four boxes of the .38s.
What you kids doin' with all this?
Nancy Wheeler: Um... Monster hunting.

Jim Hopper: ...we've got a chance. You know what I would give? For a chance? You know what I would give?

Florence: Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. And that damn stupid.

Dustin Henderson: Yeah, that's right! You better run! She's our friend and she's crazy! You come back here and she'll kill you! You hear me? She'll kill you, you sons of bitches! She'll kill you, you hear me?

--
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Dad-Not-Dad

You're the Worst 4×10

Gretchen: I'll meet your ex-wife. I'll meet anyone. I met January Jones once.

Gretchen: This afternoon? Okay, bring it on. Once I get a gallon of tomato juice and beer in me, I am hella charming.
Boone: She's gonna grill you.
Gretchen: Grill away, bitch.

Jimmy: There's a special circle in hell for people who say, "We need to talk," instead of just talking.

Whitney: I thought the pain of divorce would end with the papers, but a breakup is the gift that keeps on giving.
Gretchen: Amen to that.

Whitney: You could tell I had a list? I copied it from a blog. Okay... "True or false: dinosaur bones are a lie sent by the devil." Guess it was a Christian blog?...
Gretchen: Bible's got some horny parts.

Lou Diamond Phillips: One thing I know for sure: lemons won't ever walk out on me.

---

Becca: So this is Mom's fault. Sorry. We got to go pour water on a witch.
Lindsay: Thanks, La Bamba-Dad.

Jimmy: Ta-da! I escaped us.

Gretchen: Oh, no. Why is this?!

Jimmy: Someone's left a try-hardy luxury sedan in my car park.
Actually, that's mine.
Jimmy: But... you're poor.
Edgar: I'm not poor. I'm a writer now.
Jimmy: That doesn't matter. You have poor brain. Do you know how I know? Because I have poor brain. Do you know what I did with the outsized advance for my first book? I bought a house that I couldn't afford. I got an FHA loan, so I only put down 3.5%, but it's an ARM on a balloon structure, which means by the end of next year, I may have to burn it for the insurance, which I do not have. Return the car.

Faye: You two are adults. You're goddamned baked. If your lives are a mess, you figure it out.

Lou Diamond Phillips: You can't solve your problems by blaming the past.
Becca: Then how do we solve them?
Lou Diamond Phillips: You have a kid. Be a good parent. Break the cycle. ...
Lindsay: What about me? I don't have a kid.
Lou Diamond Phillips: You were such a giving child. ... Maybe you're supposed to help other people.

--
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The End of Everything

Fear the Walking Dead 5×5

Althea: Hey, baldy! Over here... Come on. You can do it.

Althea: So... Start with the basics, same thing I ask everyone. Your name, where you're from, what you've seen.

Althea: I have to call you something, so... just gonna call you Happy.

Althea: All right, Happy, let's get to it. Where are you from?
Happy: Why does any of this matter?
Althea: When we're gone, our stories will be all that's left.

Althea: I don't stay in the car. That rule's kept me alive even before people were eating each other's faces.

Happy: We are a force who are not living for ourselves or for now. You have your stories, already making every day the past. We have the future!

Althea: You fall, I fall. That's all the trust I need.

Happy: It's bigger than me, it's bigger than you, it's bigger than all of us. Because it's the future. And we're the past.

Happy: Don't chase this story!

Althea: Szewczyk-Przygocki.
Morgan: What?
Althea: It's my last name. I had two parents with Polish names who insisted on double-barreling.

--
On the IMDb

Worldstar!

You're the Worst 4×9

Gretchen: I'm not really a "do something about stuff" kind of person. I'm more of a "it's too late to buy a wedding gift, so I'll just stop being friends with them" kind of person.

Edgar: Dude, are you sure Birds is for kids? That's the second suicide and they haven't even left the island yet!

Jimmy: Well, I have some highly exciting news! The Width of a Peach is a bestseller! It is number seven on Amazon's Erotica list, number five on Amazon's Erotica subcategory Historical Romance list, and number one on Amazon's Erotica subcategory Historical Romance subcategories, World War II, UK and Family Fun.

Jimmy: ....And then, we fell asleep on the phone together. Like lovers.

Becca: Hey! I had her, you watch her. That was the deal.

Faye: Girls, you don't have to compete for my attention. I'm never gonna tell you which one I like better.

Jimmy: Happiness is a finite commodity. You have to steal it from people.

Becca: Sorry, peaches. You can try and blame other people, but, like the actual 9/11, you did it to yourself.

Faye Cottumaccio: Well, Officer, if you're gonna search the place, I suggest you start under my sweater—
Faye: Am I talking?

Gretchen: Have you guys noticed a pattern?
Lindsay: It was the '80s, Gretch. You put some triangles and squiggly lines on a shirt and called it fashion.

Lindsay: The only way our lives are going to get fixed is if we fix them ourselves.

Gretchen: Seriously, what is wrong with me?

