Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

Two and a Half Men 11×7

& Alan: Her, too?! I didn’t even know she was gay.
    Jenny: Neither did she, till last Thursday.
    Walden: You’re like some kind of lesbian zombie infecting all the women of Malibu.
    Jenny: Ha! I like that. «Must have vagina!» «Must have vagina!»

& Alan: So when did you realize that you were gay?
    Walden: Oh, whoa. What’s that I hear? Is that your own closet door finally swinging open?
    Alan: Trust me. If I was gay, you’d be the first one to know.

& Jenny: It’s not that complicated. The first time you masturbate thinking about the school nurse, you pretty much know.
    Alan: Oh, my God, I’m a lesbian!

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& Walden: I think Jenny was talking about me.
    Alan: Oh, really? And you assume that just because you’re rich and good-looking?
    Walden: No, I was gonna say, «smart and charming.» But if you mix all those ingredients together, you make one delicious hot-guy pie.

& Walden: Mine’s Cinderella.
    Berta: Perfect for you. Storybook beauty.
    Alan: And mine is Little Mermaid.
    Berta: Perfect for you. No legs to run away.

& Walden: I really like Jill. She’s fun, she’s beautiful, she’s smart.
    Alan: I really like Laurie. She’s fun, she’s beautiful, she’s stupid.

& Alan: So what should I do?
    Walden: You should do what every boy in America’s dreamed about doing and go downstairs and bang the Little Mermaid!

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On the IMDb