The Lady

Silicon Valley 2×4

& Richard: So it says here that you’re proficient in C++, code assembly for multiple processor architectures, and... that you are a cyborg?
    Patakian: That is correct— short for cybernetic organism. I came into this world of filth and pain with a congenital heart condition, requiring the installation of a pacemaker, upon which I am mortally dependent.
    Jared: Wow, he’s technically a cyborg.
    Richard: Yeah, yeah. Makes the resume accurate.

& Richard: Yes, we are the weird ones.

& Jared: My only concern here, and it’s a small one, he’s also named Jared. Will it be confusing with two Jareds? If we hire him, I can always go back to my real name— Donald.
    Gilfoyle: No, that’s too big a hassle.
    Dinesh: We’ll just go with «Other Jared.» OJ, for short.

& Jared: I know a name is just a sound somebody makes when they need you, but shouldn’t this much-newer Jared be «Other Jared»?
    Gilfoyle: You should be flattered. OJ Simpson is one of the most recognizable people on the face of the planet.

& Erlich: I am going to have to err on the side of caution and say «Pass-adena,» Trina.

& Richard: I’m sorry. You don’t get a say in this. We’re going to hire the android.
    Erlich: He’s a cyborg, Richard. The son of a bitch is a goddamned cyborg.

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& Big Head: So what is my job exactly?
    HR clerk: Oh, that’s actually— that’s up to you. You can do whatever you want.
    Big Head: Okay. See, that’s sort of what I do now, though.
    HR clerk: But starting today, you can do it in a much more significant way... Enjoy your new office.

& Dinesh: Just to be clear... Our top priority is to hire the most qualified person available, right?
    Jared: Of course.
    Dinesh: But it would be better if that someone was a woman even though the «woman» part of that statement is irrelevant?..
    Jared: Exactly. It’s like we’re the Beatles and now we just need Yoko.
    Dinesh: That’s the worst example you could have used.

& Erlich: I like this painting. Is it sperm?
    Russ: No, three commas. Know what has three commas in it, Richard?
    Richard: Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?
    Russ: No, a billion dollars.

& Nastia: Ha. You are Jew.
    Richard: Episcopalian, actually.
    Nastia: Jew— good at business.
    Russ: My baby’s got some ideas about Jews, some good, some... bad.

& Dinesh: Nice bag.
    Carla: Thank you. Oh, look, «D&G.» It’s like Dinesh and Gilfoyle.

& Dinesh: That’s a $3500 bag.
    Gilfoyle: How do you know? You have the same one?
    Dinesh: No, I have the fucking Internet.

& Dinesh: I’m not jealous. I just want to make sure she’s making less than me.

& Richard: I’m trying to respect you, asshole.

& Richard: You don’t get to tell me how I respect you, okay? I can respect you however the fuck I want.
    Erlich: What are you doing?
    Richard: I’m respecting you.

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On the IMDb