--
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I'm Almost Over You

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 4×11

Greg: Should we be kissing in public?
Rebecca: Oh. No, you're right. Let me think. Is that wise? But the more important question is: Do I care?... Truly don't care.

Paula: Romantic and fun? You guys talking about romantic comedies? You looking for one to watch? I'm an expert... To make your selection a little easier, here are your genres. You have your witty British ones... Your workplace empowerment movies... Your bro-y ones where men wax things and live on boats... And my personal favorite, the late-middle-aged fantasies where all the women wear white cashmere turtlenecks and have fantastic kitchens.

Paula: "Likes them"? Uh, Rebecca loves them. Especially the ones with some kind of powerless, nerdy underdog with a wacky best friend who feels invisible but then comes up with a scheme. And then the underdog makes a big, grand gesture and wins the person of their dreams.

Nathaniel: There's just one problem. We're uggos. We're trag'. We're-we're before pictures. We're basically invisible.

Nathaniel: You ready?
Maya: Okay. We've got nothing to lose. Except everything. Let's do this.

♪ We're both off-key ♪
♪ But it's the part of the film ♪
♪ That everyone likes ♪
♪ It's our gratuitous ♪
♪ Karaoke moment ♪
♪ We sound really bad, but look, we're starting to sway ♪
♪ Gratuitous karaoke moment ♪
♪ Ooh, how 'bout we flirt in a performative way ♪

---

♪ Sadly, the film does not improve after this ♪
♪ Gratuitous karaoke moment ♪
♪ In ten years, you realize this scene doesn't hold up ♪
♪ But you'll still sing this song at karaoke ♪
♪ And no one will care, 'cause no one actually likes ♪
♪ Watching other people sing. ♪

Tim: Here you are, sir... The sixth book in the series. It's called The Girl with the Face Full of Fire. It's about adult cystic acne.

Tim: I was about to give up, but at the last minute, I ran into a Swedish friend who translates the books into English, and he told me that the original author died after writing the first three books, and another writer wrote the next two books, and there is a new manuscript. And voilà. Or, as the Swedes like to say, "Varsagod."

Nathaniel: Sure, we're an unexpected couple. You're short, I'm tall. You're quirky, I'm really not. I know the world thinks people like us shouldn't be together, that we don't belong together, but we do. We're that mismatched couple from different worlds that can make it.

Nathaniel: I got to let you go. Because you're happy, right? You're happy with Greg?

Leonard: Get my steak ready, Emily Blunt.

--
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Shazam! (2019)

Sid Sivana: Dear Magic-Isn't-Real Ball, will Thad ever be a man?... Ouch. "Outlook not so good."

Mr. Sivana: Thad, you can't go crying to other people all the time. A man needs to know when to stand up for himself.

Thaddeus Sivana: You want me to do magic?

Eugene: Die, die, die!
Darla: He doesn't mean that. It's a game.

Rosa Vasquez: Maybe don't say anything too weird?
Freddy Freeman: Oh, one weird thing is, did you know that Romans used to brush their teeth with their urine? And apparently, it works.

Freddy Freeman: Oh, it's a long way down. Trust me, I speak from experience. Victor pushed me. They seem nice, but don't buy it. It gets real Game of Thrones around here.

Freddy Freeman: If you could have one superpower, flight or invisibility, what would you pick? I mean, everybody chooses flight. You know why?
Billy Batson: So they can fly away from this conversation?
Freddy Freeman: No, no. 'Cause heroes fly. And who doesn't want people to think they're a hero, right? But invisibility, no way. That's pervy. Spying around on people who don't even know you're there. Sneaking around everywhere. It's a total villain power, right?

Freddy Freeman: Then they did this study, and this is a real thing. They asked people the same question. You know, what power do you want? But this time, they made it so the answers were anonymous. And most people, since they knew that it was secret, said invisibility. And I think that's 'cause most people don't feel like heroes on the inside, deep down.

Dr. Sivana: Do you know what it's like for a child to be told you'll never be good enough?

Billy Batson: Look, man, maybe this is magic and, I don't know, but the people you're looking for, good, pure people, I'm not one of them. I don't know if anyone is, really.

Wizard: You, Billy Batson, are all I have. All the world has. Lay your hands on my staff.
Billy Batson: Gross.

---

Wizard: My magic must be passed on. Now, speak my name!
Billy Batson: I don't know your name, sir. We just met.
Wizard: My name is... Shazam.
Billy Batson: Wait, for real?!

Freddy Freeman: What are your superpowers?
Shazam: Superpowers? Dude, I don't even know how to pee in this thing.

Freddy Freeman: Hyper-speed, check.

Freddy Freeman: His name is Thundercrack, hero to the people with all the power and speed of lightning all in one!
Shazam: Dude, that sounds like a butt thing.
Freddy Freeman: Mister Philadelphia!
Shazam: That's a cream cheese thing, dude!
Freddy Freeman: Power Boy! 'Cause he's got all the powers. 'Cause sometimes pepper spray can't protect against evil.

