Welcome to Me

& Alice Klieg: I was a summer baby born in 1971 in Simi Valley, California, and I’ve been using masturbation as a sedative since 1991.

& Alice Klieg: «I appreciate everything you have done for me, but as a new member of the rich and famous, I simply don’t have time for the pain.»

& Dr. Daryl: Why did you stop your medication?
    Alice Klieg: It’s a new era... Eighty-six million-dollar Alice.

& Alice Klieg: I always knew about Ted.
    Derick: What?
    Alice Klieg: When we were married. By the way he fucked me.

& Rich Ruskin: That’s incredible. You are a lucky lady. And we’re lucky to have you here to be our guinea pig to try...
    Alice Klieg: Winning has nothing to do with luck.
    Rich Ruskin: It doesn’t?
    Alice Klieg: No. It’s all mental training.

& Rich Ruskin: Hi, I’m Rich.
    Alice Klieg: Me, too.

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& Deb: So, you want to talk about current events?
    Alice Klieg: No.
    Deb: A show with guests and do interviews?
    Alice Klieg: No.
    Rich Ruskin: What kind of stuff do you want to talk about?
    Alice Klieg: Me.

& Dawn: Are we talking about a half hour or...
    Alice Klieg: Two hours. How much would that cost?

& Rich Ruskin: You’re looking at $100,000 an episode.
    Gabe Ruskin: I’d say more like 150.
    Alice Klieg: And that times a hundred would be...
    Gabe Ruskin: That’s $15 million.
    Alice Klieg: $15 million...

& Dr. Daryl: You’re off your meds, you just spent $15 million,you’re living in a reservation casino, and you’re hosting your own talk show... I thought I asked you not to eat.
    Alice Klieg: It’s a banana! It’s in its own container!

& Magda: Good luck.
    Alice Klieg: It’s not about luck.

& Grace: Do you have any questions?
    Alice Klieg: Yeah, when people see me on TV, is my face switched around or on the right side?
    Grace: .... You’re going to look great.

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