Freddy Freeman: Electricity manipulation, hyper-speed, super-strength. Dude, you're stacked! You're almost as cool as Superman. Almost.

Freddy Freeman: Bullet immunity. You have bullet immunity!
Shazam: I'm bulletproof.

Shazam: Bleh!
Freddy Freeman: Ugh!
Shazam: That tastes like actual vomit.

Victor Vasquez: That second time she ran off, you said something to me I'll never forget. You said, "It's not a home until you call it a home. It's something you choose." All we can do is give him a place full of love. Whether he chooses to call it a home, that's up to him.

Shazam: Look, families are for people who can't take care of themselves, okay? So... And you can take care of yourself. Also, look both ways when you cross the street.

Billy Batson: If a superhero can't save his family, he's not much of a hero.
Freddy Freeman: That was a decent catchphrase.

Mary Bromfield: Divide and conquer. We separate the Sins from the eye, and he's just an old man.

Shazam: Here's the thing about power. What good's power, if you got nobody to share it with?

Shazam: You should hear yourselves! You think I'm gonna put a demon ball in my head? That's disgusting!

Dr. Sivana: Sun of Ra... Ouroboros. Solomon's... Knot...

Mister Mind: You walking, talking monkeys with your cave drawings, you assume there's only one means to gain magic. No, no, no, there are more ways than a mind can imagine.

Mister Mind: I named the gods, Doctor, not the other way around. Oh, what fun we're going to have together. The Seven Realms will soon be ours...

--
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>> Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

The One with the Sonogram at the End

Friends 1×2

Monica: What you guys don't understand is... for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right... You serious?!

Ross: Doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she?
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club... while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet.
Ross: Marsha, see, these are cave people. Okay, they have issues like: "Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close." See?

Jack Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but $40,000 is a lot of money.

Jack Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent and you always have been. Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby... and you had no friends, you were just fine. You'd read alone in your room. And your puzzles...

Jack Geller: Look, there are people, like Ross, who need to shoot for the stars. With his museum and his papers getting published... Other people are satisfied with staying where they are. I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.

Jack Geller: And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God... our little Harmonica doesn't seem to have that problem.

Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, you know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing. They take their time. They get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say that you can't change your parents. Boy, if you could, I'd want yours.

Barry: I really wanted to thank you. About a month ago, I wanted to hurt you... more than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.

Ross: Well, isn't that amazing?!
Joey: .... What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes... it kind of looks like an old potato.

--
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She Knows

Big Little Lies 2×4

Mary Louise: What shall we call that? Foreplay?

Madeline: The school decided to celebrate Halloween this week. God forbid they wait until the end of the month. I swear everyone in this town is obsessed with first and better and most.

Walter Ruttenberg: It's not like a scarlet letter. People file for bankruptcy all the time. Some even go on to become president.

Bonnie: Celeste, what exactly does your mother-in-law know?

Mary Louise: We need to do what's best for the boys...

--
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The Flea and the Acrobat

Stranger Things 1×5

Eleven: Upside down.

Mike Wheeler: But what if he was there? What if we just couldn't see him? What if he was on the other side?

Dustin Henderson: "The Vale of Shadows is a dimension that is a dark reflection or echo of our world. It is a place of decay and death. A plane out of phase. A place of monsters. It is right next to you, and you don't even see it."

Joyce Byers: If he's so wise, why does he need fireballs? Why can't he just, you know, outsmart the bad guys?
Will Byers: Most of the time, yeah, totally. But... sometimes the bad guys are smart, too. You know?
Joyce Byers: Yeah. So he needs the fireballs?
Will Byers: Well, yeah, to burn them to a crisp.

Nancy Wheeler: Are you serious?
Jonathan Byers: What? You want to find this thing and take another photo? Yell at it?

Mr. Clarke: Science is neat. But I'm afraid it's not very forgiving.

---

Dustin Henderson: Well, that's not true north.
Mike Wheeler: What do you mean?
Dustin Henderson: I mean exactly what I just said. That's not true north... Are you both seriously this dense? The sun rises in the east, and it sets in the west. Right? Which means that's true north.
Mike Wheeler: So what you're saying is the compasses are broken.
Dustin Henderson: Do you even understand how a compass works? Do you see a battery pack on this?
Mike Wheeler: No.
Dustin Henderson: No, you don't. Because it doesn't need one. The needle's naturally drawn to the Earth's magnetic North Pole.

Lucas Sinclair: How much further?
Dustin Henderson: I don't know. These only tell direction, not distance. You really need to learn more about compasses.

Jonathan Byers: I don't like most people. He's in the vast majority.

Nancy Wheeler: I was thinking, "Jonathan Byers, maybe he's not the pretentious creep everyone says he is." Well, I was just starting to think you were okay.
Jonathan Byers: Oh. I was thinking, "Nancy Wheeler, she's not just another suburban girl who thinks she's rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does... until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac. Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it."

--
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